ooookay

This preview on the People's Choice Awards (my dad is making me watch it what can I say?) for Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains is SO DRAMATIC. Oh and Russell has already gotten too much attention and I've seen him saying "I'm the best player to ever play this game" aaargh

confirmed woot.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains cast. I will definitely watch it... well... at least until I go insane because of the excessive Evil!Russell coverage. COLBY!!!!

Sandra is on the "Villains" tribe?

Also haha it's funny to me that Boston Rob's last name (you know, the one with the Red Sox hat) is Mariano.

and in other, maybe even more disturbing news

While watching the Survivor Samoa finale, I realized... wow, I don't hate evil Russell. In fact, I now like the guy. When his wife was talking? OMG I was like near tears. WTF is wrong with me? o_O

RUSSELL DOESN'T WIN SURVIVOR SAMOA!!!!

SUCCESS!!!!

I just literally

fell off my chair laughing over The Soup's mocking of Survivor. You win this time, Joel McHale.

Oh, I forgot to talk about Survivor this week

I turned on the show fifteen minutes before the end... and... I didn't see Russell H. or Foa Foa once. WHAT THE HELL? I am so confused.

That, and the return of the GLORIOUS EATING TERRIBLE FOOD CHALLENGE next week. I may be excited about Survivor for the first time this season. Wow.

el reality TV anoche

That's probably not correct Spanish

Anyway, Survivor, WOW!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I might be able to watch now, because Ben definitely made the show the absolute worst. Like, Russell is a dick, but he is at least kind of a smart dick, and not blabbering on about racism in some horrible way.

As for Project Runway, all things considered, this has not been a very good season. :( Like, that was the lamest challenge in PR history. I will rank the stuff later but... ehhhhhhh

I'm horrible.

So there are the reports of all these awful natural disasters in Samoa and... is it too much to hope that Russell, filming the All-Star Survivor season that's gonna take place there, is somehow swept away by a tidal wave or something? Please?

Ugh, this reminds me that Survivor is on tomorrow (technically today) and that I have to watch the last fifteen minutes or so only so I am not beyond disgusted with humanity. Ick.

Yo, Russell, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish...

But Richard Hatch was one of the best Survivor villains of all time! ALL TIME!

I am done with this season. I'll tune in at 8:45 every week to see who goes home, and that's it. Maybe after Ben and Russell leave, I'll watch, but I'm pretty sure that's not happening for a very long time. There isn't a single likable person on the island. I mean, seriously, there's a woman who's a 39-year-old Bible-bumping grandmother and conservative activist who describes herself as a "fit Sarah Palin" who we haven't even had time to hate yet because she's had no screen time! Instead, we get WORSTVILLAINEVER!Russell and the racist, misogynistic, and homophobic Ben. Yaaaay. I mean, last season was The Coach Show, and goddamn that got annoying, but at least Coach was really hilarious at times.

I'll go ahead and declare Foa Foa the worst tribe ever on the show. Yeah, tribes like Ulong from Survivor: Palau or Maraamu from Survivor: Marquesas were epic fails, but they were funny epic fails. Ravu from Survivor: Fiji was horrible, but understandably so, since they were, oh, deprived of all supplies while the other camp lived in (relative) luxury. Pagong in the original Survivor was single-handedly outwitted, but hey, it was the first Survivor, I can cut them some slack. Foa Foa is just completely pathetic.

Survivor S20: All-Stars 2, Heroes vs. Villains

How much punctuation is in the title there? It's like a freaking Lord of the Rings movie title. Anyway. Because I was just talking about Jeff Probst and it reminded me of that, here is the rumored cast for the next season of Survivor, which is, as said above, another All-Stars version, and my thoughts on them.

HEROES
Tom (Palau)
I really like Tom. Yeah, he dominated the game by physically dominating it, but he knew how to work strategy too at times, even if his guilt trip of Ian was bizarre. Plus, he's just really likable. He's a NYC fireman... of course he is.
Rupert (Pearl Islands/All-Stars)
Of course he's coming back. He's decidedly one of the best characters in Survivor history. I don't love him as much as America seemed to, but I don't hate him as much as, say, everyone on Television Without Pity.
J.T. (Tocantins)
I really liked J.T. but I thought he kind of got by on being a charming Southern gentleman. Still, props for him, because I so thought he would be kind of a dumb early out, and then he completely rocked the game. There's a lot of "ahmahhhgaaahhdd Stephen talked himself out of every jury vote!!!" but you've gotta be kidding me. He would have never won. Maybe he could have gotten one or two votes, if that.
James (China/Micronesia)
I hardly watched China, but he was the one who was incredibly stupid and got voted out with like three hidden immunity idols two seasons in a row or something, right? Yeah. If he's who I'm thinking of, he seems like a nice guy, but he just doesn't deserve a third chance when he fucked the first ones up so much.
Colby (Australia/All-Stars)
He's one of my favorite people from this show ever. I love him and yeah, it doesn't really have anything to do with strategy, just the fact that he's really hot and seems like such a genuinely nice guy. He's like JT before JT was JT, kinda. I really hope he's not an early out but he probably will be.
Stephenie (Palau/Guatemala)
Eh. Loved her in Palau, was eh with her in Guatemala. She can be really spunky and awesome, but at times she gets whiny and super self-centered.
Sugar (Gabon)
I am not sure. I ADORED her on the show, but after the show was over, it was really clear she was just doing it for publicity and whatnot, and she kind of ruined her season by not voting out Bob. That said, how can I hate her after "AND A LOS-AH!!!"? Spoilers say she's a really early out and I'm not surprised.
Amanda (China/Micronesia)
I really like Amanda. I think she's the definition of scrappy, constantly underrated, and responsible for some of the most awesome moves in Survivor history. That said, she always gets to the end, where she should be the obvious winner, and completely fucks herself over in her jury speech. I hope she doesn't do that here.
Cirie (Exile Island/Micronesia)
I love Cirie, too. She brings the sass, intelligence, and brilliant strategy. If they don't vote her out early, she'll probably own this season. I don't want to see her voted out at the last minute for a third fucking time, though.
Sandra (Pearl Islands)
OH HELL YES. I hope she wins this.

VILLAINS
Coach (Tocantins)
Well, it's to be expected. I just wish he wasn't coming back so soon; I got really tired of him during Tocantins, though he was funny at first. I hope All-Stars 2 doesn't turn into The Coach Show like his season did.
Tyson (Tocantins)
Really? Coach and Tyson, coming back so soon? Thanks, Survivor producers. Really. I totally mean that. Not sarcasm at all. Noooooooooo.
Randy (Gabon)
Stupid, bigoted asshole. I hope this happens again.
Boston Rob (Marquesas/All-Stars)
I know he's obnoxious and I wish he wasn't coming back because his wife just had a baby for God's sakes, but he is kind of hilarious and I'm glad he'll be there to balance out just out-and-out douchebags like Randy and Russell (at least Corinne isn't coming back to boot). Watching his reaction to Coach's bullshit will be amazing, too, I just know it. But... supposedly he's an early out. =/
Russell (Samoa)
Evil Russell, not cool Russell with the dreadlocks. Anyway, I think this guy might be the reason I'm not watching Samoa, I'll just read the recaps somewhere until he gets voted out... which I'm pretty sure won't be for a while. He just makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to be all I CAN DIAGNOSE PEOPLE BASED ON AN HOUR OF TELEVISION! but he genuinely may be a psychopath. Pouring out his tribe's water and burning their socks on the first night? Making up stories about Katrina? Supposedly later in the season, telling one of the girl's he's allied with that he's fallen in love with her in order to get her vote or something? What the fuck. I'm hardly a flag-waving feminist, but his gross misogyny bothers me a lot. And the guy's got a wife and four kids. Yikes. That said, if he tries that shit with the girls that are supposed to be on his tribe, or better, girls like Sandra, Amanda, or Cirie, they will tear his fuckin' throat out. So, that should be fun.
Candice (Cook Islands)
Who was she again? I hated Corinne and I'm glad she's not back, but I can't imagine this girl was more villainous than her. OH WAIT! She was the one that had that one kinda creepy guy on one of the other tribes fall in love with her totally randomly! And then he talked about it at Tribal Council and Jeff was like WHAT and it was HILARIOUS! But... I guess she wasn't all that interesting herself.
Parvati (Cook Islands/Micronesia)
I liked her, but she's a little too dull to be considered a villain.
Jerri (Australia/All-Stars)
It's funny. She was like THE MOST HATED SURVIVOR CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME back during Australia, but if you watch that season now, she's really not bad at all. She was conniving and bitchy and all up on Colby, but not worthy of HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAATE. And during All-Stars, she was genuinely kind of sweet and helpful. Whaaa? I'm interested to see what happens here.
Courtney (China)
I only half-watched China, but IIRC she was way more crazy than villainous. I'll never say no to the crazy on this show, though. Yaaay.
Danielle (Exile Island)
Huh? Who? I don't even remember her. The female "villains" aren't nearly as horrendous as their male counterparts, which is both good and bad, I guess.

I hope that Coach is an early out so we don't have to hear him for almost an entire season again and somehow it works out that Sandra, Colby, and Cirie all band together to vote out Russell and Randy not too late in the game. Yesssss.

I just found out

this chick from the latest season of Survivor (which, yes, I will be watching in about an hour or so) is Beloved Mark's former student!!! I know who I'm rooting for, I guess.

Also, I read Mark's old posts over on Survivor Sucks and OMG he's like "Obama needs more infrastructure and to spend more money, not give in to the tax cut stuff" YAY I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE NOW.

for once, in non-defense of snark.

I was reading New York Magazine and they reviewed some book that speaks out against snark. They didn't have a very positive view of said book. I don't blame them; as might be assumed from my blog title, I have a very positive view of snark. That said, the review defended Television Without Pity's brand of snark, calling the viewers there exactly what TV executives want, passionate and opinionated.

Oh. Hell. No.

I used to LOVE Television Without Pity, back in like, the beginning of high school when everyone watched Survivor. They didn't cover many TV shows, but they did a great job of recapping and gently poking fun at the things that weren't so great about these TV shows. Over the years, they've gotten more expansive, with larger forums and more shows and recappers, and now Television Without Pity simply fucking sucks. Its motto is "spare the snark, spoil the networks," but it might as well be "spare the snark, leave the people who like to bitch about everything in the cold." No recapper seems to actually enjoy the show they watch; the chick that used to review Survivor from uh, Pearl Islands? on spewed hate on every single damn contestant, and the guy who did The Office in S2 treated it like it was fucking Masterpiece Theater. It's these people that piss me off when it comes to The Office; it's not The Serious Jim And Pam Talk About Their Issues Show, it's The Office. The most celebrated episode involves the boss grilling his foot, and one of the employees running into a pole and vomiting all over his car.

The forums are even worse, despite how respectable they may seem at first glance due to the good grammar and whatnot. The moderators have ridiculous rules and moderate with iron fists. Though some recappers on the site are still good, the forums do not understand the difference between "snark" and "being a humongous asshole for the sake of it." It's very rare that anything positive is said about anything. It's like if someone made a major forum about Anne Hathaway, and the only person who ever posted there was me.

So, to conclude. Snark = good; Television Without Pity = bad.

Just to reiterate: I love me some Colby Donaldson.

And this is funny in a "oh no you DID NOT SAY THAT" way (which, of course, it's trying to be).

Hmmm, part 2.

I just realized, when talking about Survivor a while ago, that Survivor can be really proud of its winners, diversity-wise. The very first winner was gay, and from then on they've had an African-American winner (two, even), a Jewish winner, an Asian winner, and a Hispanic winner... and that's just off the top of my head.

That was random. Don't worry, Survivor ain't turning into The Office here.

But before we put Survivor to bed, OH MY GOD THIS IS FUNNY. Remember when all of America watched Survivor? Good times.

HE'S A JEW!!!!!!! Ethan's win is apparently not well-liked on the internet (nor is anyone's, actually. Hmmmmmmmm), but he's EASILY the most likable winner out of all the seasons I saw. His win, and Tina's, did a lot to erase the negativity started when Richard Hatch won the first Survivor.

Speaking of reality TV, the greatest moment in Survivor history.

Richard Hatch was, on the original Survivor, totally fun to root for. He was an absolute evil genius. After he won the money and Survivor was a national phenomenon, he was, of course, called upon by every major magazine to comment on whatever Survivor was currently running. In all of his columns, he would brag about how he would have easily out-strategized everyone a how he was the best player to ever play the game. When he was picked for Survivor: All Stars, I remember reading in some magazine that he said "I've got another million dollar check in my name," just like he said at the beginning of the original Survivor. He'd quickly gone from admirable and fun-to-root-for to one of the most odious reality TV stars ever. So, when he was totally obnoxious to all of his teammates' faces, including my all-time favorite player Colby (oh, Colby. You could have won the Australia season, but you had integrity instead. And I'll always love you and want to hit you hard across the head!!! for that.), it was even more deliciously sweet when he was voted out at his team's very first Tribal Council.

Look, I'm not denying he was amazing on the original Survivor. He showed all these suckers how to play the game. But he didn't even recognize, at all, that hey, maybe the game had changed in the, what, seven seasons he was gone? Idiot. And beyond repulsive - check out his behavior even in this short clip.