If you haven't figured it out...

Sorry, but I don't think there's going to be one big Oscar post this year. :( There wasn't all that much to snark on anyway. Yaaaay Kate won an Oscar, Anne Hathaway is an attention whore, JAI HOOOOOOOOO, Hugh Jackman is charming but was on screen for like .02 seconds, etc.

Technical difficulties (not really).

So it's going to be an excessively busy week for me, and I don't really have time to cover the Oscars in as much depth as I'd like until the end of the week. So I promise I will get to them, but it will more than likely be, like, Friday afternoon, when no one cares any more. Oh well. ;_;

I will leave you with a picture of oompa loompa doompity dawesome:

I LOVE THIS. Except Meryl, girl, I love you, but give it back to its rightful owner this year.

Oh, and

Yes, Anne, this was adorable. I will continue to irrationally dislike you (well, actually, it's not irrational, I find you completely annoying and like a twit personality-wise, and a completely untalented actress. Yes, you were fine in Rachel Getting Married and I don't begrudge your acting, but if that role was played by an actress it was trendy to dislike as opposed to one it's trendy to like - like Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson - I wonder how it would have been reviewed). Hugh Jackman, you get a B-. You tried - and goddamn it you freakin' smoldered with your hotness - but sorry, I just need some snarky-ass Jon Stewart jokes to get me through the ceremony. It didn't help that you were part of the most upset-less Oscar ceremony in, like, years. Oh, and speaking of hosting...


Tina, you looked AMAAAAAZING (see what happens when you don't wear boring-ass black for once?!) and yes, you were the best presenter along with Steve Martin. But oh my God, people, people, people, she does not need to host next year!!! Like Tina isn't already hyped enough by the media.

Judd Apatow, congrats, that short about the comedies of 2008 was the best thing you've done so far. Hilarious.

You'll get the rest of my snark on Friday or so...

Hugh Jackman's hosting the Oscars?!

Rock. The hell. On!

(He'd better sing & dance.)

another great part of The Screen Directory...

...is this list.

Ranking the list as it is now:
1. Christian Bale
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. George Clooney
4. Hugh Jackman
5. Ryan Phillippe
6. Jude Law
7. Leonardo DiCaprio
8. Viggo Mortensen
9. Brad Pitt
10. Orlando Bloom
11. Russell Crowe
12. Johnny Depp
13. Keanu Reeves
14. Joaquin Phoenix
15. Will Smith

There's also a top 15 of sexiest classic film actors, but that list is total bullshit as Paul Newman is only #7...

ScarJo's Cinematic Sluttery.

honestly? SHE'S PROBABLY USED TO IT.

So I was reading some posts on a movie forum (not IMDb) that's primarily based around movie trivia. They were playing a game, "Been There, Done Them," (hee) based on who's had sex with who in movies. They'd list 3 actors'/actresses' names and the next person would have to name the actor/actress who had had, errr, "relations" with them in whatever movies they had been, whether explicit or implied. Someone listed four actors (gasp) and the next person was like "has one person really slept with FOUR PEOPLE in movies?" Well, by that standard, Scarlett Johansson is a serious whore:

Cillian Murphy - Girl with a Pearl Earring
Giovanni Ribisi - Lost in Translation (these answers were acceptable on the thread, since they are married. Yes, it is presented as a loveless marriage, but it's pretty damn safe to assume they probably slept together in the past.)
Gabriel Macht - A Love Song for Bobby Long (I believe. I haven't seen this movie in a while, and all I really remember was that ScarJo was great and the movie was crap. I'm pretty sure they ended up lovers, though)
Topher Grace - In Good Company
Ewan McGregor - The Island (awkward sex scene!)
Matthew Goode & Jonathan Rhys Myers - Match Point
Hugh Jackman - Scoop
Josh Hartnett & Aaron Eckhart - The Black Dahlia
Christian Bale & Hugh Jackman - The Prestige (that's twice for Hugh, YOU LUCKY BITCH.)

That means she's slept with, at least, ten (not counting Jackman's double or Macht because I'm not 100%, or her attempt to seduce Billy Bob Thornton in The Man Who Wasn't There) men on screen. Also, I haven't seen American Rhapsody, Eight Legged Freaks, The Perfect Score, or A Good Woman. I'm pretty sure she gets her mack on in The Perfect Score, but in A Good Woman she probably adds many more numbers to her little black book.

Just briefly looking at her filmography, Kate Winslet's a big whore too. I mean, she's "had relations" with 13-15 men, including such hotties as James Gandolfini (Romance and Cigarettes), Harvey Keitel (Holy Smoke!), Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine), and Geoffrey Rush (Quills).

I don't know what point I was trying to make, at all. Maybe just that every actress is a whore... in their filmography.

finishing things off. '06

and just to reiterate: i change my mind a lot. for instance, the repeated viewing of 25th hour in one of my classes has made me realize i was crazy to have philip seymour hoffman in 10th place for that year in that category; he should actually be in first place. oh, self. who can figure me out?

Best Picture
1. The Departed
2. Children of Men
3. The Fountain
4. Inside Man
5. Dreamgirls
6. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America...
7. Volver
8. Marie-Antoinette
9. Letters from Iwo Jima
10. Pan's Labyrinth

Best Director
1. Darren Aronofsky for The Fountain
2. Martin Scorsese for The Departed
3. Alfonso Cuaron for Children of Men
4. Sofia Coppola for Marie-Antoinette
5. Paul Greengrass for United 93
6. Bill Condon for Dreamgirls
7. Spike Lee for Inside Man (#4 if you're including When the Levees Broke as well)
8. Guillermo del Toro for Pan's Labyrinth
9. Christopher Nolan for The Prestige
10. Clint Eastwood for Letters from Iwo Jima (and Flags of Our Fathers)

Best Actor
1. Hugh Jackman in The Fountain
2. Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson
3. Forrest Whittaker in Last King of Scotland
4. Clive Owen in Children of Men (<3333)
5. Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America...
6. Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed
7. Matt Damon in The Departed
8. Daniel Craig in Casino Royale
9. Patrick Wilson in Little Children
10. Heath Ledger in Candy
Ooh...except for Whittaker, this is like a top 10 of extraordinarily good-looking men. I make good choices sometimes. ;)

Best Actress
1. Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada
2. Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal
3. Kate Winslet in Little Children
4. Penelope Cruz in Volver
5. Laura Dern in Inland Empire
6. Naomi Watts in The Painted Veil
7. Helen Mirren in The Queen (OMG calm down people.)
8. Catherine O'Hara in For Your Consideration
9. Maggie Gyllenhaal in Sherrybaby
10. Cate Blanchett in The Good German

Best Supporting Actor
1. Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls
2. Doug Jones in Pan's Labyrinth
3. Michael Sheen in The Queen
4. Steve Carell in Little Miss Sunshine
5. Clive Owen in Inside Man (<333. I AM ALLOWED MY BIASES DAMMIT)
6. Michael Caine in Children of Men
7. Ben Affleck for Hollywoodland
8. Jackie Earle Haley for Little Children
9. Jack Nicholson for The Departed
10. Sergio Lopez for Pan's Labyrinth
(please note: in The Departed, Baldwin >>>>>> Wahlberg)

Best Supporting Actress
1. Mia Kirshner in The Black Dahlia
2. Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls (um when will people realize she wasn't just singing. When you sing for musical theater, you interpret a song!)
3. Shareeka Epps in Half Nelson (...category fraud.)
4. Claire Hope-Ashitey in Children of Men
5. Rinko Kikuchi in Babel
6. Toni Collette in Little Miss Sunshinse
7. Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine
8. Kerry Washington in The Last King of Scotland
9. Emma Thompson in Stranger than Fiction
10. Vera Farmiga in Running Scared

Best Screenplay
1. The Departed
2. Little Children
3. Children of Men
4. Volver
5. Little Miss Sunshine
6. The Painted Veil
7. Stranger than Fiction
8. Inside Man
9. Half Nelson
10. The Prestige

...I should do some major project next. Hmmm.