Emmys!

Yay! I guess!

NPH, I love you and you did great (though I tired of the way you introduced every presenter with their most obscure role, but I'll just assume you didn't write that). Plus, you were fucking robbed of an Emmy. Seriously, Jon Cryer? I'll admit he's the best thing about Two and a Half Men, but that's like saying... I can't even think of an appropriate metaphor. NPH, Rainn, and the two 30 Rock guys are superior. Jeremy Piven, asshole though he may be, is superior too. So are Ed Helms and John Krasinski. Etc.

AAHHHH The Office WON SOMETHING!!!! And Bandit got a shout-out! I was expecting The Office to lose everything, so I was really pleasantly surprised. :) The Daily Show getting love was great too. And if I wasn't rooting so hard for The Office, I'd be happy for 30 Rock, because it's really better than most scripted TV. Just... not The Office.

Attempting to explain Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog to my dad, who I was watching the show with, was pretty hilarious.

The funniest/best part of the telecast was definitely the "facts" the announcer was saying after all the various nominees won. They were almost always really random and extremely funny.

Honestly, my favorite speech of the night was freakin' Jeff Probst. And that's really impressive by a guy who apparently couldn't remember to button his shirt up all the way or throw on a tie on the way out of Samoa...

Justin Timberlake has taken over all media and I love it.

Jon Hamm looks like a devastatingly handsome version of Steve Carell.

And yeah, I was surprised that there were only like four Kanye West jokes. I expected several thousand more.

I love Neil Patrick Harris to death, and I'm actually psyched about the Emmys...

But if I read one more "These Emmys will be... legen - WAIT FOR IT - dary!" quip I will strangle the writer.

Top Chef Masters "review"

Well... that was dull. I understand they're all professional chefs, but isn't Hubert Keller like... considered one of the best chefs on Earth? Eric Ripert-level or whatnot? The others are good chefs, but not at his level. So it's pretty much a given he's gonna win. Also, that dessert he made was ADOOOOORABLE!

So, it was pretty dull. The criticism was a snoozer, and effectively consisted of, "We loved everything! Yay! You minorly overseasoned this dish! That's okay though! Because you were in a dorm room! That was amazing! Whoah!" So I was like, "This is gonna be boring. And I'm not sure if I'll stick around thoughiprobablywillbecausewhatthehellelseistheretowatchduringthesummerseriouslyyyy?!?!?!"

But then.

They had the preview for the season.

MOTHERFUCKING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IN THE HOUSE AS A JUDGE ONE EPISODE Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah. I'm stickin' around.

Def the best part of the Tonys

AfterElton's Hot 100 of 2009.

Because I'm basically a gay man at heart.

100. Tahmoh Penikett
Who? Get used to seeing this comment a lot.

99. Wilson Cruz
Who?

98. Kris Allen
I believe he's an American Idol finalist, no? Cute as all hell, really. But... I don't care about American Idol. Says the girl who watches America's Next Top Model pretty religiously...

97. Jason Mraz
He's so awkward and not in a good way. He's kind of cute but... I don't know.

96. James Sutton
Who? Hot but kind of young-looking.

95. Ashton Kutcher
I really adore him. I think he's so cute and I love his lame camera commercials. I also love that he's all about Twitter or whatever. Adorkable.

94. Zachary Quinto
TERRIBLE photo of him but yeah, he's pretty damn hot

93. Misha Collins
Who? He's kinda... boyish.

92. Brad Rowe
Who? Oddly enough, in that one photo they have of him, he looks like (an uglier) Brad Pitt.

91. Ryan Phillippe
Why'd he fall down on the list so much? God, he's GORGE. Kinda skeevy, but gorge.

90. Ronnie Kroell
RONNIE! Heh, last year I had no idea who he was. He was like my favorite last season on Make Me a Supermodel now that I've caught up with S1 on YouTube, other than Shannon. He's really cute and he's such an awesome, mature guy. He deserves so much better than Ben, psht. Hah.

89. Justin Hartley
Who? The name sounds familiar, but I don't know how... That is NOT a flattering photo.

88. Emile Hirsch
He's really cute but that's a pretty appalling photo.

87. Trevor Wright
Who? But cute.

86. Patrick Wilson
Loooove him. Where has he been?

85. Nathan Fillion
YES PLEASE.

84. Matt Damon
DOUBLE YES. TERRIBLE photo of him, though!!

83. Jared Leto
He does nothing for me except in very rare occasions. Fortunately, that photo they have of him is one of these occasions. Drool.

82. Dustin Lance Black
Oh, AfterElton does this a lot, they just pick a gay guy who's out and not necessarily all that hot. I remember thinking he was kinda cute, but not much more.

81. Ben McKenzie
Yeaaaaahhh. That's a bad picture, though, he looks soooo bloated.

80. Ian Somerhalder
He's really beautiful but he can be a little too feminine for me. Great photo.

79. Simon Baker
I'm still scarred by how awful he was in The Devil Wears Prada. And he gives off a douchey air.

78. Orlando Bloom
Meh.

77. Jude Law
SO PRETTY

75. Eric Dane
Okay. Pretty hot, but I don't get all excited about him or whatever.

74. Chris Pine
YES PLEASE. Though in reading magazine interviews with him, he seems like a douche, and I'm sorry, I'll just never be interested in seeing Star Trek.

74. Dave Annable
He's on Brothers & Sisters, right? HOT.

73. George Clooney
Always flawless.

72. Clive Owen
I don't quite have the love for him that I once did, but YES, of course! But GOD I hate that photo, he looks like an axe murderer.

71. Gerard Butler
Yum. He's like a less-axe-murder-y Clive.

70. Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Again, YES PLEASE. He's like Javier Bardem without the No Country for Old Men leftover skeeviness.

69. Hayden Christensen
I've been rooting for this guy for a while. I think he's so cute and he's as good in Shattered Glass as he is bad in Star Wars. Bad photo though. Makes me feel like a perv because he looks so young in it.

68. Eddie Cibrian
Sooooooooooo stunningly hot. Sooooooooooo. He's got an ass that goes on for days, too. ...Told you I was basically a gay man at heart.

67. Mario Lopez
Too douchey.

66. Colin Farrell
Doesn't really do it for me. My best friend is OBSESSED with him, so he can have him, hah.

65. Ryan Gosling
That's a truly terrible photo of him that makes me forget how actually attractive he can be. Yikes.

64. Ben Cohen
Who is he? Who cares, with that photo they have up of him?

63. Matthew Fox
I still can't bring myself to care about Lost, but GOD he's hot.

62. Nick Adams
Who? OH GOD HIS EYES, THEY ARE SCARY.

61. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
He's SO CUTE, but... WORST PHOTO EVER!!!!!!!!

60. Lee Pace
He's adorable. I see whiny Pushing Daisies fans have been taken over by whiny Chuck fans, so the mere mention of that show doesn't annoy me so much any more.

59. Gael Garcia Bernal
Still think he's fuggo.

58. Jamie Bamber
YES. I have been tempted to watch Battlestar Galactica for that towel scene alone, I'll have you know.

57. James McAvoy
Still overrated. Still hot as all hell.

56. Christian Bale
OH YES. Any time. Even if he yelled "IT'S FUCKING DISTRACTING, OHHHH GOOOOOD" at me at the same time. In fact... ESPECIALLY then.

55. Jensen Atwood
Meh.

54. Jason Statham
He's pretty hot, yeah. He was in Crank 2, right? That looks DELIGHTFULLY retarded.

53. Mitch Hewer
Who?

52. Chris Meloni
Ugh, GORGEOUS. I love that he's a classically trained comedic actor, too.

51. Taye Diggs
So beautiful. I love that he seems like a really sweet, happy person too.

50. Wentworth Miller
YES. What is with all these AWFUL photos, though?

49. Henry Cavill
OH YEAH. My mom watches The Tudors and I see it sometimes and... just... YESSSS. And it's actually a good photo, too!

48. Ewan McGregor
Who wouldn't adore him?

47. David Boreanaz
I've seen Bones here and there, and he's pretty hot. Not like OMG MUST HAVE YOU NOW hot, but hot.

46. Daniel Leary
Who?

45. Darryl Stephens
Who?

44. Jonathan Rhys-Myers
YEAH. The Tudors is just an orgy of hotness to be honest.

43. John Krasinski
ALWAYS YES. I'm pleased he rose so much! That's what she said. Though I'll admit he's hotter to me as Jim than John.

42. Justin Timberlake
I adoooore him. I love that he saved Saturday Night Live when he hosted. He's just a great entertainer.

41. TR Knight
Sooooo adorable. Woooorst photo.

40. Robert Pattinson
Yeah, he's pretty. You still can't make me care about Twilight though. Not sure if I ever mentioned it here, but I tried to read the book once, figuring it'd at least be bad in a funny way. Oh dear lord, no. It was just boring as all hell. Not that any of this is his fault or anything, I just don't wanna see the movie.

39. Barack Obama
!!!!!! roflcopter!!!! I love him beyond words though, and he's certainly a handsome fellow.

38. Russell Tovey
Who?

37. David Tennant
Oh... this guy. He's pretty cute.

36. Robert Gant
Who? Cute photo. Is he on Queer as Folk?

35. Tom Welling
Is he on... like... Supernatural or something like that? He's cute.

34. Matthew Rhys
I know I've heard of him but I don't know where. He's cute too.

33. Randy Harrison
Don't know him and, based on this photo, he's not my type at all.

32. Daniel Craig
His face is still a little rough, but those eyes? That body? YES.

31. Milo Ventimiglia
He's hot, but I've heard that story where he was apparently like beating Alexis Bledel by the side of a road somewhere. ASSHOLE. Do not want.

30. Channing Tatum
FLAWLESS.

29. Johnny Depp
He's hot. We get it. He looks like a drug addict in that photo.

28. Paul Walker
Soooo douchey-hot.

27. James Marsden
ADORABLE. He should be as omnipresent in films in all years as he was in 2007.

26. Chace Crawford
Oh, I saw a picture of him recently where he looked really hot. Don't remember where, though.

25. Chad Allen
...no.

24. David Beckham
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS top 10 ever. Probably 5. He's just STUNNING.

23. Paul Rudd
DOUBLE YES. These last two are two of my, uh, "five" so to speak, I'm pretty sure. And for totally different reasons!

22. Jake Silbermann
Who?

21. Ryan Reynolds
Yeah, he's pretty cute.

20. Van Hansis
WHO? Come on, gays, why have I never heard of some people in your TOP TWENTY?

19. Thore Scholermann
Again, WHO? Oh, he's on some German soap opera. And he's got some serious nipple pokeys in that photo they have up of him.

18. Brad Pitt
Yes, yes, yes. Always, yes. It's Brad Pitt.

17. Jo Weil
WHO?! He doesn't even look all that cute!!!!

16. Adam Lambert
Wow, that's a great photo of him. He actually looks hot as opposed to... like... his "glam" self, which is soooo not my type. So I guess he is hot. Huh. This guy he's making out with here is hotter, though.

15. Matthew Mitcham
WHO?!?!?!?! Oh, he's an openly gay Olympic athlete. Actually, that's really nice.

14. Gareth David-Lloyd
WHO?! I do like that all his names are first names though.

13. Anderson Cooper
I love ACoops. He's mine, okay? And honestly, I'd rather like, snark with him about bad reality TV than make out with him or whatever. Though that stuff wouldn't be bad either...

12. Jared Padalecki
Good photo. 6'4" though?! That's SO TALL!

11. Zac Efron
He's grown on me so much. I don't think he's some lame teen ditz any more. He's adorable and in a subtle way, really sexy. Like, in Hairspray, YES PLEASE.

10. James Franco
LOL @ him going from 99 last year to 10 this year, probably just because of Milk. Yeah, he's hot and really talented.

9. Gale Harold
WHO?! Is Queer as Folk still on?!?!?!

8. Hugh Jackman
ALWAYS.

7. Cheyenne Jackson
Please see #8. Droooool

6. Chris Evans
Please see #7. Drooool

5. Jensen Ackles
These people really like Supernatural.

4. Jake Gyllenhaal
What?! Not #1?! I'm SHOCKED! Oh well, he's still scaldingly hot. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, but... it's SO VERY TRUE. I can't believe he's gonna be in a friggin' Prince of Persia movie, though!!!

3. Luke MacFarlaine
WHO?!?!??! Oh, he's in Brothers and Sisters. They really like that show, too. And he's pretty.

2. John Barrowman
YESSSSSSSSSSS.

1. Neil Patrick Harris
FLAWLESS. Hot, no, not all that much, but perhaps the most amazing person ever.

Thank you, Saturday Night Live.

I can't find the skit online (is it possible they just didn't upload it?) but seriously, thank you for that "actors with two first names" skit that you had last Saturday when NPH hosted, so that I finally learned it's Philip Seymour Hoffman, as opposed to Philip Seymour Hoffman. I probably should have realized that when he was continually listed above Heath Ledger's name this year and back in the year of Brokeback Mountain and Capote (hence proving that PSH is before Ledger alphabetically, and his last name couldn't start with S because S comes after L), but, well, you know.

My dad, sayin' dumb stuff.

I love my parents. But they are crazy. Today I was talking to my dad (online) and the conversation basically went like this:

Me: Neil Patrick Harris is hosting Saturday Night Live tonight!!! YAY!!!!
Dad: He is a has-been.
Me: WHAT.
Dad: Yes. He is gay. So now he will never play a straight character again.
Me: ... He's kind of a manwhore on How I Met Your Mother.
Dad: But it's not believable.
Me: Do you even watch the show?
Dad: No. But he is not able to accurately convince people that he is attracted to women, because he's really attracted to men.
Me: Oookay. Well, he gets tons of critical praise and award nominations (unfortunately, he doesn't have too many awards because of Jeremy Piven LOL) for his role.
Dad: Right. But he's still not convincing to the public and he will still never be a romantic hero. Because he is gay.
Me: ... Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Sean Penn, and James Franco aren't gay, but does that mean they're not convincing in Brokeback Mountain and Milk?
Dad: They didn't show affection or physical attraction in either of those movies. *
Me: ............... (tent. scene.)

* He didn't see Milk. He saw Brokeback Mountain and plays the soundtrack like, a lot. Keep in mind, I'm pretty sure my dad's not homophobic.

but one more quick post:

Prop 8: THE MUSICAL.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Neil Patrick Harris is so much better than you.

Here's his article from Out magazine. Damn, he looks pretty hot in the pictures, too. And of course, gives us the greatest quote ever: "Mmmmmmmm. Anderson. He’s dreamy. Just dreamy. I’ve been a fan of his since season 1 of The Mole. I just thought he was so cool when he talked in this cool, low, secret-agent voice -- 'If you can accomplish this task...'"

I love you, Neil Patrick Harris.

because I'm avoiding talking about the Emmys

Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. (They disappear June 20 at midnight, so watch while you can! Oh, and it's so funny that I just might buy it when they start charging for it.) Because Neil Patrick Harris is basically the greatest ever.

"The hammer is my penis." Amazing comedic timing. Nathan Fillon is the second-greatest ever.

so I've got the TV on in the background right?

And I hear this commercial for deodorant that talks about chronic body odor and how the narrator used to be a fake doctor. I'm not watching it, really, just paying attention to the computer, but I'm like "ew, this is gross and sounds dumb." But THEN! I turn to the TV... and the fake doctor speaking? NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. This fact turned that commercial from stupid... to the best one on TV thankyouverymuch.

Neil Patrick Harris owns you. In fact, he is so awesome, I would not mind so much (okay, I'd mind a little.) if he beat John Krasinski this year at the Emmys if they're both nominated. No, really!

Harold and Kumar

I really enjoyed Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. It was deliriously silly and the cameos by Chris Meloni and Neil Patrick Harris pretty much made my life. So I'm not gonna lie and pretend I'm not psyched for the sequel.

It looks deliciously politically incorrect (OMG, the part with George Bush. I'm already giggling), but more importantly, Neil Patrick Harris. AGAIN. YAY!!!!! And maybe even more importantly... did you see who was playing the translator? That's right. The man everyone's comedic God (well, everyone except me, apparently. But with Knocked Up and Walk Hard, at least he's not doing TOTALLY terrible work any more.), Judd Apatow himself says is a national treasure "but the nation does not know it yet," ED MOFOING HELMS.

Get excited, ya'll.