I don't need to read the reviews for Funny People.

The mainstream reviews will be all OMG JUDD APATOW PLEASE LET US BE YOUR LOVE SLAVES YOU ARE SO AMAZING. Entertainment Weekly will probably have an ALL JUDD APATOW issue... which will differ from its normal issues in name only.

A few feminist critics will be like RAGE RAGE RAGE SEXIST MISOGYNISTIC PATRIARCHY HEGEMONY RAGE RAGE RAGE ARRRRGGHHHH.

And everyone will ignore the fact that the movie is probably stupid and not all that funny, a la Freaks and Geeks and The 40-Year-Old Virgin (I've decided I officially like Knocked Up). That said, the "Were you mad when you died at the end of Die Hard?" line that they keep playing in the trailer is really funny, but nothing else in the trailer is. And when the trailer, which always has about 85% of the funniest lines in the movie, isn't funny........

Technical difficulties (not really).

So it's going to be an excessively busy week for me, and I don't really have time to cover the Oscars in as much depth as I'd like until the end of the week. So I promise I will get to them, but it will more than likely be, like, Friday afternoon, when no one cares any more. Oh well. ;_;

I will leave you with a picture of oompa loompa doompity dawesome:

I LOVE THIS. Except Meryl, girl, I love you, but give it back to its rightful owner this year.

Oh, and

Yes, Anne, this was adorable. I will continue to irrationally dislike you (well, actually, it's not irrational, I find you completely annoying and like a twit personality-wise, and a completely untalented actress. Yes, you were fine in Rachel Getting Married and I don't begrudge your acting, but if that role was played by an actress it was trendy to dislike as opposed to one it's trendy to like - like Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson - I wonder how it would have been reviewed). Hugh Jackman, you get a B-. You tried - and goddamn it you freakin' smoldered with your hotness - but sorry, I just need some snarky-ass Jon Stewart jokes to get me through the ceremony. It didn't help that you were part of the most upset-less Oscar ceremony in, like, years. Oh, and speaking of hosting...


Tina, you looked AMAAAAAZING (see what happens when you don't wear boring-ass black for once?!) and yes, you were the best presenter along with Steve Martin. But oh my God, people, people, people, she does not need to host next year!!! Like Tina isn't already hyped enough by the media.

Judd Apatow, congrats, that short about the comedies of 2008 was the best thing you've done so far. Hilarious.

You'll get the rest of my snark on Friday or so...

Entertainment Weekly's list of the top 50 working directors.

50. Sidney Lumet
Yes, he is badass. And should be over a LOT of these guys.

49. Mary Harron
I love that just because she's a woman her work apparently subverts the patriarchy or whatever. I'm in a women's studies class and OH MY GOD, GUYS, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE, WHITE WOMEN WHO ARE WEALTHY ENOUGH TO MAKE FILMS AREN'T THE MOST OPPRESSED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD CAN WE MOVE ON????? ahem

48. Michael Moore
He's an absolute beyond obnoxious asshole........ and he's generally right as all hell. His movies are very strong.

47. Andrew Stanton
Well seeing as he's made, like, ALL my favorite movies, yes. I just never know who's really in charge of what in an animated movie, stupid as that might sound.

46. Mira Nair
Her work is beautiful, but often doesn't do all that much for me. I feel very underinformed about the Indian culture, though.

45. Wes Anderson
Sometimes he's great. Sometimes he's crap. I'll always love him for having a man-crush on Bill Murray and constantly keeping him employed, though.

44. Wong Kar-Wai
OMG MAKE HIM HIGHER NOWWWWW

43. David Lynch
Eh. He's very overrated, but I can't deny how much I love Blue Velvet. Oh, and Lost Highway formed a cult? Mulholland Dr. was a masterpiece? See, EW, this is why I call him overrated.

42. Spike Lee
HELL YES. Not always great, not always even good, but when he's on, this guy is on. And he's on quite a bit. He should be much higher.

41. Richard Linklater
Very uneven.

40. Spike Jonze
So weird. I do like some of his movies a whole lot, though.

39. Roman Polanski
There is no denying he is a legend, but his work lately has been meh.

38. Oliver Stone
Sometimes I love him and sometimes I want to punch him in the jaw. Oooh, I really need to see W.

37. Mike Leigh
Love him, even if Happy-Go-Lucky and Sally Hawkins' performance in it were huge disappointments. His methods of working are just great, and he looks like a cuddly uncle.

36. Hayao Miyazaki
Uh, yeah. He's basically flawless. He and Pixar should just make every animated movie and nobody else should even bother.

35. Alfonso Cuaron
A little too technical, a little overpraised, but still very good.

34. JJ Abrams
I haven't seen a whole lot of what he's done, because it's mostly TV stuff, but yeah, he is extraordinarily influential with a huge fanbase.

33. Wachowski brothers
No. =/ Hated The Matrix, all of them.

32. Mel Gibson
Again, no. =/

31. Sam Mendes
I adore him, but I don't think he'll ever make a film that will live up to American Beauty. That thing is fuckin' flawless.

30. Bryan Singer
He made The Usual Suspects, which was badass and which I always forget he did. For that, I've got a lot of respect for him. I would have liked to see his take on Milk because IIRC he was originally slated to direct.

29. Sofia Coppola
I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW EW. PLEASE MAKE HER HIGHER.

28. David Cronenberg
Eh. A History of Violence was pretty much perfect though.

27. Brad Bird
The favorite films of mine Andrew Stanton didn't make, this guy did.

26. Woody Allen
Yup. Lately he's been on a sort of creative renaissance too, which is great. He should be much higher, and beat...

25. Jon Favreau
Uh. I loved Iron Man, you loved Iron Man, we all loved Iron Man, but he does not deserve to be this high yet.

24. Pedro Almodovar
Love him, hate EW's explanation. "HURRRR HE SHOWS OFF PENELOPE'S TITS A+++!!!!"

23. Paul Greengrass
He really is a very good director, but I can't say I LOVE any of his films.

22. Paul Thomas Anderson
YES HIGHER PLZ KTHNXBYEEEEE

21. Ang Lee
He is such an asshole, as I have whined about before, but yes, an excellent director.

20. Ron Howard
His movies are usually good but not GREAT. I don't think he deserves a Best Director Oscar, but I did loooove Apollo 13.

19. Clint Eastwood
Like him, don't love him. I don't get the Academy's hard-on for him, or the bloggers' hate-on for him.

18. Danny Boyle
LOOK GUISE SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE WE ARE TRENDY. He's a good director, but not this good.

17. Darren Aronofsky

YES. Also, EW, you morons, you weren't sure he was concerned with human beings until The Wrestler? Did you see The Fountain or Requiem for a Dream? Idiots.

16. Zack Snyder

Well... I'll always appreciate that he made the cheesefest that is 300.

15. Sam Raimi

Yes, though probably not this high. And stop hating on Spider-Man 3!

14. Judd Apatow

Oh, I was wondering when he was going to show up. Seeing how this is EW, I think we should all be happy he's not in the top ten... get off his cock, Entertainment Weekly. And yes, when it comes to EW and Judd Apatow, I will always say the crudest thing possible. I think it's what Judd would want.

13. Tim Burton

He's not really my kind of director to be honest but he's prolific and he's made some very good films. I just think he's overrated and shouldn't be this high.

12. David Fincher

Yes. Of course, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is like his worst film, and the one he gets an Oscar nomination for, because that's how these things work.

11. Guillermo del Toro

He shouldn't be this high. He's very inventive, but that's... about... it.

10. Joel & Ethan Coen

Ugh, I love them. For some reason, they get misanthropy and dark comedy SO PERFECT.

9. James Cameron

Ummmmm... maybe. Definitely not top ten in my world.

8. Michael Mann

OHHHH MAN, I LOVE YOU FOR THIS ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. Well, except Miami Vice. Man, that movie was bad, and all the people trying to justify it were even worse. People, there are better ways to subvert stupid ass summer movies than by MAKING THEM SUPER BORING.

7. Quentin Tarantino

Yes. He can basically do no wrong in my book.

6. Ridley Scott

In the past, maybe, but he's been in such a slump lately, unfortunately. I do need to see Body of Lies and judge for myself.

5. Steven Soderbergh

I LOOOOVE how he effortlessly moves between genres, from summer blockbusters to typical Oscarbait to weird-ass crap. Certainly one of the most important and yes, probably best directors of our time.

4. Christopher Nolan

Heck yes. I'm not exactly a fangirl, but I love how he subverts mainstream films and makes them thirty times more interesting. Like, Michael-Mann-directing-Miami-Vice, you need to learn from this guy.

3. Martin Scorsese

Why is he not #1? Look, I love Spielberg and like Jackson, but there's really no excuse.

2. Peter Jackson

I like him, but don't ZOMGLOTRLOOOOVE him.

1. Steven Spielberg

I'd put him more in the top five than #1 itself, but yeah, there's no doubt he has a very strong ouevre. And I think he's badass and really like him.

Ugh, EW

#11 Sexiest Movie Ever? Really? It's like, cute and it has good songs, but sexy? NOOOOO.

(At least, considering the source, it's not a Judd Apatow movie)

HUGE SURPRISE!!!

Entertainment Weekly's already praising Pineapple Express as the funniest movie of the year! (Remember, Judd Apatow either gave them all at EW some good sexin' or walked in on them at like, a donkey show/whatever those things are called, and now has super super dirt)

so what the heck...

...is Pineapple Express about? Because so far, all I can tell from the trailer is that it looks like an extended version of the cop subplot from Superbad. And we all know that was the best part of that movie. *eyeroll* Oh, Judd Apatow. Just go away already.

PS. Seth Rogen's still totally cute and really talented. If you're going to stay infuriatingly popular, keep casting him.

Judd Apatow blew everyone at Entertainment Weekly magazine.

That's possibly the crudest blog post title I've ever written here, but I don't care. It's true.

#1.
Hey look, #1 again! (Yes, it says his "posse," but read the description. It's all about him.)
Freaks and Geeks at #13 on their top television of the past 25 years. This means that it's apparently better, more important, and more destined to be talked about in the future than, among many others, The Daily Show, The West Wing, American Idol, ER, Law and Order, or, if you're specifically looking in the niche of misunderstood cult comedies, Arrested Development.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin on their movie list of the past 25 years. Because South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut, Ed Wood, The Talented Mr. Ripley, In the Mood for Love, Far from Heaven, and Y tu mama tambien are apparently shit compared to The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Oh, and Sideways and Lost in Translation are just barely better.

One reason why Knocked Up is way better than 40YOV

In Knocked Up, the sex scene has "Rock Lobster" playing. And, quite frankly, that's the sort of bizarre, just-freaking-going-for-it-no-matter-how-weird humor that made me love the end of The 40-Year-Old Virgin with "Age of Aquarius," and when Andy yelled "OHHHH KELLY CLARKSON!!!!" If the rest of that movie had been so crazy, I might have liked it instead of despising it.

Judd Apatow is far from brilliant, but at least Knocked Up is funny and sweet as opposed to... terrible.

YES.

I gotta love how not everyone bows down at the altar of the only-mildly-talented-at-best Judd Apatow any more. I kind of want to kiss whoever did that on the mouth.

Yup...

...this one sucked too, Apatow! (let me just say though, that much like the terrible 40-Year-Old Virgin cemented my love for Steve Carell, I now know I LOVE KATHERINE HEIGL. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. LOVE.)

in honor of Knocked Up...

Judd Apatow is best known for writing the TV shows Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared, and the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin (and now, Knocked Up). These works all have one thing in common among a few others: I pretty much hated all of them. Now most people went dogshit crazy for The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and I thought I would too, so I figure I'd explain why I dislike this movie so very much in very bad, unorganized review form. It's more just like...me bitching.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin has one great asset, this is true: Steve Carell. The man is a genius. Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen are also quite fantastic. Because they're such great comedic actors, they are able to transcend what makes the movie so damn bad: its horrendous script. The writing just isn't funny. Look at Romany Malco and Gerry Bednob. They aren't the actors that Carell, Rudd, and Rogen are, and their jokes fall totally flat. Also, the movie is far too long. The other sex comedy of summer 2005, Wedding Crashers, was too long, too, but it was actually consistantly funny the entire time. Apatow will take an idea that is funny, but then he'll just go wayyy overboard. The movie could have used editing really badly. That said, it does have its funny moments, but you can tell these were done through improv (the ending, which is amazing... the chest-waxing scene, oh my God... "how do I know you're gay?").

That wasn't really much of a review. Dammit, I can't write. But I just felt the need to reiterate that yup, The 40-Year-Old Virgin sucks, and to post something that's not just a picture of a really hot guy. The movie gets a C-

Despite the fact that it looks really bad based on Apatow's previous work and the clips I've seen from it, I'm still strangely looking forward to Knocked Up.