Should all acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and days of auld lang syne?

Happy 2009!

I'll end 2008...

with my favorite underreported moment of the election:

OldandConfused!McCain cracks me up.

for once, in non-defense of snark.

I was reading New York Magazine and they reviewed some book that speaks out against snark. They didn't have a very positive view of said book. I don't blame them; as might be assumed from my blog title, I have a very positive view of snark. That said, the review defended Television Without Pity's brand of snark, calling the viewers there exactly what TV executives want, passionate and opinionated.

Oh. Hell. No.

I used to LOVE Television Without Pity, back in like, the beginning of high school when everyone watched Survivor. They didn't cover many TV shows, but they did a great job of recapping and gently poking fun at the things that weren't so great about these TV shows. Over the years, they've gotten more expansive, with larger forums and more shows and recappers, and now Television Without Pity simply fucking sucks. Its motto is "spare the snark, spoil the networks," but it might as well be "spare the snark, leave the people who like to bitch about everything in the cold." No recapper seems to actually enjoy the show they watch; the chick that used to review Survivor from uh, Pearl Islands? on spewed hate on every single damn contestant, and the guy who did The Office in S2 treated it like it was fucking Masterpiece Theater. It's these people that piss me off when it comes to The Office; it's not The Serious Jim And Pam Talk About Their Issues Show, it's The Office. The most celebrated episode involves the boss grilling his foot, and one of the employees running into a pole and vomiting all over his car.

The forums are even worse, despite how respectable they may seem at first glance due to the good grammar and whatnot. The moderators have ridiculous rules and moderate with iron fists. Though some recappers on the site are still good, the forums do not understand the difference between "snark" and "being a humongous asshole for the sake of it." It's very rare that anything positive is said about anything. It's like if someone made a major forum about Anne Hathaway, and the only person who ever posted there was me.

So, to conclude. Snark = good; Television Without Pity = bad.

So, I really have no desire

to see Slumdog Millionaire. I will probably try to see it, just for Oscar completionism or whatever, but it just looks like one of those Inspirational Impoverished Ethnic Kid Does Good movies.

Dear Tim Gunn,

(I wish there was some better video, but sadly that's the best I could find)

Please come and assist me in my life. You don't even have to say anything, just when I am about to make a bad decision, peer down your glasses at me. It would be only an added bonus if you said, "[Justine Credible], I am concerned."

Also, if you could tell Bravo reality TV to stop being so fabulous so I'm not tempted to drop out of college and become a chef and/or fashion designer. I do not know how to do either of those things.

Love,
Justine Credible.

PS. Christian Siriano and the fat guy on this season that I'm watching, please come be my sidekicks.

I don't like Katy Perry.

I think it's the resemblance to Emily Blunt, especially in the "I Kissed A Girl" video.

Okay, that's not the best picture of Katy to prove this similarity, but seriously, watch the "I Kissed A Girl" video. I can say, with certainty, that Katy Perry is certainly more faux-lesbian (if you believe salacious gossip, Emily actually did have a lesbian relationship. With Anne Hathaway. Bad taste in women!).

readin' The Reader.

I can imagine Ralph and Kate owning it, but like... I'm sorry, this will make for one BORING movie. (Spoilers abound in this post in case you haven't read the book)

Part 1: Ralph and Kate do it. A lot. Well, more specifically, as the author says 5000000 times throughout the novel, Ralph reads to Kate, then they take a shower, and then they do it, and then they lie together randomly.

Part 2: Ralph goes to law school. Kate's on trial for bein' a Nazi. O noz! (No one saw this coming, especially seeing how the book takes place in Germany.)

Part 3: It turns out Kate... IS ILLITERATE!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, this is the big twist in the book. I was like, "...whuh?" And then she dies.

Yeah, when it comes to dealing with the Holocaust, Night or Anselm Kiefer it ain't. LAME.

Hotay.

Snarky's ANTM Stuff. Because I am going to try to put up a fairly ambitious ANTM project, but I don't want it crowding up this blog and the fact that I made a separate blog for it made me think I might not run out of steam halfway? Baby steps, people!

Haha, I seriously never saw this before.

Mike Myers is so clearly uncomfortable, even at the beginning. Kanye kind of sounds like he just ran a marathon and/or is going to burst into tears. The sudden, awkward cut is... wow.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Remember, once upon a time, when I didn't think this movie was going to be that bad? I finally saw it and I... was wrong with that thought.

Oh holy crap, this is offensive!

So I sort of watched The Namesake...

and it's just funny to think, you know, hey, that's KUMAR. (And apparently he's going to be a professor at UPenn next semester. HAH.)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

I'll see y'all on the 26th, more or less.

HAH.

So, that shitty Bride Wars movie is going to kill Anne Hathaway's chance at an Oscar, right? I mean, it happened with Eddie Murphy. Frankly, I hope it hurts her chances of getting in at all. Scarlett Johansson gave two fantastic performances in 2003, and apparently Oscar didn't have room for her, but they had to honor Diane Keaton's shitty performance just because, you know, it's Diane Keaton. Christina Ricci turned in the best performance by an actress in 1998, and the Oscars ignored her. The second, however, Anne Hathaway puts on a half-decent performance (note: still haven't seen Rachel Getting Married), Oscar is salivating all over her? I don't think so. I doubt she'll get snubbed, but I'll laugh if she does.

Why do I dislike Anne Hathaway so much? I have no idea.

Tina Fey named Entertainer of the Year.

Here ya go.

I still find her overrated, and almost desperately so, on 30 Rock. But it's hard to argue with this decision in the wake of her GLORIOUS Saturday Night Live Palin skits. I'm sure you've seen them, but here they all are, because why not:

The one that started 'em all, and gave us the line of the year, absolutely: "I can see Russia from my house!" (I'm not crazy about Amy Poehler, but her Hillary here, and her Katie Couric in the next skit, are very underrated.)

"When cornered, you become increasingly adorable." The fact that they used Palin's actual words is a big fat middle finger to her face and I LOVE it.

Fey's Palin and Ferrell's Bush are like a dream come true together. "Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization." Screw 30 Rock, can Ferrell and Fey just have a TV show about the wacky antics of Bush and Palin?

John McCain is fucking HILARIOUS. He really needs to like, quit politics and join the cast of SNL. I love the fact that he's in a skit that openly mocks his certainly mock-worthy running mate in so many ways. Even Cindy is sort of charming here! Awww.

There is not a thing about this that is not perfect. The random Queen Latifah cameo is great, but the lampooning of EVERYTHING (Biden's passionate arguing for gay rights, but then saying he doesn't support gay marriage; Palin's inane "there you go, Joe!" insults; the fucking winking, "shout-outs," and refusal to actually answer the goddamn questions; Biden's bizarre everyman expressions and McCain love; the Scranton insulting!; the Republicans' constant need to bring up Ronald Reagan; MAVERICK!) pushes it over the top. The only problem is that I don't want to bang the guy who plays Joe Biden, but he does a pretty good job anyway. It's amazing.

oh wow, I JUST discovered the SAG noms came out a while ago...

and Cate Blanchett got snubbed again? HAH!

All I want for Christmas?

Can Jim and Pam and Holly and Michael get married?!?
Oh, and I love this commercial. :)

So, tonight, like the good liberal I am, I watched Countdown.

It was the maybe annual? Favorite People of 2008. It was great to laugh at Keith Olbermann's Sarah Palin and Saturday Night Live's political skit montage. But at the beginning, there was another montage, one about, of course, the man of the year, President-Elect Barack Obama. And, I'm sorry. Thinking about his election and everything it means - for me, this country, and its people - still makes me tear up, well over a month later. This election brought laughs, tears, and frustration, but ultimately, what it gave was, yes - hope. It's absolutely been the highlight of the year, and I may look back on it in a post soon.

God bless this country.

how did I not know this?!?!??!!?

So I've been watching Top Chef this season. I really like it; it's got a minimum of dumb reality TV drama and a maximum of DELICIOUS FOOD. My favorite contestant is Fabio, who is VERY VERY Italian. So, I'm on Bravo's website, reading all the "chieftestant's" bios, and I run across this in his:

Additionally, Fabio also works as William Shatner's private chef.

WHAT.

I mean... WHAT?!??!?!?!?!!

Now I have this mental image of Shatner "singing" "Rocket Man" with Fabio in the background exclaiming things in Italian and cooking. WTF. That's amazing.

The Office Season 5, Ranked So Far.

Above: Because it was so awesome, it bears repeating.

10. Employee Transfer
They were really nice. They gave me a ride home.

9. Business Ethics
I viewed Cookie Monster sings "Chocolate Rain" about a thousand times.

8. Frame Toby
I think you're great. You're my best friend.

7. Moroccan Christmas
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-ka-ching!

6. Baby Shower
Tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.

5. Customer Survey
I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today.

4. Crime Aid
Probably get soup or something light.

3. Business Trip
It's totally unrealistic. There are no lines in the parking lot.

2. The Surplus
I'm not threatening you. I love you! But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground.

1. Weight Loss
You lost a ton of weight, literally a ton of weight.

And for a bonus...

BRING THESE TWO BACK!

So Liam Neeson

is like weirdly professorial-y hot in Kinsey right? I'm not just dirty-minded?

Of course, I don't need to talk about Peter Sarsgaard there. Goddamn, he's hot. He's like a sex slug (I may have made this analogy before, and I'm pretty sure I read it somewhere else, I'm not that clever); he just leaves behind a big ol' visible trail of sex wherever he goes, even despite the fact that we all now know he's not all that gifted... heh.

I've bought a ticket to the states! I'm off in three weeks!

To a magical place called... Wisconsin!

It's Christmastime, y'all, and that means it's time for some Love Actually-watching!

well, that's... disgusting.

Apparently ScarJo - who's still my girl, y'all - auctioned off a used tissue? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Baz Luhrmann to direct The Great Gatsby?

Uh, I dunno, Baz. I mean... no one's been able to do a good movie version of it until now, what makes you so sure you can do it? Please stick to your batshit crazy musicals!

(Yes, I still need to see Australia, but judging by the attention it's getting this awards season/the reviews, maybe not so much)

this is a few days old and I'm sure you saw it...

But because he wasn't hit? IT NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY.

Awesome.

Shut the fuck up, Sarah Palin.

(Okay, it was more applicable a few weeks ago when she'd lost the election but would.not.get.off.the.news. Seriously, lady, you do three interviews during the election and like 500000 after. But it's still a good read.)

It's hilarious...

...when a "OMG BUY MAMMA MIA!!!!!" commercial is immediately followed by a commercial for Doubt.

Do the right thing.

I'm almost sure I've posted this here before. I don't really care, because it's so awesome that it should be posted EVERYWHERE. As much as I loved Crash, it gets Crash's point across much better.

Uh, Gran Torino.

What is this movie about? Because I saw my first preview for it today and it basically looked like "OMG Clint Eastwood is racist toward the Asians!!!!!!"

Also, Academy, are you really gonna give Clint another Oscar? Really? Another?

The Spirit.

Dude, just call it Sin City 2 (since that's clearly coming out in about 2087 at the rate it's going) already.

So, Borat is really funny.

I love that Alan Keyes is in it, talkin' 'bout teh ghey. And that McCain and crazy James Carville are in Wedding Crashers.

THIS MOVIE LOOKS GREAT!!!!!

Seriously, when Clive Owen appears promiscuously shirtless in a trailer for a movie, I SHOULD BE INFORMED IMMEDIATELY.

Mickey Rourke made me cry in the trailer alone for The Wrestler, too...

Valkyrie looks so stupid.

"Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler... you're glib, Hitler."

Hey, Benjamin Button trailer!

You! Yes, you! Don't think I don't realize you're stealing the music from Love Actually!!!

I wish I could wear cute headbands and not look stupid in them.

I really do.

Golden Globe Nominee Reactions.

FINALLY!!!!

For the record, I have seen a grand total of 7 movies nominated: Burn After Reading, Mamma Mia!, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, and Wall-E. It's been a busy semester. =/ I'm getting In Bruges from Netflix ASAP.

Best Picture, Drama
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire
The Visitor
* Like I said above, I haven't seen any of these. But I'm dying to see any of them, except for maybe The Visitor. I think my mom actually has that at home right now...

Best Picture, Musical/Comedy
Burn After Reading
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
Mamma Mia!
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
* Love BAR and VCB, despise Mamma Mia, please let me see the other two soon.

Best Director
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road
* So happy that Mendes is getting recognized again and Fincher is getting recognized at all.

Best Actor, Drama
Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
* I haven't heard anyone say a bad word about any of these guys. Damn.

Best Actor, Musical/Comedy
Javier Bardem, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Colin Farrell, In Bruges
James Franco, Pineapple Express
Brendan Gleeson, In Bruges
Dustin Hoffman, Last Chance Harvey
* I've never heard of Last Chance Harvey, but whatevs. Loved Franco, Bardem was pretty great, and I'll see Farrell and Gleeson ASAP.

Best Actress, Drama
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kristin Scott Thomas, I've Loved You So Long
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road
* HAHAHA CATE GOT SNUBBED HAHAHAHA. And, I'll repeat: Anne Hathaway's getting an Oscar nomination this year, isn't she? Dammit.

Best Actress, Musical/Comedy
Rebecca Hall, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky
Frances McDormand, Burn After Reading
Meryl Streep, Mamma Mia!
Emma Thompson, Last Chance Harvey
* Again... what is Last Chance Harvey? I liked both Hall (though Johansson was better and it's annoying that everyone in her film got nominated except her) and McDormand, and despised Streep. Please, Globes, don't give her an award in this category just because she's Meryl Streep...

Best Supporting Actor
Tom Cruise, Tropic Thunder
Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
Ralph Fiennes, The Duchess
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
* I am IN LOVE with this category! It shows real creativity but the quality is very there too. LOVE the Cruise nod!!!!

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
Kate Winslet, The Reader
* I don't quite get all the hype about Penelope in VCB, I mean she was really good but not like "OMG INSTANTLY HAND HER THE OSCAR RIGHT NOW NO SRSLY" good. And JESUS!

Other assorted notes:
- LOL, Best Song is Bruce Springsteen vs. Miley.
- awww, True Blood got nominated for Best Television Series, Drama. My best friend and his suite gather 'round every Sunday night to watch it. It's kind of adorable. What I've seen is unfortunately really bad.
- THANK YOU for getting some sense back, Globes, and nominating The Office anew.

Et voila.

S4 ranked.

I'm pretty sure this is the way it'll stay. I'm pretty sure I did this list already, but it changed. Why am I doing this now? No idea.

14. Night Out
No, Dwight, not the good peanut butter!

13. Branch Wars
Jim... if this is it for me, promise me something... host the Dundies!

12. The Deposition
Delivery was all wrong. You're butchering it.

11. Launch Party
Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please.

10. Job Fair
Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama!

9. Survivor Man
I will never let him lose his dignity.

8. Local Ad
Oh, it has losers.

7. Dunder-Mifflin Infinity
And... I miss you, man, and I love you. His words.

6. Did I Stutter?
It will be towed by a donkey.

5. Fun Run
People keep calling me a wunderkind. I don't even know what that means.

4. Goodbye Toby
I am totally gonna bang Holly.

3. Dinner Party
She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell!

2. Chair Model
I am not kidding. Got it a week after we started dating.

1. Money
Oh my God. What century is this?

Hugh Jackman's hosting the Oscars?!

Rock. The hell. On!

(He'd better sing & dance.)

Updates soon:

1. Globes!
2. Joe the Biden got a puppy!!!!
3. Christmas episode! Which was apparently "weird" and "not warm and fuzzy" and therefore horrible! (coughitdidnthavealotofJAMinitcough)

Hey, governors!

Spitzer, Palin, Blagodviiiiiijjjjjjjjjjj... is there anyone left that isn't corrupt?

(Brian Schweitzer!)

(Oh, right-wingers, shut up about how it's ALL OBAMA'S FAULT OMG SO CORRUPT. This Blago guy referred to Obama as a "motherfucker" because Obama wasn't going to bribe him to get his preferred candidate for his abandoned Senate seat. And, more than likely, it was Obama's Jew dreamboat Chief of Staff [I'll fuck you! I'll kill you! I love you k bye.] who busted Blago. Game, set, match.)

SNL. Stop not sucking.

Seriously, you're really funny nowadays. You need to stop that, it's freaking me out.

2016.

Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer. LOVE.

Seriously, he showed he could positively ignite a crowd at this year's DNC - just like Obama did in 2004. He's massively popular, with approval ratings in the high 70s, doing awesome things for his state, and his popularity is turning Montana bluer (McCain won the state, but by a smaller margin than Obama won Ohio or Florida). He is actively bipartisan; his lieutenant governor is a Republican. And, I would especially enjoy Republicans' heads exploding over how a Democrat could out-folksy them. Seriously, this guy appears to bring his (adorable!!!!!!!) dog to every meeting, campaign stop, and press conference. From everything I've seen, I can declare: He's so awesome. Schweitzer 2016!

My Top ANTM Girls, 25-1.

25. Mercedes
24. Chantal
23. Lisa
22. Jayla
21. AJ
20. Shandi
19. Leslie
18. Marjorie
17. Jaslene
16. Danielle
15. Nicole
14. Michelle
13. Giselle
12. Norelle (haha, attack of the -elles! If only Nicole and Danielle switched places.)
11. Brittany
10. CariDee
9. Christina
8. Yaya
7. April
6. Jenah
5. Joanie
4. Adrianne
3. Analeigh
2. Kahlen
1. Anya

I'm actually not busy tonight...

so, three posts.

1. talking about how much The Office tonight was amazing
2. finishing that top 100 ANTM girls list
3. my choice for the Democratic candidate in 2016 after 8 awesome years of Obama.

So. #1. THE OFFICE TONIGHT WAS AMAZING. That is all for now, until I rewatch and give a full explanation. Easily top 20, almost top 10, episode ever. I am STILL laughing at Michael in a fur coat.

but one more quick post:

Prop 8: THE MUSICAL.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

okay, guys.

I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really busy. I think I'm closin' up shop 'til the 14th or so, when I'll be back with a vengeance. I'll probably post extremely sporadically, or if something AMAZING happens IE it turns out Anne Hathaway was involved in her ex-boyfriend's crimes and she goes to jail FOREVER.

See y'all in a few weeks! (why was this so folksy?)

So now I'm back, from outer space

...or the land of food poisoning and thesis writing.