You know your life is sad when

So today I watched Mamma Mia! on HBO and MST3Ked it... by myself. And the thing is, I was really funny! Like, I need to record it and put it up on teh UToobz or whatevs.

But yeah. My life is sad. JOBS, BECOME AVAILABLE.

RANDOM NOSTALGIA!!!!

you know what was the shit? Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEEEEEE

When I beat that game, it was like... the greatest day ever.

Also, oh God, I am voluntarily watching Mamma Mia!. Ohgodohgodohgodwhat????

Hee.

So now HBO keeps playing Mamma Mia! and you know... however bad it is, and it is BAD, whenever I'm in a crappy mood, there's always Pierce Brosnan singing and Colin Firth randomly deciding he's gay (well, the character he played deciding that) to laugh at.

I may have mentioned this on the blog, but Pierce was an interviewee on The Daily Show last summer right before the movie came out and, before the interview, when they showed a clip of him singing "SOS," I genuinely thought the clip was Jon Stewart yelling out mockingly over Pierce's vocals. But... it was not. ETA: Yeah, I did post this before. Oh well.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

... and by that I mean BAFTA longlist time. Seven days into the year. Aw yeah, that's right. I'm just copy & pasting, so sorry for formatting issues.

Picture
"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"
"Burn After Reading"
"Changeling"
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Dark Knight "
"Doubt"
"Frost/Nixon"
"In Bruges"
"I've Loved You So Long"
"Milk"
"The Reader"
"Revolutionary Road"
"Slumdog Millionaire"
"Wall-E"
"The Wrestler"
The usual suspects, minus The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, whatever the heck that is. I liked the, uh, five movies that I saw here. I'm rather surprised, though very very happy, that Mamma Mia! isn't here, considering that some people considered it quite good SHUDDER, and it's the highest grossing film EVER in Britain DOUBLE SHUDDER. I predict Curious Case, Doubt, Slumdog Millionaire, Revolutionary Road, and, uh Wall-E? Maybe Frost/Nixon, but I can't see that being as "powerful" for Brits as it is for Americans.

Actor
Benicio del Toro - "Che Part One"
Brad Pitt - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Christian Bale - "The Dark Knight"
Colin Farrell - "In Bruges"
Dev Patel - "Slumdog Millionaire"
Frank Langella - "Frost/Nixon"
George Clooney - "Burn After Reading"
Javier Bardem - "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Josh Brolin- "W."
Leonardo DiCaprio - "Revolutionary Road"
Michael Fassbender - "Hunger"
Michael Sheen - "Frost/Nixon"
Mickey Rourke - "The Wrestler"
Richard Jenkins- "The Visitor"
Sean Penn - "Milk"
Sure. Did Che actually come out? I wish they'd noted RDJ for Iron Man here, he was better than Bale, Farrell, Clooney, Bardem, and, yes, Penn (though it's close) at least :( I guess five between Pitt, Penn, Patel, Langella, Sheen, and Rourke. Langella's probably a lock, Sheen might be.

Actress
Angelina Jolie - "Changeling"
Anne Hathaway - "Rachel Getting Married"
Cate Blanchett - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Frances McDormand - "Burn After Reading"
Kate Winslet - "Revolutionary Road"
Kate Winslet - "The Reader"
Keira Knightley - "The Duchess"
Kristen Scott Thomas - "I’ve Loved You So Long"
Meryl Streep - "Mamma Mia!"
Meryl Streep - "Doubt"
Nicole Kidman - "Australia"
Penelope Cruz - "Elegy"
Rebecca Hall - "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Sally Hawkins - "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Scarlett Johansson - "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
THANK YOU for pseudo-nominating ScarJo, who rocked in Vicky Cristina Barcelona and got no gratitude for it. Then again, they probably nominated any female who set foot on screen this year. This is tricky... Hawkins, Winslet, Streep (for Doubt), Jolie, Blanchett? I normally would switch out Hathaway for Jolie, but Changeling did VERY well on these longlists and I don't see it getting snubbed entirely.

Supporting Actor
Brad Pitt - "Burn After Reading"
Brendan Gleeson - "In Bruges"
David Kross - "The Reader"
Eddie Marsan - "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Heath Ledger - "The Dark Knight"
John Malkovich - "Burn After Reading"
John Malkovich - "Changeling"
Josh Brolin - "Milk"
Kevin Bacon - "Frost/Nixon"
Peter O’Toole - "Dean Spanley"
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Doubt"
Ralph Fiennes - "The Duchess"
Ralph Fiennes - "In Bruges"
Ralph Fiennes - "The Reader"
Robert Downey Jr. - "Tropic Thunder"
I would laugh really hard if the nominees ended up being Malkovich, Malkovich, Fiennes, Fiennes, Fiennes, but they won't. I think he might get in for In Bruges or The Reader, though. Anyway, uh, Kross, Ledger, Brolin, Hoffman, Fiennes (In Bruges).

Supporting Actress
Amy Adams - "Doubt"
Charlotte Rampling - "The Duchess"
Elsa Zylberstein - "I've Loved You So Long"
Emma Thompson- "Brideshead Revisited"
Freida Pinto - "Slumdog Millionaire"
Judi Dench - "Quantum of Solace"
Julie Walters - "Mamma Mia!"
Kathy Bates - "Revolutionary Road"
Marisa Tomei - "The Wrestler"
Penélope Cruz - "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Rebecca Hall - "Frost/Nixon"
Tilda Swinton - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Tilda Swinton - "Burn After Reading"
Vera Farmiga - "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"
Viola Davis - "Doubt"
Julie Walters automatically makes this list INVALID and they will longlist-nominate Judi Dench for ANYTHING. I have no idea what Hall's role is actually like in Frost/Nixon, but if it's relatively big she may get in, since nothing else jumps out to me here. Cruz, Tomei, Davis, Adams...?

Original Screenplay
"Burn After Reading"
"Changeling"
"Che Part One"
"Happy-Go-Lucky"
"Hunger"
"In Bruges"
"I’ve Loved You So Long"
"Milk"
"Rachel Getting Married"
"Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
"The Visitor"
"W."
"Wall-E"
"Waltz With Bashir"
"The Wrestler"
I like how the Brits seemed to love W. far more than we did. Wall-E, Happy-Go-Lucky, In Bruges, Milk, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I badly wish I had room for Rachel Getting Married or The Wrestler in my predictions.

Adapted Screenplay
"The Baader Meinhof Complex"
"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Dark Knight "
"Dean Spanley"
"Defiance"
"Doubt"
"The Duchess"
"Frost/Nixon "
"Gomorrah"
"Mamma Mia!"
"Persepolis"
"The Reader"
"Revolutionary Road"
"Slumdog Millionaire"
Aaaand here's where they go crazy with all the films I've never heard of and goddamn fucking Mamma Mia!, for Christ's sake. Seriously, BAFTA?!!!!!! You're all British and snooty and supposed to have better taste than this! Benjamin Button, Doubt, Frost/Nixon, and the last three are major contenders here. And Mamma Mia! BETTER NOT BE.

It's hilarious...

...when a "OMG BUY MAMMA MIA!!!!!" commercial is immediately followed by a commercial for Doubt.

dear Mamma Mia,

Why do you keep advertising? Yes, The Dark Knight has a ridiculous amount of media coverage, but its advertising, compared to yours, was low-key. Jesus.

Dammit dammit dammit.

So, I have goddamn "Dancing Queen" stuck in my head from back when I saw Mamma Mia!. And I... just downloaded it. I'm so sorry, gods of good taste!!!

Dark Knight's records shattered:

1. largest number of opening theaters (4366)
2. biggest midnight previews ($18.5 million)
3. biggest IMAX midnight previews ($640000)
4. biggest single-day box office gross ($67.9 million)
5. biggest opening weekend gross ($155.3 million)
6. biggest opening weekend of 2008 (see above)

Yeah, notice #5 there. Damn. Oh, and Mamma Mia! apparently broke the records for biggest musical opening ever, which I'd be excited about if the movie wasn't a steaming pile of shit.

I just read it on a blog somewhere and I didn't realize how true it was until I did:

In Mamma Mia!, all the dance numbers involve either women running up stairs or men jumping into the water. Did I mention this movie is shit? This movie is shit. Go see The Dark Knight instead (or even Wall-E, which is still playing in a lot of places), even if you are an 80-year-old deaf lady.

On the other hand...

Mamma Mia! is one of the worst pieces o' shit I've ever seen. Apparently Meryl Streep can suck. Who knew? There are three good things I can say about it:
1. Greece is pretty.
2. The costumes had a lot of glitter, and I appreciate that.
3. Meryl Streep saying "internets" and wearing overalls the entire damn movie was pretty funny.

Oh, dear...

So last night's guest on The Daily Show was Pierce Brosnan, and they showed a clip of him singing from Mamma Mia!. And, well, um. His singing... I thought it was Jon Stewart yelling in mockery over his actual singing.

Lord, this movie looks like shit on a stick. (Then again, so did Hairspray. But The Dark Knight is going to kick its ass, at any rate.)

IMDb's not the only board infested with morons.

Over at BroadwayWorld, a bunch of people think Mamma Mia! is going to beat The Dark Knight, specifically this weekend.

Excuse me one second.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH OH MY GOD HOW STUPID!!!!!!

Okay. I'm back!