AWFUL!!!!
10. Kristi's Lee Jeans
"The body’s not bad… BUT THAT FACE. Or rather, THAT JAW. Like too many photos this week, the entire photo makes me uncomfortable, both because Kristi herself looks so uncomfortable and because I’m afraid her jaw will attack me."
9. Ann's kimono
"What the hell is this? It’s a little frightening at first glance to be honest, hah. It’s like she’s trying to be graceful but she fails miserably and looks like she’s making up her own dance to “Walk Like An Egyptian.” When she’s in JAPAN. She shows off the kimono well, but I hate how it pools around her feet; I want to scream at her, “PICK IT UP, YOU’RE GOING TO TRIP!!!!” She looks shortish because it cut her legs off too. Her face has a very Kabuki expression, which I appreciate, but she also looks tired and draggish. I didn’t even notice the phone until I was done writing the above rant and then was like “wait, but what the hell about the product?” Not very good."
8. Cassie's YJ Stinger jumping
"Yeah, this is pretty damn terrible. The bottom two photos were just atrocious, and at a level of badness beyond the others. Cassie’s hair and pose conspire to make her look like she stuck her finger in a socket. She looks old with her facial expression and all the makeup they slathered on her. The reason she isn’t eliminated is because you can tell she was trying more than Ann is; there’s a great energy in this photo, but it’s not focused well. And, the drink is clearly in her hand. But still terrible."
7. Amanda's motorcycle
"Her torso’s pose is quite good and I love her extended leg, and I love the makeup style they did on her. That’s about the extent of the good things I can say about this photo. Both her arms totally disappeared, and her face looks completely cracked out. As usual, her eyes are blank and creepy, and the bizarre way her neck is twisted honestly reminds me of a horror film. Ugh, this photo just gives me the willies."
6. Magdalena's swimwear
"Yeah, it’s bad. She’s very very awkward because of her scrunched pose. It looks like her hand on the left is reaching down, uh, somewhere she shouldn’t be touching in a photoshoot and her legs just look frankly awful. Wow, her legs look bad. I like the way she’s looking up so intently, but her neck and back look really strained and her face is just dead, especially her eyes. In person, she was really interesting-looking, but she just does not photograph well."
5. Amanda's doppelganger
"This whole photo is just rancid. Both characters look like big sloppy drag queens. The shot on the left is extremely pedestrian and commercial, but not in a good way, and just… nothing’s there in the shot on the right, other than that it’s terrifying (the makeup, the overly weirdly buff arms, how completely bizarre that skirt is), and not in an interesting/striking way like Ann’s. Seriously bad."
4. Jennipher's roller skating
"This photo is an absolute MESS. Her body proportions look way off, it seriously looks like her legs are freakishly short, and her face is awful. She looks about four feet tall. The dress doesn’t look good on her and that wig was a serious styling mistake. She’s selling the purse okay, but ugh, that’s hardly the first place your eyes go to, and she’s holding it at an awkward place on her body."
3. Ann's YJ Stinger jumping
"Awful. There’s not a single good thing to say about this picture really. There’s no energy in it, her pose is terrible, the clothes are incredibly unflattering and you can barely see them, and she’s holding the product off to the side so she’s not selling it well. She didn’t even make it look soft and pretty, or like she was flying or anything like that. It’s a terrible angle on her face, the structure of it looks all jaw, and her expression is, well, stoned. Maybe Down’s. SORRY ABOUT THAT. But the photo is so bad!"
2. Toccara's roller skating
"She is just standing there, not giving anything to it (it’s not that “simple but strong” thing I always go on about… she’s just lamely standing there) and she looks incredibly obese, unfortunately. Like, did she gain weight between the first episode and this one? She was wearing about an equal amount of clothing but looked great back then and terrible here. Oh, well. The clothes are not flattering at all. Her face isn’t very good either, it’s just a very confused expression. She’s putting no effort into selling the purse."
1. Kelle's Lee Jeans
"OOOOUCH. There. Are. No. Words. Actually… there are many words, but I’m just not gonna say them right now."
AWESOME!!!!!
10. Nicole's swimwear
"GORGEOUS and very modelesque. She does a great job of selling the suit and drawing attention to it by putting her hands by the top and bottom of the bikini. I like how she plays with the netting. Her body looks fantastic and her face is absolutely flawless, even with heavy makeup (look at it in relative close-up… either she was very cold or they slathered blush on her). I love how she looks off into the distance; I thought that was pretty creative."
9. Nicole's roller skating
"My big problem with this photo is that she looks kinda short. Other than that, I really love it. I love the hunched couture pose and the legs. The knock-kneed thing works really well. She’s showing off at least one of the purses extremely well and yet still subtly, even if the other purse is totally hidden. I love what we can see of her face, too; she’s so beautiful."
8. Ann's doppelganger
"I love the poses and faces of both these girls. She’s even pulling off that weird pose with the girl on the left that could possibly look like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant, but not here. The face of the girl on the right kind of freaks me out, but I think that was part of its goal and it’s such a strong photo, overall. I love their interaction."
7. Julie's swimwear
"I love the weirdness and yet beauty of it. I know some of this photo’s detractors have compared her to a chicken, but I kind of like that! I mean, it’s not totally blatant, but it’s just weird enough that this photo makes you look twice, which you want in an ad of any kind. She looks tall, elegant, beautiful, and modelesque. There’s subtle action in it too. I do wish she wasn’t covering both her arms with that netting."
6. Yaya's snake beauty shot
"She looks like a queen here. This photo is absolutely stunning in its regality. I love how, despite the rather dramatic pose (especially compared to the other girls), the crazy hair, the heavy makeup and her generally extremely dramatic eyes, and the spider, she still manages to sell the jewelry very well. Her lips should have been fully closed and at a second glance, the way they styled her eyebrows REALLY BOTHERS ME, but honestly that’s nitpicking. It’s only #2 because it’s not AS amazing as Amanda’s."
5. Cassie's roller skating
"I think this is one of the best “simple” photos in ANTM history along with, I dunno, a lot of Jaslene’s. Everything about it is so effortless, but it works better than any of these other photos to be perfectly honest. LOVE her pose, LOVE LOVE LOVE the coy look on her face, LOVE how well and how casually she sells the purse. Her face takes the ridiculous makeup very well."
4. Norelle's Nivea beauty shot
"She looks amazing, almost otherworldly. In my opinion, she’s the one with the gorgeous, ethereal eyes here (blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls aren’t the only ones that can look ethereal!), not Amanda. Her eyes are gorgeous and such a stunning color, but they still have the spark of life in them. I love how she’s using her hands and yet they don’t look weird or creepily detached. To be honest I ranked these before I saw the actual episode, so I didn’t see what the girls looked like before photoshopping and ugh, this makes my rankings so much more complicated, because hers was so obviously the pre-photoshopping worst in terms of what they had to fix or whatever. So… I’m just gonna ignore that."
3. Yaya's swimwear
"She looks like a goddess, and super tall when she was on the shorter side. Her body looks flawless too. She's so strong here, and she sells the suit extremely well. She looks elegant and regal, and the haughty look on her face really works for this photo for whatever reason. Like several of the other girls who ranked highly, her pose has a low-grade energy that isn’t ridiculous but nevertheless adds interest to the photograph."
2. Norelle's YJ Stinger jumping
"At first I thought this photo was only okay and I ranked it at like 4 or 5 here, but then I was redoing my call-outs for C3 and I realized homegirl totally NAILED it here. Dunno what I was thinking before. Her pose is simply awesome and she didn’t let bouncing on a trampoline fuck it up. In fact, in a really awesome way, it looks both like she’s jumping on a trampoline, and like she’s jumping or floating through mid-air all by herself. The pose is perfectly modelesque, too, and she looks like seventeen feet tall. She sells the clothes and the energy drink extremely well. Her face is maybe a little too blank, but I’d rather have blank than hideous and at terrible angles like most of the other girls, plus she looks pretty even with the heavy makeup. This photo is miles above all the others this week."
1. Amanda's spider beauty shot
"This is the picture where her eyes work AMAZINGLY well. It’s unbelievable both as a photo and if it was going to be used as an ad. She sells the rings subtly but well. I don’t think she’s resting on pretty, even though she looks almost unbelievably STUNNINGLY beautiful; I think the look in her eyes, the position of her hand, and the smirk/smile are enough to push it past that. Amanda is very overrated overall, but this photo is almost embarrassingly underrated. The passion and beauty in it are just fucking astounding. This photo is easily one of the best pictures in ANTM history. Ugh, I can’t get over how amazing this photo is!!!"
