*note: obviously this is not actually happening
So I came up for a cast for Urinetown: The Musical: The Movie (oh I LOVE the title), as directed by Alexander Payne. Payne has the unique ability to mesh the very funny and the very sad and serious, as evidenced by his masterful films Citizen Ruth, Election, About Schmidt, and Sideways. Also, Urinetown is a show with a lot of breaking of the fourth wall (I think it would be impossible to remove it from the movie), which is VERY annoying in movies and tends to only work if you have a genius director, which Payne is. Anyway, the cast. Singing would be dubbed if necessary:
Bobby Strong... Ben Affleck
Ben Affleck is a much better actor than he is given credit for: look at Hollywoodland, Shakespeare in Love, Chasing Amy, and Dogma. He's not a good enough actor that he can elevate bad material, but when given good material, he is a good, maybe even great, actor. However, Affleck does tend to give off this vibe (or maybe just to me) of being somewhat dim-witted. Bobby Strong is no intellectual; he "has his head in the clouds," characters in the musical tell us repeatedly, and he follows his heart rather than his head. An actor who gives off intelligence, such as Leonardo DiCaprio or Affleck's best friend Matt Damon, would not succeed as much as Affleck in this part. Furthermore, Affleck seems like the typical all-American nice guy, which Bobby is - he just gets in a little too over his head, like Affleck in bad movies, to make a terrible metaphor.
Hope Cladwell... Kirsten Dunst
Poor Kirsten, much like Affleck, is plagued by criticism she doesn't much deserve. She's an impressive comic and dramatic actress, but also like Affleck, I picked her for her vibe. Hope is sweet, but much like Bobby, is too lost in dreams to necessarily make the right decision. Kirsten has a very dreamy deposition, which makes one wonder why she ended up in mostly romantic comedies to begin with (she's very good at them, don't get me wrong). And, at the very end, she goes all Marie-Antoinette: hopelessly ignorant to the needs of her "subjects," which costs her fatally.
Caldwell B. Cladwell...Kevin Spacey
Here in the '00s it may be hard to believe, but once upon a time, Kevin Spacey was a really good actor. Hopefully, this will be a return to form for him with such a good director and movie. Spacey gives off both charm and smarm, and, most importantly, performances deeply layered with subtext. Cladwell is no doubt a villain, but Kevin would be able to tell us why he's such a villain (there are many reasons, let's face it).
Officer Lockstock...Bill Murray
Officer Barrel...Steve Carell
Both are excellent comedians and physically fit their parts. Murray plays "authoritative" quite well, and quite frankly there's no actor I'd rather watch anchor a movie. His slyness (is that a word) is perfect for the role too: he is the only one that really knows what's going on all the time.
Little Sally...Abigail Breslin
Uh...I don't know, I needed someone and saying "an unknown" was a copout. She was fun in Little Miss Sunshine and certainly has both warmth (something Dakota Fanning can't claim) and comedic skills. They need to be razor-sharp for this part though, so...
Penelope Pennywise...Meryl Streep
Um, duh. It's Streep! And Pennywise might be closer to Miranda Priestly than you think - a bitch boss-from-hell with a secret broken heart (that latter part is more important with Pennywise than with Priestly, though). Added bonus: Streep can sing the hell outta stuff. "The good Lord made us so we'd piss each day, until we piss away!" Ooh, even though this movie is not coming and will not ever come out, I can't wait. :D
Senator Fipp...Paul Giamatti
Mr. McQueen...Aaron Eckhart
Giamatti has the sad, beaten-down-by-work thing going on. He's too much of a timid little thing to stand up to Cladwell, who he may or may not agree with or even like. Plus, Payne + Giamatti = OMG YES. As we learned from Thank You for Smoking, Eckhart, much like Spacey, can turn on both the smarm and charm (but Eckhart comes off far more as a salesman - which makes sense, Cladwell makes him get his hands dirty for him).
Josephine Strong...Frances McDormand
Joseph Strong...Tom Hanks
I love Frances McDormand in wacky parts, and Josephine Strong would be hilaaarious if Frances played her with her Minnesotan accent. As for Hanks, all cinephiles hate the poor guy, but I think he is genuinely nice, certainly very genuinely talented (suck it), and most importantly, self-deprecating. It's no huge part so the whiny cinephiles wouldn't be complaining about how Tom Hanks was in the movie so much, but I think it's the perfect part for him to get "indie cred" or whatever.
And that's it. Run freedom run...freedom run away...
