How much punctuation is in the title there? It's like a freaking Lord of the Rings movie title. Anyway. Because I was just talking about Jeff Probst and it reminded me of that, here is the rumored cast for the next season of Survivor, which is, as said above, another All-Stars version, and my thoughts on them.
HEROES
Tom (Palau)
I really like Tom. Yeah, he dominated the game by physically dominating it, but he knew how to work strategy too at times, even if his guilt trip of Ian was bizarre. Plus, he's just really likable. He's a NYC fireman... of course he is.
Rupert (Pearl Islands/All-Stars)
Of course he's coming back. He's decidedly one of the best characters in Survivor history. I don't love him as much as America seemed to, but I don't hate him as much as, say, everyone on Television Without Pity.
J.T. (Tocantins)
I really liked J.T. but I thought he kind of got by on being a charming Southern gentleman. Still, props for him, because I so thought he would be kind of a dumb early out, and then he completely rocked the game. There's a lot of "ahmahhhgaaahhdd Stephen talked himself out of every jury vote!!!" but you've gotta be kidding me. He would have never won. Maybe he could have gotten one or two votes, if that.
James (China/Micronesia)
I hardly watched China, but he was the one who was incredibly stupid and got voted out with like three hidden immunity idols two seasons in a row or something, right? Yeah. If he's who I'm thinking of, he seems like a nice guy, but he just doesn't deserve a third chance when he fucked the first ones up so much.
Colby (Australia/All-Stars)
He's one of my favorite people from this show ever. I love him and yeah, it doesn't really have anything to do with strategy, just the fact that he's really hot and seems like such a genuinely nice guy. He's like JT before JT was JT, kinda. I really hope he's not an early out but he probably will be.
Stephenie (Palau/Guatemala)
Eh. Loved her in Palau, was eh with her in Guatemala. She can be really spunky and awesome, but at times she gets whiny and super self-centered.
Sugar (Gabon)
I am not sure. I ADORED her on the show, but after the show was over, it was really clear she was just doing it for publicity and whatnot, and she kind of ruined her season by not voting out Bob. That said, how can I hate her after "AND A LOS-AH!!!"? Spoilers say she's a really early out and I'm not surprised.
Amanda (China/Micronesia)
I really like Amanda. I think she's the definition of scrappy, constantly underrated, and responsible for some of the most awesome moves in Survivor history. That said, she always gets to the end, where she should be the obvious winner, and completely fucks herself over in her jury speech. I hope she doesn't do that here.
Cirie (Exile Island/Micronesia)
I love Cirie, too. She brings the sass, intelligence, and brilliant strategy. If they don't vote her out early, she'll probably own this season. I don't want to see her voted out at the last minute for a third fucking time, though.
Sandra (Pearl Islands)
OH HELL YES. I hope she wins this.
VILLAINS
Coach (Tocantins)
Well, it's to be expected. I just wish he wasn't coming back so soon; I got really tired of him during Tocantins, though he was funny at first. I hope All-Stars 2 doesn't turn into The Coach Show like his season did.
Tyson (Tocantins)
Really? Coach and Tyson, coming back so soon? Thanks, Survivor producers. Really. I totally mean that. Not sarcasm at all. Noooooooooo.
Randy (Gabon)
Stupid, bigoted asshole. I hope this happens again.
Boston Rob (Marquesas/All-Stars)
I know he's obnoxious and I wish he wasn't coming back because his wife just had a baby for God's sakes, but he is kind of hilarious and I'm glad he'll be there to balance out just out-and-out douchebags like Randy and Russell (at least Corinne isn't coming back to boot). Watching his reaction to Coach's bullshit will be amazing, too, I just know it. But... supposedly he's an early out. =/
Russell (Samoa)
Evil Russell, not cool Russell with the dreadlocks. Anyway, I think this guy might be the reason I'm not watching Samoa, I'll just read the recaps somewhere until he gets voted out... which I'm pretty sure won't be for a while. He just makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to be all I CAN DIAGNOSE PEOPLE BASED ON AN HOUR OF TELEVISION! but he genuinely may be a psychopath. Pouring out his tribe's water and burning their socks on the first night? Making up stories about Katrina? Supposedly later in the season, telling one of the girl's he's allied with that he's fallen in love with her in order to get her vote or something? What the fuck. I'm hardly a flag-waving feminist, but his gross misogyny bothers me a lot. And the guy's got a wife and four kids. Yikes. That said, if he tries that shit with the girls that are supposed to be on his tribe, or better, girls like Sandra, Amanda, or Cirie, they will tear his fuckin' throat out. So, that should be fun.
Candice (Cook Islands)
Who was she again? I hated Corinne and I'm glad she's not back, but I can't imagine this girl was more villainous than her. OH WAIT! She was the one that had that one kinda creepy guy on one of the other tribes fall in love with her totally randomly! And then he talked about it at Tribal Council and Jeff was like WHAT and it was HILARIOUS! But... I guess she wasn't all that interesting herself.
Parvati (Cook Islands/Micronesia)
I liked her, but she's a little too dull to be considered a villain.
Jerri (Australia/All-Stars)
It's funny. She was like THE MOST HATED SURVIVOR CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME back during Australia, but if you watch that season now, she's really not bad at all. She was conniving and bitchy and all up on Colby, but not worthy of HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAATE. And during All-Stars, she was genuinely kind of sweet and helpful. Whaaa? I'm interested to see what happens here.
Courtney (China)
I only half-watched China, but IIRC she was way more crazy than villainous. I'll never say no to the crazy on this show, though. Yaaay.
Danielle (Exile Island)
Huh? Who? I don't even remember her. The female "villains" aren't nearly as horrendous as their male counterparts, which is both good and bad, I guess.
I hope that Coach is an early out so we don't have to hear him for almost an entire season again and somehow it works out that Sandra, Colby, and Cirie all band together to vote out Russell and Randy not too late in the game. Yesssss.
