Day 4 (?) of being snowed in.

plz help :(

I am ...

very thankful for many things. That is all. :D

MLBN's Prime 9 Infields

had the 2009 Yankees at #3. This makes me verrah happy.

man,

that "Runaway" song by Kanye West is actually... really depressing me.

hi.

Hello.

it amuses me

that despite the fact that I've barely posted since July, I still have 549 (now 550) posts in 2010 on this thing. 550!!!!!!!

Working from home.

For a job I love.

When they still have the food delivery service that they pay for as long as I spend under $100 per day (which isn't, you know, difficult)

Maaaaaan this is awesome.

/posts for the first time in years

I am eating dinner.

It's 2:34 AM. Nothin' wrong with that.

It's been a rough week of baseball.

Some winning would be nice, Yankees. (Except for last night, last night ruled.)

just a note

I'm alive.

And have some dumb sportswriting things that I may FJM later. \o/

Why is Google Chrome so screwy :(

I need to stop.

I need to start.

Uhhh.

Hi. So, what are you all up to?

Yo.

Hey Blogger, I KNOW ABOUT THE FREAKING TEMPLATE DESIGNER YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME YOU ASSPONIES.

I'm alive.

Just really really busy and tired I apologize.

And holy crap, it's August.

or you could unfollow me, you fucking jackass.

It's hot out.

My shoulders are sweating, how is this possible? :(

Snapple is a cruel mistress.

That is all.

ANDY NOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

it's really hot

Yeah.

well, wow

Last year since the All-Star Game, not counting the postseason, here are Andy Pettitte's numbers:

17-5, 2.97 ERA, 200.1 IP, 165 K, 2.46 K/BB, 1.168 WHIP, .230/.295/.345/.640 against

He good.

Remember that stat update thing I was supposed to do every week? Oops. I will offer my thoughts on the All-Star Game later.

it's been a long-ass day

How is it only Tuesday, how how how.

RIP, Boss.

I am so unbelievably lucky that you own my favorite team.

ooh crap.

Emmy noms out tomorrow. Except I really don't care about TV any more now that I'm just kinda meh about The Office and I'm so busy working... =/

My right elbow hurts like a biiiitch.

This is super unfortunate. :(

And I guess I am using that template designer, hee. This is all ~emo~ and stuff.

I'M SO TIRED.

At least I have a shiny new TV and stuff.

wow, didn't post in a while...

What's up, all?

aaaagghhghghg

I'm at work until 10 PM tonight. No I am not kidding.

off to Maryland

There won't be any posting for at least the weekend. Boohoo. :(

uhm

I keep going outside for a few things for work and all I have to say is THANK GOD FOR AIR CONDITIONING.

oh HELLO

By BB-Ref WAR and VORP the Yankees have the #1 position player in all of baseball (Cano) and the #1 pitcher in the AL (Pettitte). Oompa loompa doompity dawesome.

CUUUUPCAAAAAKES

My company ordered Crumbs cupcakes. I love life.

sooooo

What the heck happened to Clive Owen? Just wondering. :(

Aaarghhhh

The World Cup is on at my office and I just do not terribly care about it and I have to listen to these announcers and the vuvuzelas and AAAGH.

oh wow

These vuvuzela things are SO ANNOYING.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Pettitte!

Oh so pretty.

Bruno

Not nearly as good as Borat. Like... don't mention it in the same sentence.

so uh

What's this The Real L Word show about? Because the ads make it look, um, interesting.

ETA: Oh I looked it up and it's about ~real lesbians ZOMGGGG!!!!~ shocking, actually, now that I think about it.

ooh a template designer!

I'm totally not using it but that's cool.

meh

Today is long.

Wow.

If you say "Strasburg's debut wasn't that impressive, it was against the Pirates," you're a hater and/or you weren't watching because that guy was pure filth. The Pirates do suck and maybe a better team would have been able to work a walk or two off of him, but he was amazing.

I will never understand...

Lady Gaga.

But, God bless her.

Christina Aguilera can really sing.

I never update this any more.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It's gone from like decent weather to HEAT OF DEATH outside aaaaah

I'm reading this at 10:48 PM becaaaause...

I am super hungry and bored. I guess.

whyyyy is it so hot

Deathly hot blarrrgh.

ahhhh...

Nothing like getting to work from home for the week :)

soooooooooo

I guess Sex and the City 2 is that one movie that the critics just go ballistic on every year. I'm sure it's actually really bad, but eesh.

alsfjljg;l.

I've been watching Mariah Carey videos for like hours. Why? I do not know.

mmm.

real satisfied. Seriously...

no matter how much I floss...

My gums bleed. It's bad. TMI'd?

confession:

I'm watching softcore porn right now. Just because I'M BORED.

my days:

1. wake up
2. talk to fiance while getting ready
3. go to work
4. work
5. lunch break!!!!!
6. more work
7. go home from work
8. more fiance time
9. dinner (if I feel like it)
10. watch the Yankees (lose, lately =/)
11. not sleep

doot doot dooooo.

The highlights of my work days:
1. getting to leave
2. when I order lunch

ARGITY BARGITY!!!!

It's been a tough two weeks all around.

dear my best friend,

Please move to New York. I miss you. A lot.

Love,
Me.

it's gooooorgeous out

And I'm stuck inside. Being employed is not very fun sometimes!!!

oh boo.

Me posting that picture of Andy totally jinxed Andy :( Sorry, baby.

so... Office finale tomorrow.

I should watch this, shouldn't I.

because all the Yankees are injured and I'm having a mental breakdown about it

Oh God you're so pretty Andy.

I am playing hooky from work today.

Woo wooooo!!! Sushi time.

I'm so tired

But I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep.




...oh, and I'm getting married. Sounds really, really weird to say.

I have no fingernails.

AAAGLJGLGJL BASEBALL

it's really sad...

what happened to Lindsay Lohan. Seriously. And for a while there, she looked like she was kind of making her way back. =/

"Black or White" is really a fantastic song.

RIP, Michael. Seriously.

I should really be asleep.

Instead, I'm going to watch this 57 times:

That game went from an embarrassing blowout to a nailbiter to a humiliating loss to an utterly exhilarating win. How can you not love baseball?

doot dooooo

Bored. Entertain me, someone.

"She-Wolf."

Worst song ever or, like, worst song ever.

uhm. wow.

Apparently I MISSED the ANTM finale. Oops!

This is how not to eat.

1. eat a normal lunch at noon.
2. busy doing things until 10:30 PM.
3. become a starving person.
4. go to a diner, get way too much food, stuff face, get super full.

SOMEONE overslept.

Schwoopsies.

Friday nights are so BORING now

I miss college.

MOAR SUSHI

YAAAAAYYYYYY

well. this is inconvenient.

I have a giant mosquito bite right on my inner thigh. Awesome.

the absolute best thing about work

the website where I order lunch. Yessssssss

blah blah blah

Think you'll be getting this? Nah, nah, nah...

I failed at watching ANTM again

Aslgjlajgljag.

Though Raina in the F2? Awesome. And go Krista!

I actually work now.

So yeah. That...

Sarah Polley

Is way too good an actress to be in this Splice shit.

I am TERRIBLY ABANDONING this blog. :(

Seriosuly, apologies. There's just not that much to write about...

lol Spider-Man

this is still the silliest movie (next to Spider-Man 3)

no, AOL.com

I don't want to read your analysis on ANYTHING in the Obama administration.

in case you forgot.

Scarlett Johansson is so hot.

perhaps there are no baseball gods

Mike Mussina loses his perfect game with two outs in the bottom of the ninth on an 0-2 pitch.

Andy Pettitte loses his perfect game on a stupid error.

Dallas Braden has a perfect game.

(Also, for the haterrrrzzzz, the Yankees, who have come to represent TEH EVIL!!!! in baseball, have more than twice as many championships as the next closest competitor. Ha ha, suck it.)

aaaghhhh

I haven't watched America's Next Top Model in WEEKS. Blah. Some day I will and then I'll write a big summary! Really!

uhhhm.

Wind.

gorgonzola.

Why are you so delicious?

oy

I have to get up so early tomorrow to sing about Jesus. STILL.

haha oh wow.

I forgot how lame Mrs. Doubtfire is, considering that my dad was like obsessed with that movie when I was much younger and watched it all the freaking time.

ha ha.

I was outside and I saw someone wearing a shirt that said "talanted in many ways." Whoopsies. You dumb.

oh fffff.

I forgot to watch America's Next Top Model uhhhh-gain. But I see they sent Jessica home. BOOOO!!!!!!

why yes...

I DID have a heart attack about my baby getting taken out of the game today ;_; Thankfully he seems okay.

I am very lucky.

Personal stuff going on, but that's all I'm going to say. I may be unemployed and lead a boring life, but I realized things could be much, much worse.

woof

Tonight, the YES broadcasters spent A LOT of time talking about how Pettitte talked to Matusz when the Yankees were in Baltimore and told him how genuinely awesome he was, and how Matusz grew up watching Pettitte and was blown away by Pettitte even talking to him.

I hope there was a lot of, you know, like, touching on the shoulder and stuff during this conversation. And then some... like... private mentoring.

I am gross. I apologize.

hrmmmm

It appears I am posting a lot less here because I can babble on Twitter. Good/bad? YOU DECIDE!

this weather needs to stop.

SO HUMID. DISGUSTING. My hair is in a state no one should see right now.

I love Scarlett Johansson.

For serious.

I do not love Glee.

just confirming it.

Julie and Julia movie >>>> Julie and Julia book. Amy Adams is much more likable than the author.

in life, there are three things I'm really grateful for.

1. the internet
2. air conditioning
3. chapstick

Bejeweled.

It still rules.

By the way.

Twitter is addicting.

you know what makes me feel better?

Chinese food and pictures of Andy Pettitte.

I am. So tired.

If anyone says that Cashman should be seriously criticized because Granderson got hurt I will hurt you.

ANTM these past... two weeks?

Hair couture:
1. Krista
2. Raina
3. Alasia
4. Jessica
5. Alexandra
6. Anslee
7. Angelea

New Zealand countryside:
1. Raina
2. Jessica
3. Krista
4. Alasia
5. Angelea
6. Alexandra

At least the endless parade of girls with names beginning in "A" are leaving. Hooray!

MOOOOORE ORANGE JUICE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

this Cubs/Diamondbacks game is already sloppy

lol Cubs. KILL THE DIAMONDBACKS!!!!

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.

Standing on the edge of something much too deep.

Yeah, I don't know why I'm singing Sarah McLachlan either.

orange juice is freaking delicious

Yummy.

ALASIA GOT KICKED OFF????

Thank you, Jesus!!!!

hace frio.

Seriously, is it near May or October?

strangely prescient...

http://forums.nyyfans.com/showpost.php?p=1661984&postcount=54

I want some Chinese food so badly.

Sooooo badly.

so tired.

I keep waking up at like 7 for various reasons. Not good.

coconut M&Ms...

they exist, and they seem gross...

horrifying thought

I was reading the NYYFans archive, and I found a thread from 2006 suggesting the Yankees trade A-Rod to the Angels for three very highly touted prospects at the time:
- Brandon Wood
- Jeff Mathis
- Nick Adenhart

Yeah this would have been a bad move. I mean... Adenhart probably wouldn't have been in that horrible car crash and he might develop into a very good pitcher, but... wow. If I trade a player of A-Rod's caliber, I want the entire fucking top fifty of Baseball Prospectus' top prospects.

YAAAAY

ANTM's photos this week are non-busted. That is exciting.

I could watch Fuse for hoooours.

And often do.

holy CRAP

The Yankees lost to the Orioles tonight. That was bad. But it could be worse. Here is Trevor Hoffman's line tonight:

BS, 1 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 0 K, 5 ER, 2 HR vs. Pirates

Also, Zack Greinke has a 2.56 ERA on this young season. He is winless.

I just got a Twitter

Am I a tool now?

oh no.

Why do I have this like bump on my lip? I don't really ever do anything except stay inside and look for jobs and run on a treadmill and sometimes post in this here blog thing. I do not deserve this. Booo.

wow. So many feelings.

Part of me thanks whoever put Pettitte in that position and the other part of me is like WTF. Also, is Jorge... like... not really grabbing Mo's leg? Come on Jorge, the only thing sillier than this positioning is half-assing this positioning.

One thing is for sure: Jeter will clearly have no part of this ridiculousness.

well this is bad

I think my chair is like breaking. boooooo

yet another

What a handsome team.

double awesomeness.

lol Michael Kay was there

all there really is to say

Obama + Yankees = OMGGGGG AWESOMENESSSSSS

commercials annoy me.

I just saw a Nivea commercial where this girl puts the lotion on her legs then goes out in a miniskirt to hang out with her boyfriend. Only problem? Her boyfriend is riding a motorcycle. But she just hops up on that thing. NO ONE DOES THAT IN A MINISKIRT!!!!

WOW, WHAT?

Ke$ha wears her own placenta as a necklace?!?

what I want you got.

and it might be hard to handle.

so many posts in April!

here's another one.

baseball players are super dumb :\

If you weren't watching the Fox game this afternoon, before the game, they had this little montage of baseball players/managers being asked their answer to the question of which one player all-time they would take to start a franchise. Let me repeat that: which one player all time. All time. ALL TIME. ALL TIME. Did I say that enough?

Only one player picked Babe Ruth. Only one picked Willie Mays. Only one picked Hank Aaron. No one picked Ted Williams. No one picked Ty Cobb. No one picked Barry Bonds. No one picked Mantle, Musial, Gehrig, Wagner...

TWO PEOPLE PICKED JOE MAUER. FREAKING TWO!!!!!!! Now, Joe Mauer, provided he stays healthy and/or doesn't fall off a cliff based on nothing or wearing down, is going to have an amazing career at an absolutely premium position. BUT HE IS NOT THE GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME. YOU ALL ARE REALLY DUMB.

Andy Pettitte picked Mariano Rivera. Now Andy is very sweet in doing this and he warms my heart and all, but c'mon, Andy, he's a relief pitcher.

JONATHAN PAPELBON made more sense than these people in picking Cy Young. SERIOUSLY!

also...

the choir today ._. Good lord bad life decision.

it probably ain't gonna last very long but...

Andy Pettitte: American League ERA leader.

Yes plz.

I luuuurve...

"Bohemian Rhapsody." Yesss.

BEJEWELED, YOU'RE KILLING ME

They have these new pop-up ads for kitty litter and it stops the stupid game. Grrr!

ughhhhh

I have to wake up soooo early tomorrow to go sing about Jesus whyyyyy

Carlos Gomez is a goddamn moron.

Just wanted to remind everyone.

aargh my dad

He totally guilt-tripped me into participating in a choir for this guy I'm like 90% convinced is his boyfriend or something like that (I'm not being serious, but my dad talks about this guy so much and it's irritating). Except I haven't sung in like three years and it's freaking like choir soul music. I am a tiny white person who had an annoying squirrely voice when I could sing. Aargh this is going to be awful.

Bejeweled.

I think I've been playing this for like six hours straight agh.

The Office lately.

It's so boring now. :( Like, I care... and it's funny... but I... don't care...

I will say people whining about the whole Andy/Erin thing are completely obvious Jim/Pam fans who are just annoyed they don't get the screen time the former do now.

do you even have to ask?

My answer is obviously: Just one night with Andy Pettitte. Okay, A-Rod himself wouldn't be too bad if Andy couldn't make it. ;)

just wondering

Has there ever been a beer commercial that wasn't at least vaguely horribly insulting to women?

oh, woot.

there's actually a new Office tomorrow/tonight.

a slight hat tip to tonight's ANTM

I totally, totally thought Alexandra was going home tonight. It was really obvious. So much so, that I actually gasped when they called her name as safe.

At least I don't have to look at Anslee and her sour face any more, yay.

my thoughts on tonight's game

:3

The only good thing about losing Pettitte for those three years.

oh wow!

A song! By Justin Timberlake! I didn't know he did music any more!

nyyfans.com is hysterical

I'm pretty sure they blame every bad thing that ever happened to the Yankees on Dave Eiland. They sound like children because their hatred of him is so pure, complete, and irrational.

oh wow I didn't even talk about last week's ANTM

So, Cover Girl photos. No explanation, because they're so bad and not worth it boooo.

1. Jessica
2. Angelea
3. Alasia
4. Alexandra
5. Raina
6. Anslee
7. Krista
8. Brenda

Tonight's photoshoot, which got released already, is much better than this one, thank God.

(amusing note: I blanked out and had originally written "is much better than God." That was up for a couple of hours. WHOOPS!)

7/11 is making beer?

That sounds....... repulsive.

aaarghhh

West Coast baseball trips ;_;

My God.

"Flashing Lights" is such an awesome song. I really do love Kanye West. Musically speaking of course... and, okay, when he makes Taylor Swift cry.

it's official.

Letters to Juliet looks like maybe the worst movie ever. And NOW they have an ad with Taylor Swift, making it even WORSE.

I have bad taste in music.

I've been listening to a "Black Eyed Peas" station on Pandora for like four hours now. Bad.

baseball's leaders, April 4-April 19

WAR and WARP are not very fun to look at right now because they max out at like 1.1 and the superior performers so far are tied for like 0.9, 0.8, etc. so I'll turn to VORP. I think I'll do this week to week, just to laugh at things at the end of the season. Let's see how long I keep this up for ;)

VORP leaders, hitting, AL:
1. Vernon Wells TOR 11.2
2. Scott Podsednik KCR 11
3. Nelson Cruz TEX 10.3
4. Shin-soo Choo CLE 10.2
5. Jose Guillen KCR 9.9
6. Dustin Pedroia BOS 9.7
7. Jorge Posada NYY 8.5
8. Franklin Gutierrez SEA 8.4
9. Derek Jeter NYY 8.2
10. Miguel Cabrera DET 7.9
11. Joe Mauer MIN 7.8
12. Adam Lind TOR 7.7
13. Alex Gonzalez TOR 7.6
14. Hideki Matsui ANA 7.4
15. Justin Morneau MIN 7.0
(Granderson and Cano are #16 and 17, wooo. :) )

VORP leaders, hitting, NL:
1. Josh Willingham WAS 10.9
2. Chase Utley PHI 10.8
3. Casey McGehee MIL 10.7
4. Albert Pujols STL 9.4
5. Martin Prado ATL 9.2
6. Adrian Gonzalez SDP 8.8
7. Ivan Rodriguez WAS 8.3
8. Ryan Braun MIL 8.1
9. Jeff Francoeur NYM 7.4
10. Jimmy Rollins PHI 7.3
11. Matt Kemp LAD 7.2
12. Brad Hawpe COL 7.0
13. Hanley Ramirez FLA, Placido Polanco PHI 6.9
14. Manny Ramirez LAD 6.6
15. Andre Ethier LAD 6.3

VORP leaders, pitching, AL:
1. Matt Garza TBR 11.4
2. Ricky Romero TOR 9.8
3. Andy Pettitte NYY 9.0 (woof, I'll be in my bunk.)
4. Dana Eveland TOR 6.0
5. Dallas Braden OAK 5.9
6. John Lackey BOS 5.6 (I suspect this will change after they update with today's stats, as the Rays murdered him today.)
7. Jered Weaver ANA, CC Sabathia NYY, AJ Burnett NYY 5.4
8. Doug Fister SEA 5.1
9. Francisco Liriano MIN, John Danks CHW, David Price TBR 4.8
10. Brian Bannister KCR 4.5
11. Colby Lewis TEX 4.4
12. Scott Baker MIN, Matt Guerrier MIN 4.3
13. Ben Sheets OAK, Felix Hernandez SEA, Tony Pena CHW 4.1
14. Brett Anderson OAK, Justin Duchscherer OAK 4.0
15. Jeremy Guthrie BAL, Fausto Carmona CLE 3.9

VORP leaders, pitching, NL:
1. Roy Halladay PHI 11.7
2. Tim Lincecum SFG 11.1
3. Ubaldo Jimenez COL 10.8
4. Adam Wainwright STL 10.6
5. Livan Hernandez WAS 10.5 (.173 BABIP? Yeah, that explains a lot.)
6. Barry Zito SFG 8.6
7. Zach Duke PIT, Jaime Garcia STL, Roy Oswalt HOU 7.5
8. Mike Pelfrey NYM 7.2
9. Brad Penny STL 7.1
10. Ryan Dempster CHC 6.2
11. JA Happ PHI, Hiroki Kuroda LAD 5.8
12. Johan Santana NYM, Carlos Silva CHC 5.6
13. Burke Badenhop FLA 5.3
14. Ricky Nolasco FLA 5.2
15. Jonathan Sanchez SFG 5.1

a conversation with my dad.

Dad: I heard a song the other day.
Me: Okay. What song was it?
Dad: I don't know. It was by a guy with a hat, though.
Me: Okay...
Dad: What's that song called? You know, right?
Me: ?????

TONGUE.

Stubble. Eyes. Cheekbones. Neck. I want. Badly.

cheese is the best

I just wanted to let everyone know that.

and speaking of baseball!

So today I didn't really have time to watch the game. I saw the first three or so innings, where Pettitte looked like he was really laboring and gave a lead back.

Of course, I missed him pitching EIGHT INNINGS of two-run ball! Seriously. Go, Andy!!!!

things I don't care about but have to deal with anyway

- people whining about Joba. STILL
- people's fantasy teams

aargh

My new Chapstick has a like sharp nub on the lip or whatever you call it and it scrapes my lip whenever I use the Chapstick. SO ANNOYING

it's FREEZING!!!!

This changing weather is NOT GOOD for my cold that WILL NOT DIE.

fitting

I put on the TV and the Gwen Stefani "Underneath It All" song is on. That's for my boyfriend who deals with all my crap including letting all the internets know about my sex dreams about professional baseball players :)

my dad is so weird

He won't stop talking about Madonna. Seriously...

wowww

So I've had a very long couple of days and I was trying to go to sleep and I just had an incredibly vivid dream about Alex Rodriguez (seriously, A-Rod?) that actually woke me up. Wow. Yeah... it's bad.

Date Night

it's actually much funnier the second time around. And it was pretty funny the first time.

feminism means

tut-tutting over guys saying girls are hot or not when your entire blog objectifies dudes and then attacking girls for saying celebrities you personally like because you think they're cool are ugly, or something

songs in my head

cuz it's me, you, you, me, me, you, all night
have it your way, foreplay
before i feed your appetite

okay, cold

It's time to go away now. Te odio.

something else very tasty

I want to lick Andy's neck in the worst way. And the bulging, sweaty arm? Unnnnffffff.

Sorry, it's late and I clearly need sex or something. Wow, did I say that?

oh, man

the Dodgers feed always has food commercials for like El Pollo Loco, which looks insanely delicious. Except it's 12:30 AM. And there's like nothing to eat in my house. Booooo!

AAAAH

Why every time when my dad comes over does everything turn into like some horrible adventure

aarrghghhhh

My brain is in such a fog lately (job searching... personal shit... baseball when I have time to watch it......) I forgot to watch ANTM again. Whatever, it'll be online later. And I'm not gonna get to watch Top Chef Masters. Though that's Bravo.

HMMMMMM

AOL headline: "Why the Tea Party just can't shake the racist label"

WELL GEE I HAVE NO IDEA IT'S NOT LIKE 95% OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE TERRIBLY RACIST AND USE OPENLY RACIST SHIT TO GET THEIR MESSAGE ACROSS

aaargh

It seriously feels like I have some horrible clog in my throat. Sorry, you all obviously wanted to know that.

what a wonderful home opener :)

The wonderful ring ceremony, Andy ruling, Posada and Nick Johnson ruling, Jeter absolutely killing a ball, Mo with the save. Woot.

Well, David Robertson didn't rule. But if you're gonna have a meltdown, it's best to have it when your team has a six-run lead.

oooh!!!

Old Sex and the City episodes. Like, when Miranda had the world's worst hairdo. Good lord, could she look more unattractive? Poor Cynthia Nixon.

augh dammit

ANTM-link-I-was-watching-online FAIL. Well, I know Tatianna got kicked off... boo?

um, wow

Jessica just outperved Nigel by a lot.

okay I know Nigel Barker is a sleazebucket...

but he's really hot. Dammit.

I love orange juice.

Yummy.

you might not actually be a baseball fan if

you say "Albert Pujols will have to go elsewhere other than St. Louis to win a World Series." Um?

oh wow

I still haven't watched last week's ANTM, oops.

I love Joe Mauer.

Dreamy. Also, hilarious.

I saw Date Night

It's adorable. Tina Fey and Steve Carell are all kinds of awesome as you might expect.

I HATE that I like the song "Burn It to the Ground." It's Nickelback... ughhhhh.

oh my God what

The best part of this is Mo in the background (aaah Mo without a shirt that's just weird =/) trying desperately not to laugh

BEING SICK SUCKS

I have literally sat on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket for like 75% of today. Waaaahhhhh

House is really bad

How do people watch this?

I haaaate

when colds kill my social life. boooooooo

also I have the sniffles.

Grrr boo hiss.

boy my night sucked.

Had nothing to do with the Yankee game though it didn't really help. Therefore, the highlight of my night is this:



I wish I could smack Andy Pettitte's ass whenever I wanted to.

rather unsurprisingly...

Amy Adams looks great pregnant. Probably because she's Amy Adams and she's awesome and all that.

woot?

New SATC 2 trailer. (it's at the bottom)

Nice song choice ;)

I can't even be bothered to say anything about these ANTM photos.

So I'll just rank 'em:

1. Jessica
2. Brenda
3. Raina
4. Alasia
5. Anslee
6. Krista
7. Alexandra
8. Tatianna
9. Angelea

naaaahhhhthaaaang on tv.

boooo

oh greeeeatttt

I can FEEL MYSELF getting sick. YAAAAAY.

Oh holy crap. Again.

I just... I...

it's sooooo lovely.

good lawd

the ANTM photos from last night are just not very good, again. I will make snarky comments on them later.

I may have said this before, but...

I love Andrew Eugene Pettitte. I hate to talk intangibles, but he's a winner in every way. Seriously, he had nothing early on last night, was apparently dealing with a terrible case of whiplash from that collision with Ellsbury, the umpire was squeezing him like no other, and he still pitched a really great game and made the pitches when he had to.

Also, my heart just about melted when he wanted to know if Youkilis was okay. And that fist pump after striking out Ortiz was hawt.

oh crap =/

totally forgot about ANTM last night grrr. It'll be online soon though, so yay.

I hope Joel Sherman feels bad

Suck it, Joel. Suck. It.

insaaaane in the membraaaane

that's my life right now aljlasjg.g. Sorry for the lack of posts.

my tummy is unhappy

Booooo. :(

okay. calmed down.

I'm not watching Project Runway any more, if you guys couldn't tell.

HOLY SHIT

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE?
IS THIS JUST FANTASY?

CAUGHT IN A LAAAAANDSLIDE...

SERIOUSLY DOES THIS PICTURE REALLY EXIST AND IF SO HOW DID I NEVER SEE IT BEFORE?!?%#%%?

the most annoying thing about my dad

is when he discovers some new doodad like Pandora radio, Facebook, or Twitter, and asks me like 5028068068 questions about it.

Vampires!

Good lord this photoshoot was so bad. :( I don't feel like getting into a ton of detail on this photoshoot, because of the badness.

1. Brenda: This is Brenda's first truly fierce photo since the first one. She doesn't look all weirdly cut up, I love her face, and the way she's playing with that guy's hand is awesome.
2. Jessica: I'm not crazy about her mouth here. That's a weird thing to nitpick, but it's true. However, the rest of the picture is pretty good. I get a True Blood/Kristen Stewart vibe, and that's not exactly a bad thing for this photoshoot.
3. Raina: Her eyes are completely wonky, and I'm surprised no one commented on that, and I hate the fact that one leg is completely missing. But she's got a great pose and I love the action.
4. Alasia: CLOSE YOUR LEGS. But, I like her passion.
5. Simone: The judges really unfairly ripped on this, IMO. How surprising, I am biased toward the amazing goddess that is Simone. Anyway, it's not a great picture. I see a little awkwardness and stiffness, to be sure. But I like her pose and I see a connection with her and the guy.
6. Anslee: I don't like how she cut off her legs, at all. But you know what, I actually love how she's gripping the edge of the tub. It gives this picture some oomph.
7. Alexandra: Her face is weird and her legs/other limbs look all distorted.
8. Angelea: What? It's just not a very good angle on her face.
9. Tatianna: Hate how all her limbs look like stumps, HAAAAATE her face.
10. Krista: Dude, you could at least TRY.

I tiiiired.

I'm gonna go take a nap now. Yes, now.

BASEBALL.

It's really wonderful to watch. :)

Albert Pujols on track for a mere 324 HRs.

I need to chug some water.

Yeesh.

PANIC!!!!!

meh not really. Hitting was there, bullpen will be there.

I just cannot deal with Yankees/Red Sox this early on. Yeesh.

dear Bravo,

You should bring back Make Me A Supermodel. That show ruled. Though no one from it went anywhere in the modeling world :( I really thought one of Sandhurst, Branden, or Jonathan would have at least a decent career...

READY TO DEFEND IT.

That's all.

a visit to Yankee camp

Bif > this Andy person but it's still funny. Texy!!

Also ughhh Andy Pettitte in a t-shirt and shorts, I can't decide whether this means I'm going to have nice dreams tonight or whether I won't be able to sleep because of it. Oh Andrew, the things I would do to/with you...

CC Sabathia seems like a really good person and that makes me happy =)

ETA: This was originally titled "Letterman visits Yankee camp" and then I realized that was untrue and changed it. But my mistake remains in the title of this post. Boo.

Not tired. Can't sleep.

Blah I say. Blah.

Vin Scully has a big crush on Bobby Abreu.

eom

ewww

I had a huge dinner tonight. And I'm gonna have a huge lunch/dinner tomorrow. Stop it, fatty.

pardon my French but FUCK.

This now makes ESPN EVEN WORSE!!!!

not that I don't like you I'm just at a party

And I am sick 'n tired of my phone r-ringing...

you stop that, Jack Curry

Well this made me depressed.

my MLB predictions

We'll look at these and laugh in October/November. Hopefully not at the final result, though. ;)

AL WEST
1. Texas - win total in the low 90s
2. Los Angeles - a game or two back
3. Seattle - a few games over .500
4. Oakland - well under .500

AL CENTRAL
1. Chicago - win total in the high 80s
2. Minnesota - a few games back
3. Detroit - a game or two back of Minnesota
4. Cleveland - many games back, well under .500
5. Kansas City - ditto

AL EAST
1. New York - wins in the high 90s or low 100s
2. Boston - low 90s (Wild Card)
3. Tampa Bay - high to mid 80s
4. Baltimore - under .500, but greatly improved from last year
5. Toronto - well under .500


NL WEST
1. Colorado - mid-90s wins
2. Los Angeles - high-80s wins
3. Arizona - about .500
4. San Francisco - about .500
5. San Diego - well under .500

NL CENTRAL
1. St. Louis - low to mid-90s wins
2. Chicago - high to mid 80s
3. Milwaukee - slightly over .500
4. Cincinnati - slightly under .500
5. Houston - hopeless and terrible
6. Pittsburgh - terrible, but more hope than Houston, really!

NL EAST
1. Philadelphia - high 90s wins
2. Atlanta - high 80s to low 90s wins (Wild Card)
3. Florida - mid-80s
4. New York - about .500
5. Washington - under .500 but greatly improved


PLAYOFFS
ALDS:
Yankees over White Sox
Red Sox over Rangers

NLDS:
Phillies over Cardinals
Braves over Rockies

ALCS:
Yankees over Red Sox
Braves over Phillies

World Series:
Yankees over Braves

what?

They're making an American Pie 4 or something? Is it 1999 again?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I really can't stop laughing at this

yeesh

I think the Yankees have the Spring Training equivalent of senioritis.

AARRGHGHGHGHGH

A truly loud and annoying car alarm has been going on outside my house for about ten minutes.

well this is unpleasant

My arm is all numb. :(

Jon Heyman is just bad

a new article

So here are his "surprise teams" to watch:
Tampa Bay Rays
Colorado Rockies
Minnesota Twins
Atlanta Braves
Arizona Diamondbacks
Cincinnati Reds
Cleveland Indians

His reasoning is mostly a lot of bullshit based on Spring Training stats, especially his jizzing all over the Rays (who are a very good team, don't get me wrong, but calm down Jon). But seriously, the Rockies and Twins made the playoffs last year. How would those teams "surprise" you in 2010? The Rays were in the World Series two years ago and had a rough year in a really awesome division last year, and still finished above .500. The Braves were... I want to say 86-76? and made a serious push at the Wild Card and division toward the end of the season. I'll give him the final three, even if they're just generally based on him blabbing on about ST. The Indians' top three starters are Jake Westbrook, Fausto Carmona, and Justin Masterson. ST don't mean shit, to quote LaTroy Hawkins; that's a bad rotation.

Also, I seriously want to fucking punch him in the face for going on about "a scout says... a NL executive said..." I really hate that shit. It says nothing. For one thing, we don't know if a scout actually said it, or if you just made it up. And also, even if a scout did say it, we don't know that there's not a scout that said something diametrically opposed to that thing. Agh!!!

Sorry, I'm apparently disproportionately angry over this.

I have forgotten to mention...

The new ANTM intro is hot. The music makes me want to rock out, kinda.

- Tyra looks good
- Raina is freaking gorgeous here
- I can momentarily forget how skanky and annoying Brenda is and concentrate on how bad her makeup is
- I MISS YOU SIMONE YOU GORGEOUS DUKE-ATTENDING CREATURE
- ugh that makeup is such a no on Tatianna but she's actually okay
- Alexandra is just a really pretty girl.
- Krista is odd-looking
- LOVE JESSICA.
- Naduah still weirds me out
- Alasia... gross
- Gabrielle looks like an alien and that's cool.
- Anslee's face looks very strange and square-ish...
- as much as I hate to say it, Ren looks amazing.
- Angelea is skank.

another note about ANTM

Krista has a weirdly-shaped head.

Brenda from this cycle of ANTM

is the only redhead on ANTM that I do not love, at least as far back as I can think. GOOD LORD SHE IS ANNOYING. And I feel like she's getting a winner edit. Oh no. =/

parents are weird

My dad called me because "[he] was in the neighborhood and wanted to take a nap." Weirdo.

remind me...

not to believe anything I read for the next like 24 hours or so. Thanks.

ANTM tonight

SCREW YOU JUDGES BOOOOO I HATE YOU ALL

Seriously, why do they love Alasia and hate all the fierce ladies? Ugh. At least it was really obvious Simone was going home, so I could like, brace myself for it, and not cry and etc.

Also, that photoshoot seriously made me want to vomit. That's not the shoot to see when it's that time of the month. And I feel like all the girls had better photos in their rolls of film, seeing the poses they made at the shoot.

also wooo it's Wednesday.

ANTM time!!!

Fuse is pretty awesome.

Seriously, it's like an actual music video channel. What a novel idea. It makes me feel better when I read things like this, which I dub the Whiny Comment of the Day:
"The Yankees aren't trying to develop any starting pitchers!!!!"
Oh, sorry, even if you've totally 100% given up on the idea of Joba ever being a starting pitcher, is Phil Hughes chopped liver?

aghhhghhhqgjljasg

I love my dad and all but he's been talking to me about Ricky Martin for three hours and he keeps saying all this incredibly offensive stuff about gay people and I want to tell him to stop but I can't cuz he's my dad and aaaagh

(fans self)

I'm watching a repeat of the Yankee game from earlier and did Ken Singleton say he saw Andy in the locker room and Andy's body was conditioned well? WOW. You should... not say these things to me and other impressionable young ladies that may be watching, Ken.

I'll be in my bunk.

this blog is not unlike mine

dullestblog.com

YES Network knows what its lady viewers like.

Lots of pans over to Pettitte who was at that game he was not pitching in for some reason? Yes please.

I woke up at 5:42 this morning

blergh. This weather is awful and makes it like 4 degrees in my apartment.

I like this a lot.

from 1999.

WHOAH RICKY MARTIN IS GAY

I HAD NO IDEA REALLY I DIDN'T

holy crap guys.

the video for "Telephone." I know I'm like weeks old on this.

My brain hurts. Lady Gaga rules as does Beyonce.

dear Daily Show,

your coverage of the whole health care bill was slightly underwhelming. :( Which I guess is what happens when you're on break when the thing actually happens.

wowwww

this is an awful photoshoot.

I will rank them when the episode actually airs, but I think I only like Jessica and Brenda's. Jessica's is very True Blood.


also, it's, um, that time, so seeing bathtubs full of blood makes me want to vomit

oh, man...

Lindsay Lohan is such a goddamn mess now. It's really a shame.

I cannot decide

whether Amanda Seyfried is pretty or really creepy-looking.

bahahahah

Henry Cavill (fans self) posts on ONTD are definitely the best ever.

... as was one post that turned into a wayyyyy overshare about uhh that time of the month

soooo...

did BB-Ref change ERA+ back? Because Mo was always at 202, then they changed it and he was 151 for a bit, and now he's back to 202. A couple of his individual years seemed to change though (I remember him being at 239 ERA+ for 2009, now he's at 244). Voteva.

Sandy Koufax was just silly

postseason numbers:
57 IP, 0.95 ERA, 36 H, 61 K, 11 BB (5.55 K/BB), 0.825 WHIP
I know that's a small sample size but holy crap.

Oh and somehow he was 4-3 with these stats.

you know what I really want right now?

Chicken dumplings yesss mmm

finally done with the ANTM posts (for now) woooo

So... these photos, unlike the other two photoshoots, were mostly really really bad. But I'm gonna rank 'em anyway.

1. Angelea: It's not great, but it's the best of the week by default. She looks really tall and elegant, even if she doesn't look like she's dancing, and one of her arms looks like it's growing out of her neck. And I love her face, plus how she's really pulling off all the dumb accessories she has here.
2. Alasia: I hate the photoshopping here. They should have just had her on the ground; it would have looked much better. That said, it's a pretty good picture. I love the dreamy aspect of it, and I think she's pulling that off really well. I love how statuesque it is, and yet there's a lot of action to the photo as well. I'm not crazy about her face because the eyes are super weird and totally dead, but these photos were all so bad that it's still one of the better ones.
3. Simone: Fierce stunning flawless diva etc. The judges got on her case for not being "committed" or something but I don't really agree; she looks fine here. It's not spectacular or anything, but it's better than the rest of these crappy photos. I think there's a lot of "oomph" in her face, actually, and that convinces me. My biggest problem is that she almost looks kinda short here.
4. Raina: Body is absolutely sick here, and I think she makes this photo pretty modelesque, as well as pulling off her genre, which was kind of strange. Oh, and I want her legs. They're pretty sick. But her face... yikes. It's just not that flattering for me. I think it's the expression, as well as her mouth. Also WTF do her shoes have fringe?
5. Alexandra: I'm not crazy about the photography in this picture, but that's not her fault. This is pretty good. I love how tall she looks and that one leg that's in the air. It's just kinda... meh. Her face looks very hesitant and she really does seem to sort of suffer from Whitneymouth, plus there's so much tension in her upper body and arms.
6. Jessica: She really needed a much more lively face for this, and the way that dress rides on her chest is really annoying, but it's not bad. She looks gorgeous and, above all, she looks incredibly modelesque. I love how tall and thin she looks. She really looks like a model, but I don't think she expresses her given dance very well at all.
7. Anslee: It's not AWFUL, but it's so incredibly stiff. It's not model-y, it's just awkward. Don't really have much else to say about this, oh well. Her face looks pretty but again, it looks like she's clenching her jaw.
8. Krista: I love her body here. I think she's portraying her genre really well, and she looks very tall and thin. So why is she so low? OH MY GOD HER FACE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH IT AAAGH. Seriously, look at it. The expression, the angle, it's unbelievably horrible. Wow. But she portrays ballet quite well, though, let's face it, it was probably one of the easier genres to portray.
9. Tatianna: She looks tall and skinny and her legs rule, but this just isn't a very good photo. The pose is soooo awkward and, well, posey. And OH MY GOD HER FACE! I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING BAHAHAHAHHA. Also, it looks like her hand is growing out of her head, kinda. I can't figure Tatianna out. Her photos are generally either awesome or terrible, and she gets like five seconds of screentime an episode.
10. Brenda: Well... uh... she looks tall... and that's about it. I'm sorry, she's just so incredibly awkward here. Her pose just looks like a statue. I don't really see the dance there. And her face is just... I don't get it. Her eyes look absolutely terrible and the expression on her face is all messed up. I hate her mouth, too.
11. Ren: I just... well, much like Tatianna's photo, I laughed for DAYS. Wow. WTF is this? She looks really tall but her proportions look very weird (long torso, short legs). I know disco was a weird theme, but she just looks so incredibly awkward here. She doesn't look committed enough in her face, which could have made her silly pose look a lot better. I just don't like it much at all. She really fell off a cliff after her spectacular first photo.

I love my Kindle. eom.

HMMMMM

so the game gets cancelled when we're beating the Tigers 8-0 in the fourth??? IT'S A CONSPIRACY TO MAKE OUR GRAPEFRUIT LEAGUE RECORD LOOK WORSE!!!!!

(I am kidding.)

ONE WEEK!!!!

And I'll be having a hernia or something. CAN'T WAIT!!!!

oh holy crap

It's "only" 12:30???

the next batch of ANTM pictures...

These were weird beauty shots with "perfume" that was really paint. Still, I gotta give ANTM props, they do a beauty shoot nearly every cycle and they've managed to come up with original ideas. Yay.

1. Raina: I gasped a little when I saw this photo. She looks like a real model. It is fan-freaking-tastic. I contemplated putting her second, but for this photo's incredible impact, I rank her first. Maybe she could be doing a little bit more, I suppose, but when you've got that face, do you really need to do more?
2. Anslee: Why hello fierce bitch. I loooove her approach to this photo. I thought she did something quite original which could have been weird, but she totally pulled it off. And that BONE STRUCTURE zomg. To die. She looks like a mannequin here, in a good way, and she's really showing off the "perfume." Fantastic. I don't love how it looks like her hand is on her boob but it's a maaaahvelous picture besides that. I just like Raina's a tad more.
3. Tatianna: I feel like she gets about five seconds of screentime a week, so I don't really know what to think of her, but I love this picture. It's not as crazy outstanding as the first two, but it's a great photo. It looks a little bit like she is genuinely cold and not like she's modeling, but that's really my only nitpick. It's a gorgeous, sensual photo and I looooove the expression on her face. Whether it was intentional or not, this photo looks exactly like a perfume ad. I love the passion in her eyes, too. And you know what? She makes the beaver teeth work! It is a miracle!
4. Simone: I'll get the negative out of the way first; I'm not crazy about the way she's all scrunched up. It looks a bit uncomfortable, and this photo isn't as OUTSTANDING as the three above it. That said, it's a wonderful picture. That's a great angle on her face, and I love her expression. I think it works really well as both an ad and a modeling photo. GO STUNNING GODDESS!!!!
5. Alexandra: It's not reinventing the wheel, but it's a very pretty picture of a very pretty girl. I wish she hadn't tilted her head up like that because it's a little like looking up her nose, but it's still a pretty flattering angle on her. I see genuine emotion in her eyes. It's not outstanding, but it's nice.
6. Jessica: Small step down. This is an okay shot. I loooove the energy in her pose, but I wish it had carried over to her face. It's almost too serene, if that makes sense, and that's just not a great angle on her, to be honest. Something is a little weird in her eyes, as well. But I love her originality and it's still a pretty good picture.
7. Krista: I go back and forth between liking this quite a bit and not really liking it. Sometimes I see her trying to get a lot of emotion out of her eyes and expression in general, and sometimes I think she's basically just sitting there going "meh." Also, the makeup they put on her makes her look a little old. Still, I'm totally obsessed with her skin and her bone structure, and she's showing them off perfectly. So yay, to some extent.
8. Angelea: Ugh, this would have been so much better if they just photoshopped out the GIANT piece of hair that's over her nose! Anyway, yeah. I think she's trying a bit too hard here and at the same time her eyes scream "tiiiiired" to me, which I don't really like. But it's a nice photo. She looks very soft, and I actually like the clasped hands. I know there haven't been very many photoshoots yet but she has a lot more range in photos than I thought she would; I basically thought she was going to look like a drag queen in every photo, heh.
9. Naduah: Pretty serious step down... the previous eight are awesome to at least pretty good and these are just not. I believe the judges said she looked like a blow-up doll in this photo and you know what, they were totally right. It's a pretty picture, but the face has no emotion in it at all and the open mouth leads to it looking like, well, a blow-up doll. It's not a great angle, either. The hands are awkward and claw-like. I just don't like it very much.
10. Alasia: Uhhhh... I dunno. She's just sort of staring at the camera without any real expression or emotion. She's not selling me much of anything. At the same time, she looks really bad - her face almost looks like a drag queen's for whatever reason - and kind of pissed off. It also looks like there's drool coming off her chin. I don't like this photo much at all.
11. Brenda: Ugh the bottom two pictures this week are soooo uncomfortable. This is just totally awkward. Like, her face and eyes and expression all look completely wonky. The beaver teeth? The armpits? This is like the way to get me not to like a picture. It's not selling me anything and it's a terrible beauty shot. But! Someone was even worse!
12. Ren: I LOOOOOVED her first picture. I HAAAAATE this picture. She looks so hesitant, like she's super uncomfortable and doesn't have the slightest clue what she's doing. And HER EYES ARE CROSSED!!!!! It's awful. Sorry Ren, I thought you were gonna be a fierce bitch goddess but you're just not good at any of this stuff.

Socks.

I have so many of them.

However, probably not quite as many as useless 2 AM posts on this thing. Wheeeee

YES Network seeks to torture me

Okay, so I found this clip of Teixeira from last year's Spring Training doing hitting drills that unfortunately I cannot link to. And at one point he's alllll sweaty and he like, whispers, "That's it right there."

O_O (falls over dead)

ETA: Oh Jesus later on in the clip Tex and Andy are talking to each other in like hushed tones about who will cover first base in certain situations and Andy is like "I love it. I love it so much." Holy fuck. I want to touch them soooo bad. Why is my boyfriend not here?!?

(if you want to see this clip you can go to the clip of Andy at the last night at Yankee Stadium and look under the stuff on "Yankees on Deck" on the side. It's the one about Teixeira. Dlajgljslgjasdf. Hot.)

so I just came back from being out

I may as well rank the ANTM photos of the last few weeks, right? I'll start with the first photoshoot, obviously.

Nude with accessories:
1. Jessica: Let me say that almost all of these photos are wonderful. Some of them are among the best photos ever done on this show, including this one. She looks absolutely stunning; she's bringing a lot of interesting angles to this photo, but she doesn't look weird and awkward. She looks confident and she's selling the accessory really well. Just... everything about it is so awesome. This is probably one of my top twenty photos or so ever taken on this show. It rules.
2. Brenda: Ugh, I love this. I really think that it looks like it came straight out of a magazine, even if I never liked the "ZOMG straight outta Vogue!!!!" critique of a picture. Everything about it is pretty much perfect, so I don't really have anything to say. I just think Jessica's has a little more life to it, so I like it more. This photo is slightly more... unapproachable? I guess that's the word. It's still a fabulous photo, though.
3. Ren: Before Ren got megaskank, I looooved her for this photo. I don't like all the space above her, but that's the photographer's fault. It's just... it's really wonderful. Her body looks elegant, I love her posing, and I loooove her face here. I don't really know how to describe her expression, but it's perfect. She's even using her hands well, when they could potentially be a lot more awkward. I really like this.
4. Ainslee: There are too many girls this cycle whose names start with "A," please start kicking some of them off soon. Anyway, this photo rocks. It really is an ad. Her pose, the expression on her face, and the way she's holding that bag very casually yet still selling it... I love it all. It turns out that her face photographs really well. My only issue with it is that due to the way she's holding them, the length of her legs looks uneven, and that's a nitpick. It's still a great photo.
5. Raina: Oh hey, boob flowers. Because of the way it's photographed this photo is a tad more "meh" than the four above it, but it's still a glorious photo. I think the judges said she's like a courtesan here and I totally agree. Her face looks stunning; she looks like a real supermodel. Additionally, she is super elegant, and she's subtly selling her accessory. I love it.
6. Simone: As I said like 30 times while watching this week's episode, HELLO FLAWLESS GODDESS. I love her so much more than everyone else. She really looks amazing here. Super tall, awesome skin, she's doing a fantastic job showing off the accessory off. I get a Rihanna vibe and that is never a bad thing. The only reason it's not ranked higher is because her hands are a little awkward. It almost kinda looks like she's... uh... touching herself until you realize the hand's on her thigh. But it's an awesome photo.
7. Alexandra: Slight gap between the first six and Alexandra's photo. Oh nos, not Whitney mouth!!!! I like how ferocious, for lack of a better word, she looks in this photo. It's both appealing in modeling terms and selling the accessory. The only reason it's so low is that I think a lot of it might be the styling/the wind in the hair rather than anything really original that she did. When it's a week this strong, really good pictures like this get knocked down quite a bit. Oh, and the hands are kinda weird, especially the one on her boob.
8. Tatianna: It absolutely screams model. Totally. It looks like a Tom Ford ad for realz. There's really only one reason this photo is so low, and it's the whole spread legs thing. Sorry, it's distracting! Also, the expression on her face is a little "I have a case of the crankies!" But this is a fantastic photo. She looks so tall and modelesque and awesome. Yeah. I'm just rambling at this point (I did this in alphabetical order and she's last, so I'm writing this last). Don't mind me.
9. Krista: Minor step down. These are the non-amazing photos of this week. She looks sooooo tall and modelesque in this photo, and her skin is absolutely to die for and I would like to steal it right now along with her legs, but the look on her face is super meh. I don't like that very much; it looks like she's not trying at all. But it's still a good picture. She's selling the ... I don't even know what that accessory is, but she's selling it. She just needed a better expression.
10. Angelea: Really, all the amazing photos this week and this gets called #2? It's not bad, it's just not nearly as good as a lot of other photos. She's showing off the shoes and her pose is interesting, but it's also super awkward and way too posey. She has a face that photographs really nicely, much to my surprise (that sounds mean), but her expression is a little sleepy and "duh"? Like I said, it's a great picture, but it didn't deserve the high call-out it got.
11. Gabrielle: I want those leggings bad. But this photo is kinda meh. I love her face so I probably would have kept her another week, but I can see why the judges let her go. She looks totally bewildered and all hunched up like she doesn't know what to do, and not in a cool fashion way, but in a way where she genuinely does not know what she's doing. Combined with the partial nudity, it's almost a little uncomfortable. But, it's not a bad shot or anything like that.
12. Alasia: This photo isn't bad, but it makes me kinda laugh and go "huhhhh?" I mean, her arm looks like it's dropping out of her butt. Lulz. But again, it's not a bad picture. She has such lovely skin and I like that "oops, you caught me!" expression on her face, even if it probably wasn't intentional. That vest should probably be on the right way, though...
13. Naduah: Just because I rated it as the "worst" photo of the week doesn't mean it's bad. All of these photos were good. That said, while she's selling the glasses really well, that's not a great angle or expression for her face. And the thing that bothers me most of all is the pose, basically because it's like "hey here's my vag." So... eek. But it's still not a bad picture. Just a sort of uncomfortably posed one.

I love Pink, but...

the lyric "Your pain is painful" is, well, kinda painful.

soooo tired

want to take a nap but that just means I won't be able to go to sleep tonight which means....... it's an endless vicious cycle really

I wish I was a Yankee beat writer

1. I GET TO FOLLOW THE YANKEES THAT IS AWESOME
2. playing paintball with Cashman and Girardi? Ummm that is the most amazing thing ever

is he CRYING? (or close to it)

I legit cannot handle it if so

mmmm orange juice

Yesssss.

ahmahgahd

If you think the Yankees could have traded Joba Chamberlain straight-up for Roy Halladay last summer, congratulations, you're really clueless.

Also, the Joba thread at NYYFans.com is perhaps the worst place in the world. "Joba sucks and he's done and the organization killed him but he should be the fifth starter the Yankees are the worst and stupidest organization ever!!!!!!"

let me just take a moment to say...

how much I luuuurve the nickname "the J-Hey kid" for Jason Heyward.

Also, with the news that Heyward has made the team, Melky is now the team's fourth outfielder. The Braves traded their ace for a fourth outfielder and a prospect that has a good amount of upside but is three years at least away from the majors. Heh.

pervs

Holy crap they're making a Zoolander 2???

be my best friend Andre Leon Talley

A lot of me totally loves that the hot mess that is ANTM has one of the most influential people in the entire world of fashion on its panel.

don't cry, Simone!!!

I love you stunning flawless diva!!!

omg...

whose idea was it to give Ren disco??? That was a fantastic idea and I give you much credit.

O_O

these photos (the dance genre ones) on ANTM are really quite horrifyingly bad, pretty much all of them.

wow...

Project Runway has been going on? How did I not know that? Damn you, boring-ass last season that totally took away all my interest in the show!!!

arrrgh

I really think some people want AJ and Hughes to be on the DL all season and Andy to like die and the Yankees to suck so they can be all "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" even though there's no way the people they're "telling" will be able to hear what they're saying.

Way to be great Yankee fans, guys!!!

uhh Jessica? (ANTM Jessica, I mean)

Did you really just call someone "pageanty"? Because, like, you're pretty awesome and all but you shouldn't talk.

dear Simone on Cycle 14 of ANTM,

You are stunning and flawless and you take awesome pictures and I generally wish I could be you.

Love,
me

wow

I am watching last night's ANTM (I can literally feel my stress levels decreasing, which is nice) and Ren actually looks very pretty in person when she's sitting on her bed wearing bright red lipstick and sort of laughing with the other girls. Wow.

*_* part like the millionth

"I'm not exaggerating," Obama told the crowd, "leaders of the Republican party,
they called the passage of this bill 'Armageddon!' Armageddon. End of freedom as
we know it. So after I signed the bill, I looked around to see if there were any
asteroids falling, or some cracks opening up in the Earth. Turned out it was a
nice day."

So with everything else in my life being kind of crappy right now at least my Barry O. is not disappointing me.

oh, and I'm FINALLY eating lunch

seriously. Aaagh. Today.

oh Albert Pujols

You are so handsome and intelligent please speak beautiful Spanish to me and make me forget about dumb overreactions by Yankee fans and bad decisions by the FO.

dear the people who live upstairs

You walk around too heavily. Stop it.

No love,
Me

you might be overreacting if

you say the Yankees are "doomed" because they chose Hughes.

Look, I wanted Joba too. This makes me doubt if the FO can develop SP at all or if they're just kind of throwing up their hands and giving up here (please put him in Scranton?). But they are not fucking "doomed" OMG. Hughes is not Sergio Mitre.

VH1 only has crap nowadays.

Annoying. Not even like Rock of Love crap but boring and depressing crap that no one wants to watch.

oh noooo

on BB-Ref, they changed the way they calculate ERA+ so any and all old posts in which I reference ERA+ are now probably wrong grrr.

how many hours have I spent watching Sex and the City?

Between watching every episode like five times, and having seen the 2+ hour movie at least ten times... yeesh that's probably way too much of my life.

well that felt good.

I feel like I just took a really hot shower or threw a plate against the wall or had really awesome loud sex or something.

this is what I'm talking about that pissed me off all day

here. Well not this exactly, but the general sentiment.

I want Joba in the rotation too. I think it's silly not to put him there and points to the organization not really knowing what to do with these kids if they do put him there for 2010. But honestly, get over it, sweetie. It's this kind of shit that was making me outright depressed thinking of the idea of Hughes in the rotation for 2010. Thanks, places like this (as well as River Ave Blues, a generally terrific site that basically posted a "woe is us, we are doomed if Joba doesn't get the fifth spot" article today).

"Dark age," "dystopia"?!?! You sound like one of those Yankee fans who complain about how 2001-2008 (sometimes 2002-2008) were total failures and this person, as far as I can tell from her tumblr, would be embarrassed to be counted among that group. They averaged like 97 wins a year in that period. There were issues, but seriously, a fucking dark age? "Deep spiritual journey"? Get over your goddamn self.

Also? Sometimes pitching prospects, yes really hyped pitching prospects, just don't work out. I do think Joba and Hughes should be given every opportunity to succeed and bouncing Joba and Hughes around in the bullpen and rotation isn't going to do that, but believe it or not, our prospects aren't necessarily going to turn out better and/or dominate just because they're magical Yankee prospects and we really really really really want them to. Oh, and neither are the Rays' prospects.

Cry fuckin' more. I shouldn't read this before going to bed because it'll just piss me off and make me think that Hughes in the rotation is the end of the woooooorld ohhh nooooo

I wish I was smarter and more interesting.

pretty much.

I need more seltzer and less stiff neck.

Also I totally forgot to watch ANTM tonight FML. I'll try and watch it on YouTube or something whenever it pops up because it always does.

and seriously, the weather!

WTF you were supposed to stay all nice and warm and sunny :(

okay I'm going to go calm down and have some tea now

(sobs because the Yankees' FO doesn't think my opinion is important)

this is my impression of the Joba/Hughes fifth starter debate

WAAAAAAAAHHHH

MENTALITY

WAAAHHHHH THE YANKEES DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING

BULL IN A CHINA SHOP


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

omg guys

the Phillies are the only team that ever lost a World Series (/Kruk'd) omg I feel so bad for them

easily amused

this commercial for Snickers with Aretha Franklin cracks me up.

a note to everyone dumb:

It's PRIMADONNA. Not PRE-MADONNA.

hmm. interesting.

This list.

I have seen 81 of those, by my count... and no, I'm not particularly ashamed of not seeing Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. I should get on Avatar, though. Heh.

on the Yankees and LF

So I've heard a lot of panic because our LF bunch will probably be some combination of Brett Gardner and Randy Winn, and these guys are not world-beaters. However, it's hard to get all nail-gnawingly-nervous when you consider the offense that will likely come from other places on the team, and the solid pitching we will have. Even if they're not great, which I don't expect them to be, great teams with below-average players offensively are not exactly rare...

AL CHAMPIONS
2000 Yankees:
Shane Spencer 99 OPS+
Paul O'Neill 92 OPS+
Chuck Knoblauch 92 OPS+
Ricky Ledee 90 OPS+
Tino Martinez 89 OPS+
Scott Brosius 70 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 103

2001 Yankees:
David Justice 98 OPS+
Alfonso Soriano 90 OPS+
Chuck Knoblauch 82 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 100

2002 Angels:
Darin Erstad 86 OPS+
Bengie Molina 58 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 105

2003 Yankees:
Robin Ventura 96 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 114*

BESTTEAMEVAHOMGZSUPERCHAMPIONS 2004 Red Sox:
Gabe Kapler 77 OPS+
Pokey Reese 45 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 110

2005 White Sox:
they only had three regulars with an OPS+ over 100... the other guys were 96, 94, 93, 90, 86, 85.
overall team OPS+ 95
(in case you were wondering, overall team ERA+: 124)

2006 Tigers:
like the White Sox, they only had four regulars with an OPS+ over 100... the other guys were 99, two 98s, 97, 80
overall team OPS+ 99

2007 Red Sox:
Coco Crisp 83 OPS+
Julio Lugo 65 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 107

2008 Rays:
Akinori Iwamura 93 OPS+
Carl Crawford 89 OPS+
Jason Bartlett 83 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 101

2009 Yankees:
Melky Cabrera 99 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 122 (drools)

NL CHAMPIONS
(keep in mind, these guys also had the pitchers in their lineup)

2000 Mets:
Derek Bell 98 OPS+
Jay Payton 98 OPS+
Robin Ventura 98 OPS+
Mike Bordick 76 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 98

2001 Diamondbacks:
Matt Williams 92 OPS+**
Steve Finley 91 OPS+
Damian Miller 89 OPS+
Jay Bell 88 OPS+
Tony Womack 64 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 94

2002 Giants:
Rich Aurilia 92 OPS+
JT Snow 90 OPS+
Tsuyoshi Shinjo 78 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 110***

2003 Marlins:
Juan Encarnacion 97 OPS+
Alex Gonzalez 96 OPS+
Juan Pierre 94 OPS+
Todd Hollandsworth 93 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 97

2004 Cardinals:
Ray Lankford 99 OPS+
Tony Womack 91 OPS+
Edgar Renteria 88 OPS+
Mike Matheny 65 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 106****

2005 Astros:
Brad Ausmus 80 OPS+
Chris Burke 76 OPS+
Willy Taveras 75 OPS+
Adam Everett 70 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 90
(in case you were wondering, overall team ERA+: 120)

2006 Cardinals:
Juan Encarnacion 93 OPS+
David Eckstein 81 OPS+
So Taguchi 78 OPS+
Aaron Miles 74 OPS+
Yadier Molina 53 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 97

2007 Rockies:
Willy Taveras 89 OPS+
Kazuo Matsui 87 OPS+
Yorvit Torrealba 76 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 98

2008 Phillies:
Pedro Feliz 81 OPS+
Carlos Ruiz 63 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 98

2009 Phillies:
Jimmy Rollins 86 OPS+
Pedro Feliz 81 OPS+
overall team OPS+ 103

* FUCK YOU MARLINS
** How the mighty have fallen.
*** I dare suggest this was rather heavily weighed by Mr. Barrold Bonds and his 268 OPS+
**** probably on the strength of Pujols (172 OPS+), Edmonds (170 OPS+), and Rolen (157 OPS+)

Heck, the 1998 Yankees had Chad Curtis and his 90 OPS+ manning LF. The 2001 Mariners had four guys that were below-average offensively. I get the feeling the 2010 Yankees will be juuust fine.

it's pouring out.

IS THIS THE SOCIALISM????

Later tonight: why you should not worry about the Yankees' LF.

omg...

watching Repubs implode on Twitter over HCR is hilarious

So are we officially socialist yet? Should I go line up to have my mandatory abortion???

waaaaah

It's entirely too hot out. Yes, I am complaining about this.

(falls over)

YES has Andy Pettitte talking about helping children with disabilities. THAT'S BASICALLY LIKE PORN FOR US LADIES.

Isla Fisher

is so effin' adorable. Not Amy Adams adorable but adorable.

and speaking of that...

Modern Yankee Heroes: Andy Pettitte.

Andy talking about his wife always makes me =/ though it's nice to see he's so devoted. (also, Jesus.)

wtffff

A.J. Burnett will start on Sunday, with Phil Hughes pitching in relief. Joba Chamberlain will start on Monday, with Andy Pettitte pitching in a minor league game.

I'm never gonna see my boyfriend pitch this spring ;_;

i am so ridiculously tired

agh why

# of times I have wished I was Lady Gaga today

5028509846.

ugh

today is not a great day =/

if these playoff predictions/projections came true...

I would die of teh happy. And there would be huge ratings to boot!

oh my God

a booth of Bob Lorenz and John Flaherty could not possibly be more boring

Politics are depressing.

eom

Bejeweled = my true love.

Sorry, Andy.

I really forgot how good...

Sex and the City is (the TV show). Remind me to watch it like every other month or so.

thoughts on tonight's ANTM

- what Alexandra did on that runway I would have done, like, in sneakers. Yeesh.
- I LOOOOVED the first photoshoot. LOOOOVED. Even the worst photos from it were still pretty fabulous. That second photoshoot was like hella awkward, though.
- I'm shocked Naduah went home. She's usually the kind of girl they give a million chances to. She was super annoying and cocky, though, so it's not a bad thing.
- that fight between Ren and Alasia was terribly edited. WTF???
- aaaagh Ren is so stupid I want to punch her (and Alasia too, don't get me wrong)

DEAD. DEAD, OF THE CUTE.

things that suck

1. getting woken up at 7:30 AM by construction RIGHT OUTSIDE my apartment window
2. not being able to see the first Andy Day of 2010 ;_;

this rules

the films of the 2000s from Paul Proulx on Vimeo.

See, this is still kind of a movie blog!!!!

(I love that the default image you see before playing this movie is Lost in Translation. Yaaayyy)

because you really care

I have seven hoodies and five sweatshirts. That seems excessive.

soooo...

it seems like everything else came on in my apartment but not the heat. Yayyyyy (freezes to death)

wtf is wrong with my hair

It's like all crinkly and weird =/

Pitchers will break your heart.

I don't really follow prospects, I must say, mostly on purpose. I know who the Yankees' top prospects are, but they are so volatile that I'm unwilling to follow them with any sort of relish, knowing they could either severely disappoint and/or get traded. This is incredibly true for pitchers. I found this list and looked at the first year Derek Jeter was listed. It's 1993; he's #44. Just for sorta-fun, I decided to look at what happened to the pitchers listed above him...

PITCHERS
2. Brien Taylor (LHP, Yankees)
I don't want to taaaalk about it *cries*
Good lord, can you imagine if he'd lived up to his potential/hype? In 1999 the Yankees' rotation probably would have been:
Clemens
Taylor
Cone
El Duque
Pettitte
I believe they call that... VIDEOGAME'D.

7. Todd Van Poppel (RHP, Athletics)
11 seasons (907 IP), 80 ERA+

8. Jason Bere (RHP, White Sox)
11 seasons (1111 IP), 86 ERA+

9. Allen Watson (LHP, Cardinals)
8 seasons (892 IP), 86 ERA+

10. Tyrone Hill (LHP, Brewers)
I can't find any BB-Ref info on him. Do they mean... like... the basketball player??

11. Kurt Miller (RHP, Rangers)
5 seasons (80.2 IP), 56 ERA+

17. Tavo Alvarez (RHP, Expos)
2 seasons (58.1 IP), 80 ERA+

18. Brad Pennington (LHP, Orioles)
5 seasons (75.2 IP), 66 ERA+

23. David Nied (RHP, Rockies)
5 seasons (241.2 IP), 95 ERA+

25. Frank Rodriguez (RHP, Red Sox)
7 seasons (654 IP), 88 ERA+

28. Bobby Jones (RHP, Mets)
10 seasons (1518.2 IP), 94 ERA+

29. Troy Percival (RHP, Angels)
14 seasons (708.2 IP), 146 ERA+

31. Tyler Green (RHP, Phillies)
4 seasons (384 IP), 83 ERA+

32. Jim Pittsley (RHP, Royals)
4 seasons, 225.2 IP, 78 ERA+

36. John Roper (RHP, Reds)
3 seasons, 180 IP, 77 ERA+

41. Jessie Hollins (RHP, Cubs)
4.2 ML IP, 13.50 ERA

42. Todd Jones (RHP, Astros)
16 seasons (1072 IP), 111 ERA+

So really, a lot of these guys had downright awful careers. Don't get me wrong, some of the position players went nowhere either, but those listed above Jeter include Chipper Jones, Carlos Delgado, Tim Salmon, Manny Ramirez, Javy Lopez, Johnny Damon, and Mike Piazza. So that's three guys that should be HOF locks (Chipper, Manny, Piazza... not to mention Jeter himself), a couple of guys that are borderline, and some guys that had really solid careers.

I think the scouting and other info maybe got better, because if you look since, say, 2000, they've had waaaay fewer total busts in terms of pitching, when you look at the top 25. Beckett, Burnett, Sabathia, Sheets, Oswalt, Wainwright, Kazmir, Prior, Cain, King Felix, Verlander, Billingsley, Lincecum, Gallardo, Dice-K, Garza, Lester, Kershaw, all listed as top 25 pitchers at one point or another (there are still a good number of busts there too and yeesh how overhyped was Dice-K when he first came here). Still, I would not put my faith in pitching prospects. Just saying.

I survived a blackout!!!

For like three hours. THREE HOURS WITH NO COMPUTER!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!! (I'm such a weirdo.)

oh, I saw Precious

Meh........ Mo'Nique was FANTASTIC though.

dork alert!

Derek Jeter's CAREER BABIP: .360!
By year since 1996: .361, .345, .375, .396, .386, .343, .336, .379, .315, .351, .391, .367, .333, .368

That's even better than Ichiro who I thought would be the king of this kind of thing, yeesh. The annoying thing about people waxing rhapsodic about Jeter's intangibles is that it takes away from how very, very good he is in a totally tangible way. Career 131 wRC+ from a shortstop, yes please.

oh, Posada

You do not enjoy (or as you say, "enyoy," that is adorable) Cervelli. You are terrified by him taking over. And I love that.

Posada <333

yaaayyyy

I found some intelligent Twitter person basically smacking down that one super condescending guy that went on about how Andy is teh suck now. Seriously, dude, I can look on Fangraphs too. His FIP went up, but he went from terribly underperforming his FIP in 2008 to pretty much hitting it in 2009 (as opposed to AJ Burnett, who very much overperformed his FIP in 2009). His BABIP... Andy tends to have a really high BABIP (it was .339 in 2008, .315 for his career), but it was actually pretty low last year, though not unsustainably so (.302). People swung at his pitches slightly less and made slightly better contact, but again: slightly. It's not OMG PANIC!!!!, really. The HRs were a little eeeek for a while there, but maybe he just learned how to pitch in YS better. And I wouldn't say it's a clear pattern, seeing how ridiculously good he was in the second half of the season.

so sue me

I love Kendra. I really want her and her husband to make it. The Kardashians, not so much.

fyi

I am sitting here drinking water and I just spit it all over my screen because I was reading some blog post where someone called the Angels the LAALLLOOAAALOA. DYINGGGGG

YAYYYYY

Knocked Up is on. Haven't seen this in so long.

Game 4 of the 1998 World Series was on earlier, and I gotta say...

There was this part where Jeter and Pettitte were like... whispering in each other's ears. It made me really happy. In my pants. Yeah.

Lady Gaga's music

Seriously improves the quality of my life.

busyyyy

Might not post so much for a little bit.

some quick thoughts on tonight's ANTM

- Raina, in person, is....... not as good as that original picture was. Yikes. She doesn't look like a high fashion Analeigh as much as she looks like a dude Analeigh.
- Angelea is still Angelea and I love her for it. She also looks a lot prettier this cycle, for whatever reason.
- Naduah is really stunning in person; I was very wrong about her not being able to carry off that bald look.
- Ugh I can't believe Ren doesn't shave her armpits.
- Double ugh Perez Hilton. Though he was sort of cute and charming. (vomits everywhere)

I was SO MAD that we didn't get a photoshoot. Booo!!!

oh. Oh, God.

Why are you showing me Andy Pettitte stretching, YES? Why must you torture me so?

this is a really fantastic post

On the 2009 Yankees' infield and its historical comparisons

Ignore the 0185028609846 asides, though. I kind of badly want to take a giant red pen and just cross out parts and write "MAKE MORE CONCISE!!!" all over it. But, whatever, it's an awesome piece.

oh god America's Next Top Model

I missed you. I missed you so much.

new Yankee Magazine on YES

Andy is the main interview. :D

Jon Heyman is dumb, part... a lot

Here you go.

Again, just for reference's sake, from 2009:

Top 10 AL WAR
1. Ben Zobrist 8.6
2. Joe Mauer 8.1
3. Derek Jeter 7.4
4. Evan Longoria 7.2
5. Chone Figgins 6.1
6. Franklin Gutierrez 5.9
7. Kevin Youkilis 5.7
8. Carl Crawford, Miguel Cabrera 5.5
9. Mark Teixeira, Dustin Pedroia 5.2
10. Ichiro Suzuki 5.1
IMO, this list is a little screwy and shows WAR's limitations. It really overvalues defense. I just don't buy that Figgins and Gutierrez were more valuable than Youkilis and Teixiera. I don't think Pedroia and Tex were similarly valuable. I definitely don't think Zobrist was more valuable than Mauer. But it's not AWFUL.

Top 10 NL WAR
1. Albert Pujols 8.5
2. Chase Utley 7.6
3. Hanley Ramirez 7.2
4. Ryan Zimmerman 7.1
5. Prince Fielder 6.8
6. Adrian Gonzalez 6.4
7. Troy Tulowitzki 5.4
8. Derrek Lee 5.3
9. Pablo Sandoval 5.2
10. Matt Kemp 5.0

Top 10 AL VORP
1. Joe Mauer
2. Derek Jeter
3. Ben Zobrist
4. Jason Bartlett
5. Adam Lind
6. Miguel Cabrera
7. Evan Longoria
8. Mark Teixiera
9. Kevin Youkilis
10. Shin-soo Choo

Top 10 NL VORP
1. Albert Pujols
2. Hanley Ramirez
3. Prince Fielder
4. Ryan Braun
5. Pablo Sandoval
6. Chase Utley
7. Troy Tulowitzki
8. Adrian Gonzalez
9. Ryan Zimmerman
10. Joey Votto

Without further ado...

Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer and Zack Greinke should be shoo-ins for the NL MVP, AL MVP and AL Cy Young awards, respectively.
Well at least he got that right.

Chris Carpenter gets the call here in a tight race for NL Cy Young, as he led that league in both winning percentage and ERA. Adam Wainwright and Tim Lincecum aren't terrible choices, either, but the goals, after all, are to win the greatest percentage of games and allow the fewest runs. That's Carpenter.
No. The goal is to be the best pitcher possible, which would generally lead to winning the greatest percentage of games and allowing the fewest runs, all other things being equal. You generally do that by striking out a lot of guys, not walking very many, and getting weak contact on the balls people do hit. This generally does not include yelling at your pathetic offense, "SCORE RUNS!!!" because pitchers have almost nothing to do with that.

Buuuut Carpenter wasn't a bad choice for the Cy Young. There wasn't a shoo-in like there was in the AL. I do like me some advanced stats, but I'm not one of those people that thinks ERA is a quaint stat from a bygone time. ERA is not perfect, but let's not pretend FIP is either.

Miguel Cabrera is omitted from my AL MVP ballot entirely because it's obvious he didn't care enough to give full effort. There is no excuse for a 6 a.m. bender when the pennant's on the line, never mind all the other shenanigans that went along with it.
He had a .942 OPS and a 142 OPS+. He was top ten in WAR and VORP. What he did toward the end of the season doesn't look good at all, and I actually do completely understand people not putting him on the ballot for that. But, and I know it's not sexy to say this, the games in April count the same as the games in late September. The Tigers had been in first place in the division since May 10. That's a pretty damn long stretch of dominance. You know who contributed to that dominance a whole hell of a lot? Their awesome 1B Miggy Cabrera.

Milwaukee's Prince Fielder had a terrific statistical season (.299, 46 homers and 141 RBIs) and will likely make a vast majority of NL MVP ballots, but the "most valuable'' part of the equation is weighed heavily here, as I don't believe players on also-ran teams should win the award.
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Like what happened with Johan Santana last year, do you not realize how incredibly silly it is to penalize Fielder for something the other 24 guys on his team could or could not do? The Brewers' pitching staff had a collective 83 ERA+ in 2009. That's rancid. Their five main starters had the following ERA and IP totals:
Yovani Gallardo 3.73, 185.2 IP
Braden Looper 5.22, 194.2 IP
Jeff Suppan 5.29, 161.2 IP
Manny Parra 6.36, 140 IP
David Bush 6.38, 114.1 IP
AWFUL. In fact, it's kind of amazing they won any games at all, and were only two games under .500, with a pitching staff like that. You wanna know why they did? Because they had a pretty awesome, potent offense. Led by Prince Fielder and his line of .299/.412/.602/1.014, 168 OPS+.

I skipped stuff...

And remember, the postseason doesn't count.
I know that the postseason literally cannot count because the votes have to be in before the postseason. But the fact that the postseason doesn't count, but your team getting INTO the postseason is of UTTER IMPORTANCE, makes no sense.

1. Albert Pujols, Cardinals: Near-Triple Crown winner had it locked up by June.
Just... thank God he got this one right.

2. Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies: Spectacular talent could have won Comeback Player. Playoff failures don't count.
Tulo: ;_;
Also, Heyman's explanation for this is really bad. "He was really good, but he was really bad last year so he could have won Comeback Player. Also he failed in the playoffs."

3. Ryan Howard, Phillies: May actually be underrated.
No he is not. He's only been playing full-time since 2005, but he has a Rookie of the Year award, a MVP award (undeserved, but not a terrible choice) and a second-place finish in another year when he probably shouldn't have even been in the top ten. I love Ryan Howard, but he is not underrated. Chase Utley is not underrated any more, but he needs more MVP votes than Howard. If you want to call him underrated, I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it.

4. Andre Ethier, Dodgers: Six walk-off hits led league.
Melky Cabrera had three walk-off hits in 2009. Derek Jeter had none. Therefore, Melky Cabrera is a better player than Derek Jeter. Why didn't you vote for Melky Cabrera on your MVP ballot, Jon?!!??!?!

5. Hanley Ramirez, Marlins: Big-time talent earned wrath of teammate Dan Uggla for not playing through pain.
Another AWFUL explanation. "He's really talented. He got into a fight with a teammate one time." WTF??

I skipped stuff.

10. Matt Holliday, Cardinals: As soon as he got to St. Louis, the Cards took off.
He played 63 games. Aaaaghhhhh. At least you didn't vote him #1 or #2 like you did with Manny and Sabathia in 2008, I guess.

NL LVP (Least Valuable Player)
Milton Bradley, Cubs: Alfonso Soriano (20 HRs, 55 RBIs, .241) and Geovany Soto (positive test for pot, .218 batting average) were dreadful, as well. But Bradley was asked to leave the team for the final two weeks. Tough to top that.
Don't get me wrong, none of those guys were great, and Bradley probably did God only knows what in the clubhouse. But Milton Bradley's OPS+ was 99. Soriano's, 84. Soto, 79. Their teammate Mike Fontenot had an OPS+ of 72. So, technically, he was even less valuable than they were. Juuuust saying.

AL MVP

1. Joe Mauer, Twins: Led league in slugging percentage, on-base percentage and batting average as catcher. Runaway winner with Twins a playoff team.
Right. And he would have been the runaway winner if the Twins were in last place if he still posted the stats he did.

2. Mark Teixeira, Yankees: Monster first year in New York, leading the league in home runs (tied with Carlos Pena) and RBIs while manning first base like a Gold Glover.
I love Mark Teixeira and the whining and bitching by Yankee fans over him coming in second in the MVP voting (they weren't saying he should have won; they were saying he should have placed behind Jeter. I agree with this, but they were really, really, REALLY complaining about it. Omg STFU.), but he is a 1B batting third on the New York Yankees, ahead of guys that got on base a lot in 2009, generally Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon.

3. Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox: Feisty, versatile player personifies team.
*sigh*

I skipped stuff.

5. Alex Rodriguez, Yankees: Yanks came together when he joined them after hip surgery.

6. Derek Jeter, Yankees: Improved in every way at 35. Just remarkable.
This makes no sense. A-Rod is an insane player. Mark Teixeira rules. But Derek Jeter is a shortstop. Elite offense at the SS position is much more valuable than the offense of a first baseman.

7. Bobby Abreu, Angels: Mike Scioscia called him their MVP. (Though if Torii Hunter played a full year, Scioscia noted it might have been him.)
WELL IF SCIOSCIA SAYS IT IT MUST BE TRUE

8. Victor Martinez, Red Sox: Versatile hitter was Boston's best player down the stretch. Jason Bay also worthy.
I am a big fan of V-Mart and he did very well with the Red Sox, posting a 133 OPS+. Jason Bay did even better, with a 134 OPS+. And HE WAS THERE THE WHOLE YEAR. Remember how Boston was awesome early on and everyone said ZOMG TEH YANKEES ARE DEAD RED SOX RUUL? That was mainly due to Jason Bay having an insane April/March and May. He was mediocre at best in June and July, but awesome in August and September/October. Jason Bay deserves MVP votes way more than V-Mart.

Skipped stuff.

10. Justin Verlander, Tigers: He's in here for teammate Miguel Cabrera, who would have been third if not for his costly weekend bender, which showed he didn't care.
So basically you didn't put Miggy to spite him but you just put Verlander for shits and giggles? Okay, Jon.

NL Cy Young

1. Carpenter, Cardinals: ERA and winning percentage titles normally a winning combo for this award.

2. Wainwright, Cardinals: The league's top winner is one tough guy.

3. Tim Lincecum, Giants: Tiny Tim a threat to throw a no-hitter every time out.

All of these explanations are so terrible. I'm skipping his choice for "worst" (shocker, it's Brad Lidge), but I'll note he's still using that awful "Cy Old" joke. I'll skip AL MVP, as it's dumb and, once again, if you listed the following guys on your MVP list:
9. Sabathia
10. Verlander

your Cy Young list should not be:
1. Greinke
2. Felix
3. Halladay
I mean, that's a much more acceptable Cy ballot than one with CC in first, but if you think CC was the most valuable pitcher, why isn't he #1 on your Cy ballot?

Skipping stuff, including NL rookie of the year.

AL Rookie of the Year

1. Porcello, Tigers: Became rare 20-year-old to win at least 14 games (Dwight Gooden was another) and pitched beautifully in the deciding game at the Metrodome.
OH SHIT does this mean Porcello is going to get addicted to coke and be pretty much done by like... age 25? (his no-hitter ruled though. The story about it in Birth of a Dynasty, a terrific book which I highly recommend, made me cry like a little bitch.)

Plus, whipped Youkilis.
This is the best sentence in this entire article. (stands and applauds)

Skipped #2...

3. Andrew Bailey, A's: Big-time numbers, but let's face it: He's a closer on a loser.
Holy SHIT.

True story: I have actually met (outside of some meet-and-greet things) two MLB players. Neither were Yankees. One was Andrew Bailey (the other was Rocco Baldelli, who's a sweetheart. Because nobody reads this blog, I can openly say that I'm pretty friendly with the guy. As in I can send him an e-mail right now if I wanted to.). I was at a party with him one time, because one of my best friends goes to Wagner and so did he, and I was visiting her and we went to a party where he was. He's a cool guy, at least from the two or so hours I was in his presence. So I guess he's my boy and I gotta defend him. (He is less so my boy than Rick Porcello, just for the Youkilis beatdown, though.)

Anyway, Jon Heyman says "Fuck you Andrew Bailey. You had an outright nasty year - 83.1 IP, 86.7% SV conversion, 238 ERA+, 9.8 K/9, 3.79 K/BB, 0.876 WHIP - but YOU FUCKING SUCK because YOU CLOSE FOR A LOSER. You clearly should have stalked Brian Cashman and forced him to draft you, then use you to close over Mariano Rivera. Then you'd be on a winner, you loser."

Also, Jon, you know how "loser" teams become non-loser teams? Getting really good players. Like Andrew Bailey.

From AL Manager of the Year:
2. Ron Gardenhire, Twins: Got the $60 million team to the playoffs.
I think Gardenhire's a pretty good manager but it was IN THE AL CENTRAL. They would have been third in the AL West (with the fourth-place team back by only one game) and third in the AL East (and I'm not counting what would probably happen if the unbalanced schedule was going on and the "tough teams" the Twins would have to face 18 times each would be the Yankees and Red Sox, and even the Rays, compared to the Tigers and the White Sox). They wouldn't have won any other division, and they would have been in second in only one other one (NL Central, which has six teams, a whopping two of which were over .500). Heck, they would have been FOURTH IN THE NL WEST (though the unbalanced schedule would probably help them there). I mean, you have to work with the division you're in, but let's not bend over backwards to drool over Gardenhire.

Oh, and from the notes at the end:
Scioscia has been a New York serial killer in the postseason, Mike Vaccaro points out in Monday's Post.
ZOMG he beat them two times. His teams are 6-3 against the Yankees (now they are 8-7). He is a ~serial killer~ I am so scared of him!!!! He made the Yankee pitching vomit in 2002 and forced those guys to crash into each other in the outfield in 2005!

ice cream + 2:30 AM

always a solid choice.

so going back to that really bad article...

Yeah. Here it is.

Just for the record, from 2008:

AL WAR top 10
1. Dustin Pedroia 6.7
2. Grady Sizemore 6.4
3. Nick Markakis 6.3
4. Alex Rodriguez 6.0
5. Joe Mauer 5.8
6. Alex Rios, Kevin Youkilis 5.6
7. Evan Longoria 5.3
8. BJ Upton, Brian Roberts 4.8
9. Milton Bradley 4.6
10. Carlos Quentin 4.5
(pitchers that could be included: Roy Halladay 7.4, Cliff Lee 7.2, Ervin Santana 5.8, AJ Burnett 5.5 [!!!!!!], Mike Mussina 5.3, John Danks 5.2, John Lester 5.1, Josh Beckett 5.0, Zack Greinke 4.9, Javier Vazquez 4.8, Mark Buerhle 4.5. Can someone tell me how Andy Pettitte was worth more WAR in 2008 than 2009? That just seems weird and is one of those things that makes me go o_O about WAR.)

AL VORP top 10
1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Dustin Pedroia
3. Grady Sizemore
4. Josh Hamilton
5. Milton Bradley
6. Joe Mauer
7. Aubrey Huff
8. Ian Kinsler
9. Kevin Youkilis
10. Carlos Quentin

NL WAR top 10
1. Albert Pujols 9.0
2. Chase Utley 8.1
3. Chipper Jones 7.7
4. David Wright 7.4
5. Hanley Ramirez 7.3
6. Lance Berkman 6.9
7. Carlos Beltran 6.7
8. Matt Holliday 6.3
9. Jose Reyes 5.9
10. Ryan Ludwick, Brian McCann 5.7
(pitchers that could be included: Tim Lincecum 7.5, Dan Haren 6.5, Brandon Webb 6.1)

NL VORP top 10
1. Albert Pujols
2. Hanley Ramirez
3. Chipper Jones
4. Lance Berkman
5. David Wright
6. Chase Utley
7. Jose Reyes
8. Matt Holliday
9. Carlos Beltran
10. Ryan Ludwick

These stats are not perfect, but they're the best we have. Oh, and just as a disclaimer, I don't think pitchers should win the MVP (especially relief pitchers). DEAL WITH IT, YO.

In the National League MVP vote, which should be fascinating, the question the voters will have to ask themselves is whether two players who came to the party late can qualify for that coveted seasonal honor.

That is, was a half season of CC Sabathia's dominance and heroics enough to carry him to this year's award? And was less than half a season plenty for that savant turned savior, Manny Ramirez?
No. And no. It wasn't even a half-season, dude. More like a third of a season.

My answer is an enthusiastic yes to both questions.
Wrong answer.

Both candidates are deserving. I don't care that they were late arrivers to the National League this season.
Well, um, you should.

Sabathia (11-2, 1.65 ERA in 17 starts for Milwaukee) and Ramirez (.396, 17 homers, 53 RBIs in 53 games with L.A.) easily made the biggest impacts.
No they didn't. They made the flashiest impacts because they came over late and made contending teams better. You know who made the biggest impacts? The guys who were awesome with their team for the entire year, even if they were on teams that didn't necessarily make the playoffs.

Ryan Howard still looks like the probable winner to me, as he had a big finish and bigger numbers (48 homers, 146 RBIs), which will sway a majority of voters. But just like Ramirez and Sabathia, Howard did almost all his real work over the final few months of the season.

Howard's season stats are larger. But the performances of Ramirez and Sabathia are more remarkable.
None of those guys deserve the MVP. Manny played in 53 games out of 162. CC, 17. Ryan Howard wasn't bad or anything, but he posted his career-low OPS and OPS+ (unless you're counting his 42 PA in 2004, which I am not) of .881 and 124. In today's game, for a 1B, those are generally not MVP numbers.

Also, "Howard did almost all his real work over the final few months of the season"? Sure, he had a .954 OPS in the second half, compared to a .832 OPS in the first. And he had an awesome 1.247 OPS in September/October. But his OPS in August was .791. Not too spectacular.

Johan Santana (16-7, league-leading 2.53 ERA) would be there right at the top of my MVP ballot, too, if not for the Mets' second straight last-minute failure. But thanks to the ineptitude of teammates, Santana's not going to win the MVP.
WHAT? Do you not realize how that doesn't make any sense, to penalize Johan for what the other 24 guys on the roster could or could not do? On the second-to-last day of the season, with the Mets facing elimination, Johan threw a complete game three-hit shutout. That's really fucking impressive. He had a 1.87 ERA in October and September. The Mets' "collapse" (not really, at least not to 2007 standards) was not, AT ALL, due to Johan.

I'm skipping some stuff here.

The AL races don't hold the same sort of allure. Cliff Lee wrapped up the Cy Young by August. As for MVP, no one really stands out among the candidates I keep hearing about.
Oh boo hoo for you, Heyman. It's only your job, for which you get paid a whole heck of a lot more money than I do, to look at these arguments and various stats and come up with a reasonable ballot. You did not. Therefore, I throw things at you from my mother's basement.

With that in mind, I'll take the only AL player who truly had a spectacular season for a contending team. I might be the only one perhaps making this call.
I don't have a very good feeling about this. Just please don't make him say "I'm voting for Derek Jeter" (keep in mind, this is 2008) because I hate it when people make me talk about Derek Jeter's deficiencies waaah.

But without even one truly special or MVP-worthy performance among starting pitchers or starting players on any of the contending AL clubs, I'll take K-Rod for MVP.
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN...

Here are my full theoretical ballots (since I left the newspaper game, they don't trust me with a real ballot anymore)...
There's a good goddamn reason for that.

NL MVP

1. Manny Ramirez, Dodgers. The savant saved the storied franchise, slugging .743 and lifting the Dodger dogs to the NL West title.
You know, if Arizona had a huge lead in the division when Manny arrived, and then the Dodgers went on a crazy hot streak that gave them the title, I could almost buy this argument. But even then, there would be other factors, not just Manny, I suspect. Also, "saved the storied franchise," WTF?

To be fair to Manny, his performance while wearing Dodger blue in 2008 - .396/.489/.743/1.232, 221 OPS+ - was completely goddamn insane. It was up there with some of Barry Bonds' most crazy years. However, Manny compiled that line in only 53 games. That's about a third of the games the Dodgers played. Arizona was 56-52 before Manny came to the NL West; the Dodgers were 54-54. It wasn't like Arizona was some megasuperuberpowerhouse and the Dodgers were... well... I was going to make some "fighting to crack .500" joke but then I realized that was actually the case, but you know what I mean. In the 53 games Manny played, the Dodgers gained a whole four games on the Diamondbacks to win the division by two games. Don't get me wrong: Manny certainly helped. But if the Dodger pitching pooped out like Dan Haren sort of did (2.62 ERA, .585 OPS against before Manny came to the NL West; 4.87 ERA, .827 OPS against after Manny came to the NL West. Oh and I checked in case you were suggesting those bad numbers were due to facing Manny like every game, he only faced the Manny Dodgers twice. One time Manny beat him up. The other time Manny didn't get a hit), they wouldn't have won that division.

2. CC Sabathia, Brewers. Carried them with three straight outings on three days' rest, and oh yes, had a league-leading seven complete games.
Again, I'm not trying to belittle what CC did for Milwaukee. He was awesome. He started 17 games and pitched 130.2 innings. That means he pitched an average of over seven and two-thirds innings per game. He had a 255 ERA+ in the NL and a ridiculous 5.12 K/BB ratio. He ruled. They probably would not have won the Wild Card without him. But they also probably would not have won the Wild Card without Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun and their 130 OPS+es that played in a whole hell of a lot more games than CC did. Ben Sheets had a 3.09 ERA and 31 starts. Again, I don't think pitchers deserve the MVP, but if I did, I'd think that Ben Sheets and his quiet excellence all year was probably worth more than CC's ridiculous awesomeness for a third of the season.

3. Ryan Howard, Phillies. Huge September (.352, 11 HRs) probably will get him the award.
Thank goodness it did not. He wasn't top ten in WAR, WARP, or even OPS. No way he deserves this. Other 1B were better choices than him. Other Phillies were better choices than him.

4. Brad Lidge, Phillies. Second perfect season for a closer ever. That's 41 for 41 in a park that was supposed to be tough on him.
He had a great season, but he also affected only 69.1 (69, hee hee!) innings. This guy is not one of the Phillies that was a better choice for MVP than Ryan Howard, by the way.

5. Albert Pujols, Cardinals. Kept the Cardinals in the hunt with .357 average despite a banged-up elbow.
Firs things first, batting average is one of the more useless stats. Ichiro hit .352 in 2009 and it was a whole hell of a lot different than Albert's .357 in 2008 (Ichiro walked 47 times including IBBs, and hit 46 XBH. Albert in 2008 walked 138 times in fewer PA and hit 81 XBH. But hey, they're both good contact hitters, so that's that!). Anyway, Pujols was the #1 with-a-bullet choice for MVP in 2008. There was really no other choice. A WAR of 9 is ridiculous and he led in every other advanced stat. He led the league in OPS and OPS+ by quite a bit. Thank God he actually won.

Skipping stuff.

9. Chase Utley, Phillies. Huge start still counts.
I just looked at Utley's splits for 2008, so I didn't realize the difference between his first half and second half (.955 OPS in the first, .855 OPS in the second), which was fairly stark. But still, the whole year counts, you know. He had a .915 OPS and a 135 OPS+, better numbers than Ryan Howard's, as a second baseman, while playing elite defense, on a team that was in a relatively tight division race. He was generally toward the top of most more advanced stats' lists of the best players in baseball and certainly in the NL. Again, Pujols was the only real choice for #1, but it's insane how underrated Utley has been in the MVP voting these past few years.

10. Lance Berkman, Astros. Houston was just a little too late to the party.
You suck, Lance Berkman. You - yes, you, personally - gave the team a situation where they had to use three catchers with these beautiful lines:
.218/.303/.296(!!!!)/.600 (Brad Ausmus)
.226/.270/.298/.567 (Humberto Quintero)
.137/.250/.253/.503 (JR Towles)
Yes, it is your fault that you gave these guys, respectively, 250, 183, and 161 PA. You also kept Michael Bourn and his .588 OPS in the lineup, too. And it's your fault that the starting pitching was either seriously injured (Wandy Rodriguez) or awful (everyone else) aside from Roy Oswalt. Like, seriously, why didn't you keep Roger Clemens on the crazy steroids he was on and force Andy Pettitte at gunpoint to repeat his year from 2005, and then re-sign both those guys? I repeat: YOU SUCK, LANCE BERKMAN.

NL LVP: Andruw Jones, Dodgers. He hit .158. What can you say? The worst ever. And at $18 million, no less. The anti-Manny.
I just wanted to repeat this so we can all goggle at Andruw's 2008 line:
.158/.256/.249/.505, 35 OPS+, 40 wRC+
That is SOME BAD. But according to Fangraphs, he was worth -0.9 WAR. Granted, this was probably helped by the fact that he was held to only 238 PA. But Jeff Francoeur was EVEN WORSE, at a robust -1.2 WAR.

AL MVP

1. Francisco Rodriguez, Angels. An alltime great season with a record 62 saves.
What. What. WHAT.

This was the entire thing that made me want to write this damn article, because it is so incredibly wrong. I don't think pitchers deserve the MVP. I really don't think relief pitchers deserve the MVP. But maybe you do. That's fine. I can understand that. It's the "alltime great season" that absolutely KILLS me here.
K-Rod, 2008: 62/69 SV (89.8%), 68.1 IP, 2.24 ERA, 198 ERA+, 10.1 K/9, 4.5 BB/9, 2.26 K/BB, 1.288 WHIP
Mariano Rivera, 2008: 39/40 SV (97.5%), 70.2 IP, 1.40 ERA, 317 ERA+, 9.8 K/9, 0.8 BB/9, 12.83 K/BB, 0.665 WHIP
Joakim Soria, 2008: 42/45 SV (93.3%), 67.1 IP, 1.60 ERA, 272 ERA+, 8.8 K/9, 2.5 BB/9, 3.47 K/BB, 0.861 WHIP
Joe Nathan, 2008: 39/45 SV (86.7%), 67.2 IP, 1.33 ERA, 314 ERA+, 9.8 K/9, 2.4 BB/9, 4.11 K/BB, 0.901 WHIP

So that's not only one, not only two, but three guys that had better seasons in 2008 alone than K-Rod. K-Rod had a pretty good year, don't get me wrong. But those guys were just... better.

K-Rod's 2008 was really, really not an "alltime great season." Look at Rollie Fingers' 1981 or Dennis Eckersley's 1990 (606 ERA+, 0.614 WHIP, 18.25 K/BB. Lol.). Heck, look at Mariano Rivera's 2008. K-Rod had a pretty damn good year, but it's not even close to an "alltime great" when you stop being a slave to the silly save stat.

I skipped stuff.

3. Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox. The "jockey'' may actually win it with a scrappy attitude and solid stats (118 runs, 54 doubles).
Pedroia was a solid choice for MVP. My fellow Yankee fans like to mock this choice, but it really wasn't bad at all. I probably would have given it to Grady Sizemore, but let's not pretend it was Colon getting the Cy Young in 2005. In a year when there was no real obvious winner in the AL, they gave it to a really good player at a premium position on a playoff team. He led the AL in WAR, though it wasn't overwhelming. But "runs" are more a function of the team's ability than Dustin himself. Pedey's OBP in 2008 was a pretty darn good .376. He was also lucky enough to be on the Red Sox. Put him on the Royals, and he's scoring a lot fewer runs.

4. Justin Morneau, Twins. Without him and his 129 RBIs, what does that lineup look like?
It's kind of funny that you say this, Jon, because without guys like Mauer and Span getting on base before Morneau, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to get those RBIs. Also, please see the thing about Mauer that I wrote later here.

5. Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox. The Red Sox campaign is for Pedroia, but this guy is just as pesky (.569 slugging, 115 RBIs).
Must all Red Sox be described as "pesky" or "scrappy" or "gritty"? Really? Can we just stop this bullshit? Also, I'm not sure a guy with a .569 SLG can really be called "pesky" as much as "super powerful."

6. Joe Nathan, Twins. Another great, underappreciated Twins star.
Who's a relief pitcher.

7. Joe Mauer, Twins. Great two-way catcher who won another batting title (.330) and is easily the best in his business.
Justin Morneau, 2008: .300/.374/.499/.873, 134 OPS+, 129 wRC+, 3.5 WAR
By comparison, remember how Derek Jeter ZOMGSUCKEDHESDONE in 2008? 3.7 WAR. Boom.
Joe Mauer, 2008: .328/.413/.451/.864, 134 OPS+, 135 wRC+, 5.8 WAR
Morneau is a first baseman. Mauer is a catcher. There is no reason why Mauer should have been lower than Morneau on anyone's 2008 ballot. None. (or the 2009 ballot but thank God that didn't happen with anyone)

8. Jermaine Dye, White Sox. Unnoticed star had a nice season.
How can you be "unnoticed" and a "star"?

9. Josh Hamilton, Rangers. As talented as anyone playing, including A-Rod, and 130 RBIs doesn't hurt his cause.
The dig at A-Rod is because...? And the RBIs are a testament to his team's ability to get on base ahead of him more than his ability to hit. Though he is a very, very, very good hitter. .304/.371/.530/.901 134 OPS+ CFs don't exactly grow on trees. He didn't do that great according to WAR but apparently he was an abysmal fielder, so yeah.

Skipped #10 (it was Longo).

AL LVP: Richie Sexson, Mariners, Yankees. Hit .221 overall and was absolutely terrible on both coasts.
Fun fact: I completely forgot Richie Sexson was ever a Yankee. Probably because he had 35 PA. Anyway, in that tiny sample size, he had a .764 OPS for a 101 OPS+. That's not a world-killer. However, it is (very) slightly above average. Which would generally qualify as not "absolutely terrible."


NL Cy Young
1. Santana. Gets edge over CC for ERA title and for being in the NL all year.

2. Sabathia. Sheer second-half dominance.
This makes no goddamn sense. How can you choose Sabathia as your #2 on the MVP (with no other pitcher above him), and then NOT have him #1 on the Cy Young? I don't think he should have gotten either of those, but Heyman's irrationality annoys me.

Also, Ben Sheets sheds a single tear.

3. Lidge. Though tough to leave out Webb and especially Lincecum (18-5, with a league-leading 265 strikeouts) in this year with at least five deserving candidates.
Okay. You could explain why you chose Lidge. He had an awesome year. But he was a relief pitcher. It is insanity to leave off Lincecum, Webb, and Haren, among others, for Lidge.

NL Cy Old:
Oh my God that is the worst pun ever.

Tom Gorzelanny. Ugliest numbers ever, including a demonic 6.66 ERA.
I'm not going to look it up, but I am willing to bet that they are not the ~UGLIEST NUMBERS EVER~.

AL Cy Young
1. Cliff Lee, Indians. Once-in-a-decade type season for this reclamation project (22-3, 2.54 ERA).
I know three years is forever in baseball, but he was only three years removed from finishing fourth in the 2005 Cy Young voting (Jesus, the 2005 Cy Young voting was a hot freaking mess. Bartolo Colon winning was the worst of it, but Mariano getting more votes and more than twice as many first place votes than Johan Santana? Buerhle, Garland, and Millwood getting mega-screwed?).

2. Roy Halladay, Blue Jays. The one pitcher in the league who can complete what he starts (nine complete games).
Any other explanation? No? Oh cool.

3. Francisco Rodriguez. Now holds the alltime saves record.
a. This is the worst explanation ever and not a reason to give someone the Cy Young. Also, it's not even right. Trevor Hoffman has the alltime saves record. (I know what he means. I'm just being picky and whiny.)
b. Again, Jon, you're doing the illogical thing. You can't have K-Rod be your #1 MVP and then only your #3 on your Cy Young ballot. That doesn't make any sense.

AL Cy Old:
That pun still pisses me off. Anyway, I'm skipping his choice (it was the D-Train) and I skipped his ROY selection, though I'm sure they were all dumb (eh, at least he didn't vote for Ellsbury over Longoria. That's something, right?).

NL Manager of the Year

1. Lou Piniella, Cubs. Changed the climate; new moniker should be lovable winners.
Yeahhh maybe not so much. Of course, it's always easy to look dumb in retrospect, but after the postseason and 2009, this is just wrong.

2. Joe Torre, Dodgers. Getting the last laugh from a distance.
Joe Girardi's Yankees, 2008: 89-73
other teams in the AL East: 97-65, 95-67, 86-76, 68-93
Joe Torre's Dodgers, 2008: 84-78
other teams in the NL West: 82-80, 74-88, 72-90, 63-99
Four of the teams in the 2008 AL East would have outright won the NL West. Four. And that's not even including the fact that if you moved them to the NL West, they'd get to beat up on the weak-ass NL West teams as opposed to facing each other over and over again.

3. Charlie Manuel, Phillies. Had the guts to bench Jimmy Rollins -- twice.
WTF? That's not a reason to vote for anyone.

NL Worst Manager: Bobby Cox, Braves. Finally won a one-run game on road, though.
Does this make any sense to anyone? Yeah, stupid Bobby Cox, you forced your GM to trade Mark Teixeira and his 137 OPS+ with Atlanta for Casey Kotchman and his 73 OPS+ with Atlanta! You also gave the team a pretty meh closer who gets hurt a lot! Boooo! I'm pretty sure Bobby Cox absolutely proves that managers are, generally, only as good as the teams they're given. Give him a team with a pretty good offense and an all-time great pitching staff and of course he'll make the playoffs a bunch of times. Doesn't mean he's a genius. Give him a sucky team and it'll suck. Doesn't mean he's a dumbass. No amount of coaching can make Casey Kotchman Mark Teixeira.

AL Manager of the Year

1. Joe Maddon, Rays. Brilliant performance by the Renaissance manager.
No quibble here.

2. Ron Gardenhire, Twins. Twins lost Santana, Torii Hunter and Matt Garza and got better.
Buuuuut probably not as good as they would have been with those guys, you know?

3. Mike Scioscia, Angels. Best in the game, year in and year out.
a. ew
b. if he's the "best in the game" why isn't he #1?

AL Worst Manager: Jim Leyland, Tigers. Got almost nothing out of what seemed like something.
I guess I should just be happy this isn't Girardi, huh?

NL Executive of the Year

1. Jim Hendry, Cubs. Built by far the best team in the NL.

2. Pat Gillick, Phillies. Lidge deal made the difference in the East.
These are two comments that are HILARIOUS in retrospect. I'm skipping stuff, so...

AL Executive of the Year

1. Andrew Friedman, Rays. Turned perennial laughingstock into Yankees/Red Sox slayer.
Not disagreeing with this (and I know what he means), I'm just gently pointing out that the TOTAL FAILURE OMG THEY SUCK SO MUCH 2008 New York Yankees were 11-7 against the 2008 Rays.

The rest of it is pretty banal but oooh, Heyman did one of these for 2009 too. I'll get to that goodness tomorrow (well, later today)