Returning to The Screen Directory...

Remember this? So, I was really bored and I decided to list my nominations for their top 15 actors and actresses. Here goes! For every actor/actress, I have only included their 1990s and 2000s work (sorry Jack.).


the gentlemen

philip seymour hoffman
1999 - best supporting actor, magnolia (loses to tom cruise magnolia)
2000 - best supporting actor, almost famous (loses to mark ruffalo you can count on me)
top 10s for capote (2005), top 15s for the talented mr. ripley (1999), 25th hour (2002), and owning mahoney (2003)

edward norton
1996 - best supporting actor, primal fear *
1996 - best supporting actor, the people vs. larry flynt (loses to...himself)
1998 - best actor, american history x (loses to ian mckellen gods and monsters)
2002 - best actor, 25th hour (loses to jack nicholson about schmidt)
top 10s for fight club (1999), top 20s for the painted veil (2006)

sean penn
1993 - best supporting actor, carlito's way (loses to ralph fiennes schindler's list)
1995 - best actor, dead man walking (loses to nicolas cage leaving las vegas)
2003 - best actor, mystic river (loses to bill murray lost in translation)
top 10s for sweet and lowdown (1999) and 21 grams (2003), top 15s for the assassination of richard nixon (2004). and i still haven't seen much of his 80s stuff.

christian bale
2000 - best actor, american psycho *
top 10s for the machinist (2004), top 20s for batman begins (2005), top 30s for the prestige (2006) (last year was really strong for actors, he was quite good)

leonardo dicaprio
1993 - best supporting actor, what's eating gilbert grape? (loses to ralph fiennes schindler's list) 2006 - best actor, the departed (loses to ryan gosling half nelson)
top 10s for catch me if you can (2002), top 15s for the aviator (2004)

johnny depp
none. top 10s for ed wood (1994) - he's great, but i can't imagine taking anyone out of my top 6 (he's #7)

russell crowe
1997 - best actor, l.a. confidential (loses to ian holm the sweet hereafter)
1999 - best actor, the insider (loses to kevin spacey american beauty)
2000 - best actor, gladiator (loses to christian bale american psycho)
2001 - best actor, a beautiful mind *
top 10s for master and commander (2003), top 15s for cinderella man (2005), top 25s for a good year (seriously) (2006)

denzel washington
1992 - best actor, malcolm x *
2001 - best actor, training day (loses to russell crowe a beautiful mind)
top 25s for inside man (2006)

jack nicholson (remember, 1990s and after only)
2002 - best actor, about schmidt *
top 10s for as good as it gets (1997) and the pledge (2001), top 15s for the departed (2006)

joaquin phoenix
none. top 10 for quills (2000) and top 15 for walk the line (2005)

kevin spacey
1995 - best supporting actor, the usual suspects *
1997 - best supporting actor, l.a. confidential *
1999 - best actor, american beauty *
top 10s for henry & june (1990), the ref (1994), a time to kill (1996), hurlyburly (1998), and the life of david gale (2003), top 20s for superman returns (2006)

ralph fiennes
1993 - best supporting actor, schindler's list *
1996 - best actor, the english patient (loses to jeffrey wright basquiat)
2005 - best actor, the constant gardener (loses to heath ledger brokeback mountain)
top 15s for spider (2002) and he's also really good in red dragon, believe it or not...i need to put him in my lineup somewhere

tom hanks
1994 - best actor, forrest gump (loses to paul newman nobody's fool)
2000 - best actor, cast away (loses to christian bale american psycho)
top 10s for philadelphia (1993)

geoffrey rush
1996 - best actor, shine (loses to jeffrey wright basquiat)
top 15s for shakespeare in love and elizabeth (1998), quills (2000), and pirates of the carribbean: the curse of the black pearl (2003)

paul giamatti
2004 - best actor, sideways (loses to clive owen closer)
top 15s for the illusionist (2006), cinderella man (2005), and american splendor (2003)


the ladies

cate blanchett
1998 - best actress, elizabeth (loses to samantha morton under the skin)
2000 - best actress, the gift (loses to ellen burstyn requiem for a dream)
top 10s for oscar and lucinda (1997), heaven (2002), veronica guerin (2003), coffee and cigarettes (2004), and the good german (2006)

nicole kidman
1995 - best actress, to die for (loses to elisabeth shue leaving las vegas)
1999 - best supporting actress, eyes wide shut *
2001 - best actress, moulin rouge! (loses to naomi watts mulholland dr.)
2001 - best actress, the others (yes, nominated twice)
2004 - best actress, dogville (loses to kate winslet eternal sunshine...)
2004 - best actress, birth (yes, nominated twice...again)
top 15 for fur (2006)

kate winslet (and the fangirlyness starts!!!)
1994 - best actress, heavenly creatures (loses to linda fiorentino the last seduction)
1995 - best supporting actress, sense and sensibility *
1996 - best supporting actress, hamlet (loses to frances mcdormand fargo)
1999 - best actress, holy smoke! (loses to hilary swank boys don't cry)
2000 - best supporting actress, quills (loses to jennifer connelly requiem for a dream)
2001 - best supporting actress, iris *
2004 - best actress, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind *
2006 - best actress, little children (loses to meryl streep the devil wears prada)
top 10s for jude (1996) and hideous kinky (1998)

hilary swank
1999 - best actress, boys don't cry *
top 15s for million dollar baby (2004)

reese witherspoon
1996 - best actress, freeway (loses to emily watson breaking the waves)
1999 - best actress, election (loses to hilary swank boys don't cry)
2005 - best actress, walk the line (loses to rachel weisz the constant gardener)
top 10 for man on the moon (1991) and legally blonde (2001), top 15 for vanity fair (2004)

renee zellweger
2000 - best actress, nurse betty (loses to ellen burstyn requiem for a dream)
2001 - best actress, bridget jones' diary (loses to naomi watts mulholland dr.)
2003 - best supporting actress, cold mountain (loses to holly hunter thirteen)
top 10s for jerry maguire (1996) and chicago (2002), top 15s for down with love (2003)

juliette binoche
1991 - best actress, lovers on the bridge (loses to jodie foster silence of the lambs)
1994 - best actress, three colors: blue (loses to holly hunter the piano)
top 10s for the english patient (1996)

jennifer connelly
2000 - best supporting actress, requiem for a dream *
top 10s for house of sand and fog (2003)

rachel weisz
2005 - best actress, the constant gardener *
top 15s for the fountain (2006) (can't decide if she's supporting or leading. currently i have her as lead...in supporting, i would nominate her.)

maggie gyllenhaal
2002 - best actress, secretary (loses to samantha morton morvern callar)
top 10s for sherrybaby (2006) and happy endings (2005), top 20s for stranger than fiction (2006), top 30s for world trade center (2006)

charlize theron
2003 - best actress, monster (loses to uma thurman kill bill and scarjo lost in translation)

rachel mcadams
none. top 10s for mean girls (2004) and red eye (2005)

julianne moore
1993 - best supporting actress, short cuts (loses to gong li farewell, my concubine)
1994 - best supporting actress, vanya on 42nd street (loses to uma thurman pulp fiction)
1995 - best actress, safe (loses to elisabeth shue leaving las vegas)
1997 - best supporting actress, boogie nights (loses to sarah polley the sweet hereafter)
1999 - best actress, the end of the affair (loses to hilary swank boys don't cry)
2002 - best actress, far from heaven (loses to samantha morton morvern callar)
top 10s for the big lebowski (1998), the hours (2002), and children of men (2006)

toni collette
1995 - best actress, muriel's wedding (loses to elisabeth shue leaving las vegas)
1999 - best supporting actress, the sixth sense (loses to nicole kidman eyes wide shut)
2002 - best supporting actress, the hours (maybe, as it's a borderline cameo) (loses to catherine zeta-jones, chicago)
top 10s for about a boy (2002) and little miss sunshine (2006), top 15s for japanese story (2004) and in her shoes (2005)

naomi watts
2001 - best actress, mulholland dr. *
top 10 for the painted veil (2006), top 15 for i heart huckabees (2004)

black comedy: the black-and-white edition

Good:





Bad:

another sort of confession

I will watch this movie any time it is on. Yeah, it's mindless...but for mindless, it's actually quite smart. Alicia Silverstone is just fantastic in it (too bad 1995 is so crowded in terms of actresses, she's my #7 for the year. Not bad, especially when you consider that #6 is Susan Sarandon.) and Paul Rudd is so freaking cute (okay, okay, so he's kind of a Baldwin... ;) ). I love Clueless!

aguhhhh

Oh my...wow.

Still, I don't think I ever (even theoretically) could date him. He is prettier than I am (then again, so's the boyf :) ), and apparently kind of an ass (unlike the boyf, happily enough. Jonathan ripped on my girl ScarJo!). I can hardly concentrate on Match Point because he's so flipping hot. I mean, even those who hate that movie have gotta give it props for the creation of that gorgeous cinematic couple.

GREAT line

"Vanessa Redgrave spends most of Evening dying, and so does Evening." -I think it was the New York Post? Anyway. I know it's gonna suck hard and I guess Glenn ain't gettin' nominated, but I'm still pretty excited to see The Hours: Part II, if only to giggle over how melodramatic it surely will be.

I'm gonna embarrass myself here.

Bruce Willis: gorgeous and talented.

Part Two of the Unfortunate Oscar Losers

don't be ticked-off, Meryl. For once, you actually didn't deserve it.

The second part of this not-so-illustrious series will focus on the nominees who I think placed second in the actual Oscar voting. I think I know enough to include screenplays here, too. I don't know why this is really something I felt the need to blog, but...never be afraid to bore 'em, that's my motto.

2000
Best Picture: Traffic
Best Director: Ridley Scott, Gladiator
Best Actor: Tom Hanks, Cast Away
Best Actress: Juliette Binoche, Chocolat (Oscar LOOOOVED Chocolat. They did not LOOOOVE Requiem for a Dream.)
Best Supporting Actor: Joaquin Phoenix, Gladiator
Best Supporting Actress: Kate Hudson, Almost Famous (I'd love to see this vote tally.......)
Best Original Screenplay: Gladiator
Best Adapted Screenplay: Chocolat

2001
Best Picture: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Best Director: Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Best Actor: Russell Crowe, A Beautiful Mind
Best Actress: Sissy Spacek, In the Bedroom
Best Supporting Actor: Ian McKellen, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Best Supporting Actress: Maggie Smith, Gosford Park (Jennifer probably got every vote though. Gross.)
Best Original Screenplay: Memento (I don't wanna hear that it's too out-there for Oscar. Oscar sometimes goes out there for Original Screenplay. They gave it to Talk to Her!!! And Eternal Sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

2002
Best Picture: The Pianist
Best Director: Rob Marshall, Chicago
Best Actor: Jack Nicholson, About Schmidt (soooo hard to call. I think there was a huge push for Jack, and a huge push for Day-Lewis, and a huge push for Cage, and them splitting the votes caused Adrien to win. I'd love to see the vote tally on this one...)
Best Actress: Julianne Moore, Far from Heaven
Best Supporting Actor: Paul Newman, Road to Perdition (see, it's decisions like this that do give me faith in the Academy. Even though Newman was great, ain't no one touchin' Cooper that year. And any sort of Oscar logic would deem that Paul would win...but he didn't.)
Best Supporting Actress: Meryl Streep, Adaptation. (love her here. But, see above. This is a stacked year for supporting actress, quality-wise...)
Best Original Screenplay: My Big Fat Greek Wedding (oh THANK YOU Talk to Her)
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Hours

2003
Best Picture: Mystic River (Actually, this doesn't apply, because LOTR got every vote.)
Best Director: Clint Eastwood, Mystic River (actually, this doesn't apply, because Peter Jackson got every vote.)
Best Actor: Bill Murray, Lost in Translation (actually, this doesn't apply, because Sean Penn got about 90% of votes.)
Best Actress: Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give (actually, this doesn't apply, because Charlize Theron got every vote.)
Best Supporting Actor: Benicio del Toro, 21 Grams (actually, this doesn't apply, because Tim Robbins got every vote.)
Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Clarkson, Pieces of April (actually, this doesn't apply, because Renee Zellweger got every vote. Okay, I'll stop pretending I'm clever...2003 was really boring.)
Best Original Screenplay: Finding Nemo ?????
Best Adapted Screenplay: Mystic River

2004
Best Picture: The Aviator
Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Aviator (I like how he won an Oscar, so now he is "a hack who sold out to the Hollywood system." Whaaaaa)
Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator (much like 2003, though, Jamie got every vote.)
Best Actress: Imelda Staunton, Vera Drake (Jesus Christ please tell me it was not Annette.)
Best Supporting Actor: Thomas Haden Church, Sideways (this means Clive was third. Dammit.)
Best Supporting Actress: Virginia Madsen, Sideways
Best Original Screenplay: Hotel Rwanda
Best Adapted Screenplay: Million Dollar Baby (Paul Haggis!!! I'm the only one who loves you, but I do!)

2005
Best Picture: Brokeback Mountain (ooh lordy)
Best Director: uhh...George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck.
Best Actor: Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain (Phil got every vote)
Best Actress: Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Best Supporting Actor: Matt Dillon, Crash
Best Supporting Actress: Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
Best Original Screenplay: Good Night, and Good Luck.
Best Adapted Screenplay: uh Capote?

2006
Best Picture: Little Miss Sunshine (not Babel. Yeah, I know it wasn't nominated for Director or Editing. But Arkin won = way more support than we thought. Babel not winning jack shit but Score = less support than we thought.)
Best Director: Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima (I know, roughly around 25 people saw this movie. But the Academy LOVES CLINT. You know people voted for him without even seeing the movie...)
Best Actor: Peter O'Toole, Venus (On the other hand, I think 20 people saw this movie. But again, I'm sure people voted for him without seeing it)
Best Actress: Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada (I am roughly 98% sure that Helen Mirren got every single vote, however. Even those of the other nominees.)
Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Best Supporting Actress: Rinko Kikuchi, Babel (thank youuuu Jenny!!!)
Best Original Screenplay: Babel
Best Adapted Screenplay: umm...Children of Men?

What'd we learn here? Basically, that 2003 was really boring and sometimes, the screenplay races are too. Um...right.

Part One of The Unfortunate Oscar Losers

Uma sees a member of the Academy...

So, tonight, cuz I can't think of anything better to do, I'm going to do my list of Unfortunate Oscar Losers of the 2000s onward. This first part is the people who, I believe, were in sixth place every year in certain categories (the majors that aren't the screenplays). I'll have explanations if I find they're necessary. I'm probably really wrong with the early 2000s since I didn't really start following the Oscars until 2005ish...but oh well.

2000
Best Picture: Almost Famous
Best Director: Ed Harris, Pollock (it had popularity among the Academy. Actor turned director)
Best Actor: Michael Douglas, Wonder Boys
Best Actress: Renee Zellweger, Nurse Betty
Best Supporting Actor: um. Gary Oldman, The Contender
Best Supporting Actress: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Traffic

2001
Best Picture: Shrek
Best Director: Baz Luhrmann, Moulin Rouge! (I don't understand how they liked it enough to nominate it for Best Picture and have it win several awards...and then didn't nominate it for Best Director. What the hell do they think made Moulin Rouge! Moulin Rouge!????? Some very good movies don't have very distinct direction. This one sure as fuck did!)
Best Actor: Gene Hackman, The Royal Tenenbaums
Best Actress: Naomi Watts, Mulholland Dr. (um...well...Nicole in The Others probably had more votes but you know what? If enough saw Mulholland Dr. to nominate it for Best Director, enough would have seen Naomi to vote for her as Best Actress. She probably got a lot of #1s.)
Best Supporting Actor: Jude Law, A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
Best Supporting Actress: Gwyneth Paltrow, The Royal Tenenbaums

2002
Best Picture: um. About Schmidt?
Best Director: Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Best Actor: Richard Gere, Chicago
Best Actress: Meryl Streep, The Hours
Best Supporting Actor: Dennis Quaid, Far from Heaven
Best Supporting Actress: Cameron Diaz, Gangs of New York (I like Cameron quite a bit as an actress, but lordy I am glad she was snubbed here.)

2003
Best Picture: Cold Mountain
Best Director: Anthony Minghella, Cold Mountain
Best Actor: Russell Crowe, Master and Commander: I Can't Remember the Rest of this Title =/
Best Actress: Uma Thurman, Kill Bill: Volume 1
Best Supporting Actor: Peter Sarsgaard, Shattered Glass
Best Supporting Actress: Scarlett Johansson, Lost in Translation (remember, they were campaigning her supporting? Which is CRAZY TALK.)

2004
Best Picture: Hotel Rwanda
Best Director: Marc Forster, Finding Neverland
Best Actor: hmmm, I wonder... Paul Giamatti, Sideways (the snub of snubs!)
Best Actress: Uma Thurman, Kill Bill: Volume 2 (poor, poor Uma. She deserved it both years 100%, too.)
Best Supporting Actor: David Carradine, Kill Bill: Volume 2 (let's snub the old guy who's actually good. Let's give the nomination to the old guy who's really boring [that's an insult directed toward Alan Alda, not Morgan Freeman. I luv u Morgan.])
Best Supporting Actress: uhhhh...Kate Winslet, Finding Neverland ????

2005
Best Picture: Walk the Line
Best Director: James Mangold, Walk the Line
Best Actor: Russell Crowe, Cinderella Man
Best Actress: Ziyi Zhang, Memoirs of a Geisha (I don't want to hear your silly Joan Allen-ness. Though thank God both of 'em were snubbed.)
Best Supporting Actor: Terrence Howard, Crash
Best Supporting Actress: Maria Bello, A History of Violence (I'm still really confused about how Hurt got in, and she didn't.)

2006
Best Picture: Dreamgirls
Best Director: the peeps who directed Little Miss Sunshine
Best Actor: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat... though I think Leo in The Departed had more votes than him
Best Actress: God only knows, since the same five were repeated all awards season. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Sherrybaby
Best Supporting Actor: Jack Nicholson, The Departed
Best Supporting Actress: Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada (HA.)

So basically: the Academy's snubs have sometimes left out really bad, overhyped performances and movies (anything that brings Almost Famous and Emily Blunt less glory makes me oh so happy), and sometimes they've left out really amazing performances and movies (THE BRIIIIDE). Not really anything we didn't know.

I'M SO BUYING TICKETS RIGHT NOW

I apologize for the caps. BUT THEY ARE COMPLETELY NECESSARY:
http://www.playbill.com/news/article/109148.html

Spike.
Cliiiiiive.
Stalag 17.
Omigawd omigawd omigawd.

I love IMDb's "plot keywords"

Plot Keywords:Fart / Fart Scene / Flatulence / Farting Scene / Best Friend more
for All the Real Girls, mind you

The most annoying characters...

shut up shut up shut up
(even though you don't say anything the entire movie)

...of 2006, that immediately come to mind. Late, I know, but it's not like I've seen much from 2007 so I can't really talk about that. Not all bad performances (though I'm not truly fond of any of them), but portrayals of characters so obnoxious you just want to take them by the shoulders and shake them around. A lot. Often, no matter how good the performances are (though I mentioned that not really any of them are good...I guess Nighy was the best, Kikuchi and Blunt are so overrated but okayish I guess, and Hathaway and Thoms were just plain terrible), the characters took away from my enjoyment of the movie because they were so obnoxious (I love this word. I love using it at any opportunity, and putting it in italics whenever I use it).

Emily - The Devil Wears Prada
Meryl was masterful at balancing the bitchy side and the human side. Emily Blunt, not so much. Say what you will about working with women, and I'll say a lot, but they are never this bitchy to your face. It's way more behind your back. I saw this movie in theaters, and when she got hit by the car, people applauded. I hate clapping at movies, but I joined in.

Andy Sachs - The Devil Wears Prada
As a college student, I'm pressured, already, to find a great job right out of graduation. Andy certainly did. Sure, the demands were a little ridiculous. But, the connections, the money... you shut up and take it. Hathaway's "I'm gonna look at you with my giant eyes so that you don't notice I'm not acting" performance wasn't helping at all.

Lily - The Devil Wears Prada
Waaaah I can't deal with my friend's great job! Can you tell I didn't like the characters of Prada very much? That's okay. Miranda Priestly makes up for it. That, and it could not possibly be any worse than the dire, dire novel.

Chieko - Babel
People, when blathering on about how they hate Jennifer Hudson, go on about how she was "making weird faces the entire time." Um...did these people see Babel? Kikuchi was like the queen of weird faces (yeah, I know she was deaf, but even in the stills, she's still making totally bizarre faces, see top). Oh, and put some panties on. I'm hardly a prude, but her character gave me the heebie-jeebies with how friggin' naked she was.

Richard Hart - Notes on a Scandal
SUCH AN ASSHOLE. Yeah, I guess it's understandable, but there were just some scenes where Nighy's facial expressions and vocal sneers were just so...ugh! People were going on about how homophobic this film was, because Barbara was "the villain." We were allowed to feel for Barbara because of how amazing Dench was, and the voiceover. I never felt anything for Richard apart from utter loathing. Asshole. This movie made me hate Bill Nighy! GUH.

Evening and other assorted thoughts

I'm pretty sure Evening is gonna suck (yet hopefully, I'll still see it this weekend). I mean...movies with that good a cast don't get dumped in July for no reason.

Also, I actually posted on IMDb, for the first time ever. Some post was talking about how there are no good female villain roles and someone was like "but Michelle Pfeiffer is playing two this year alone! OMG she is amazing!!!!" I couldn't help but be like "Velma Von Tussle isn't exactly Lady Macbeth." Here's to many more posts mocking idiot IMDbers!

I'm confused by Hairspray's reception, though. Everyone seems all psyched to love it ahead of time. It's a little like Dreamgirls (only in reverse)... Dreamgirls could have been the best movie ever made and you know there are still people who would hate it.

just to continue with the trend of pictures in lieu of actual entries

I consider this to be one of the greatest pictures ever taken. Woody and ScarJo really need to do something in New York...

David Lynch kind of makes me love him in this picture

Don't tell me that's not exactly how you picture David Lynch in real life. Like "yeah...you...I see you...nobody else does...I'M GONNA FREAK YOU OUT!!!!"

happy birthday to a cinema god

P.T. Anderson directed Magnolia and Boogie Nights. That's all I need to love him, forever.

Punch-Drunk Love and Hard Eight ain't shabby either. I cannot wait for There Will Be Blood, though the trailer doesn't have me as orgasmic as some other people are. I'm sure it'll be good or great...though I do prefer P.T. in manic multi-cast mode (and without the kid who was bad in Little Miss Sunshine).

I love you, Jack, you crazy son-of-a-bitch.

"Abandoned by his father in his childhood, he was raised believing his grandmother was his mother and his mother was his older sister. The truth was revealed to him years later when a Time magazine researcher uncovered the truth while preparing a story on the star."

Seriously, that is some Chinatown shit.

Can I have a failure, please?

So now they're calling Evan Almighty a failure? Yeah, I see where they're coming from. It was ridiculously expensive. Spider-Man 3 and Pirates 3 and Shrek 3 all opened with obscene amounts of money and Evan Almighty didn't. But if $32 million is a failure...may I please have a failure?

he's just a sweet transvestite from sweet transsexual...

...Camelot.

an actress you might be surprised i like

Rosario Dawson rocks.

In praise of Bill Murray

being worshipped by two goddesses as he should be.

I'm not going to pretend that Bill Murray is the greatest actor in the world, but he's probably my favorite. Don't you wish he was your wisecracking uncle? I'd seen him in Rushmore, Lost in Translation, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, and Groundhog Day and loved him there, but I never realized I liked him so much until The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. The movie is a mess, and has no point at all. Yet, I still really liked it. Why? Yeah, it had really great Costume Design and Art Direction, but I realized: it was the wonderful Bill. I caught up on pretty much the rest of his filmography after that. Yeah, it could be argued he plays the same sad clown in every movie, but I love it. Bill, please keep acting (and omigawd please not in any more Garfield movies, you are so much better than that). You are a total joy and you know you were robbed in '98 and '03.

I think I'm the only one that likes Gwyneth Paltrow.

Seriously, though. She's pretty and generally wears pretty clothes at awards shows (that scary black see-through thing being an exception), which will always endear anyone to me. And she's a good actress. And no, Cate Blanchett wasn't better than her in 1998 (though Emily Watson [and Samantha Morton, and Angelina Jolie in TV-world] owned both of them, so stop bitching everyone)! But seriously, Shakespeare in Love, Emma, Proof, Sylvia, The Royal Tenenbaums, Possession (she's actually good!), The Talented Mr. Ripley, Sliding Doors (I'm serious!), Shallow Hal (still serious!), and most recently Infamous, in which she has a cameo where she is notably better than anyone else in the entire film. That's a great, great body of work. I heart Gwynnie, and I hate when people hate her because she dares to have an opinion about things with which they disagree.

People are idiots.

"Crash was as subtle as a brick."

Um...who said it was supposed to be subtle? Racism's a hard issue to discuss. I mean, really, if you're gonna talk about racism, talk about racism. Hell, show me a movie about racism that is subtle. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner isn't (it's also pretty terrible). In the Heat of the Night isn't. Do the Right Thing, one of the greatest films ever made, isn't. And Crash had people meet it with total anger; for a movie like that, something even worse than people hating it is people thinking it's mediocre and ignoring it (also, I love when people say "Crash was mediocre," then go on to eviscerate it and give it a 1/10. People, that's not "mediocre." Look in a dictionary.).

Lost in Translation's on now! YAAAYYYY!!!

Trailer trash talk.

I saw the Margot at the Wedding trailer. Dude. Academy Award Nominee Jack Black? I think Margot will have Squid and the Whale-level success, in that it'll get some critical recognition, but no Best Picture nomination-type stuff. And, in the trailer, Black schools the morose Kidman and hardly present Jason Leigh. I'd like to see it happen...

Oh, and I did the impossible. I ranked my chosen 100 movies from the AFI list. =/ Citizen Kane is #30! I be talkin' crazy talk! I'll post the list...eventually.

Oh crap!

Also, a very happy birthday to that king of juicy B-movie horror and Spider-Man alike, Bruce Campbell. Oh, and he's hot as anything in this picture. Looks kinda like the boyf. Okay, fine, I'll be quiet now.

happy birthday to two of cinema's most godly contributors.

Billy Wilder (only the greatest last line writer ever)...

...and Meryl Streep.

reactions to the AFI

^ laughing at the idea of any sort of best movie list without Amadeus

This is gonna be a longy, folks. Reactions to my original thoughts from before the list was revealed, too. Let's do that first, from this post.

"1996: Forrest Gump was #71. Pulp Fiction, #95. Ewww"
Now Forrest Gump is #76 and Pulp Fiction is #94. I'm still displeased.

"Also, the, for lack of a better term, stupid fuckers said Amadeus could be replaced with 'better movies.'"
...apparently such as Sophie's Choice. And Titanic. And The Sixth Sense. And In the Heat of the Night. Though I'm fans of the last three, and I'm soooo glad In the Heat of the Night is on there instead of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, they cannot measure up, in any way, shape, or form, to Amadeus. Oh, and Yankee Doodle Dandy is apparently better too. Bullshit.

"I would cry of happiness if Lost in Translation or Eternal Sunshine made it onto the list, but I doubt either of them will. Still, my third or so favorite movie on there, American Beauty, will make it onto the list, and quite high, I'm hoping."
I was right about Translation and Sunshine, but everyone saw that coming. I'm kind of shocked that American Beauty wasn't there. Even by the time they got to the top 20, I was like "yeah, it wouldn't be unreasonable for it to be here."

"Saving Private Ryan will be on the list, and quite high, because they are so wet for Spielberg"
At least I was right about this one

"Titanic will be the highest debut."
Or not.

"At least one of the Lord of the Rings movies will be on there"
Yay

"Things that will probably do better: Goodfellas, Schindler's List (there's no way it's getting ranked below The Graduate now), Pulp Fiction, Annie Hall, The Godfather Part II, Amadeus better go up in the rankings you assholes, Network because it's become more than just a great movie, it's become bizarrely prophetic, anything Eastwood because since 1996, he's gone from being Legendary Actor, Okay Director with One Really Really Good Movie to The Greatest Director Of Our Time (And By That, We Mean Ever). Though if Unforgiven drops off the list totally and Million Dollar Baby is on it fairly high up, I won't be surprised."
Goodfellas = a whole 2 spaces higher
Schindler's List = a whole space higher
Pulp Fiction = a whole space higher
Annie Hall = fell 4 spots :(
The Godfather Part II = the same... it's just weird that The Godfather gets the BEST MOVIE EVER (next to Citizen Kane) hosannahs and this is stuck in the 30s...
Let's not talk about Amadeus any more as I kind of get physically angry
Network = up 2
anything Eastwood = Unforgiven up 30! Nobody talks about that film any more though. And Million Dollar Baby wasn't on the list at all. They went boxing-crazy on this list, what with Rocky and Raging Bull's crazy rises.

"Things that will probably fall in the rankings: The Graduate (boohoo), Dances with Wolves, Giant, Tootsie (waaaah), The Sound of Music, The African Queen (this is the same case as The Graduate - ranked incredibly high, but nobody talks about it!)"
Dances with Wolves and Giant, both of which were fairly high last time, are now off the list. Tootsie fell 7 spots - not nearly as much as I was expecting. The Sound of Music went up 15 =/ but The African Queen fell 48. The Graduate fell 10 spots, to #17, and I saw that coming and I think I'm the only one that's sad about it.

So, uh, I did okay on that part. I guess.

YAY!!!!

• Like I said, it's honestly not a bad list. Like, it's not cringingly embarassing. Far from it. The old one wasn't either, though.
• Vertigo up fifty-two spaces to #8, and it's above Psycho!!! Amazing!
• Raging Bull up 20 spots - in the top 5! When the list got to Gone with the Wind at #6 I was like "Fuck. I guess Raging Bull is off the list too. I hate the AFI." I'm thrilled it was so high, it totally deserves it. The 80s were indeed a shitty time for movies overall. But the three best movies of the 80s - Amadeus, Raging Bull, and AFI's #96 :D - are among the best movies ever.
• Do the Right Thing!!!! Y'all know I'm a Crash fan. But I was like "if Crash is on this list and Do the Right Thing is not, there's something wrong with the world." It should be higher, but whatever.
• Bladerunner!!!!
• SHAWSHANK!!!!!!!!!
• All the President's Men!
• I don't love In the Heat of the Night, but it's a much, much, much better movie than Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, so yay
• Singin' in the Rain in single digits :D
• To Kill a Mockingbird up 9 spots!
• Cabaret debuts at #72. I'm not its biggest fan, but hey...I'll support pretty much any musical that's not The Sound of Music or My Fair Lady or Oliver! or...come to think of it, all the '60s Best Picture winners that were musicals weren't very good (West Side Story is good, but ludicrously overrated). But anyway. I love musicals! More musicals on the AFI list please please thank you! Moulin Rouge! next time please!
• Rocky up 21, but still under Taxi Driver. The former gets a lot of flack, but it's still a great film. Though, no, it didn't deserve Best Picture, and that's reflected.
• The African Queen down 48!
• The Apartment up 13! (It should still be higher.)
• Uh, well, at least Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas did better, right...?
• Any sort of increase for The Godfather or its sequel makes me full of joy. Not that it's going to go up again, because let's face it, Citizen Kane will be #1 for all eternity.
• The great and deserved debuts of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Nashville, and let me stop lying to myself, Titanic.

BOOO!!!!
• Here's where I quote one of my favorite cheesetastic 80s songs: Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus Amadeus... oh oh oh AMADEUS!
• The Manchurian Candidate =/
• Rebel Without a Cause, The Third Man, Fantasia, Fargo, Close Encounters of the Third Kind...
• Yankee Doodle Dandy is still on the list. Hell, it even went up.
• AFI really needs to kick out the members who are actually dead, then maybe Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas will actually get on there.
• Obviously, movies that aren't on there and never were to begin with. Just going from the list of 400... I know tons of people are thrilled that American Beauty didn't actually make it, but I'm not. Star Wars is on there, but not The Empire Strikes Back. Airplane! Blue Velvet. Boogie Nights. Carrie. The Conversation. Days of Heaven. Dog Day Afternoon?!?!?!? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Harold and Maude. The Hustler. The King of Comedy. Kramer vs Kramer. MANHATTAN. NIGHT OF THE HUNTER. The Producers. Among many others.
• Sophie's Choice? What does anyone say whenever you bring up Sophie's Choice... "oh my God, Meryl Streep is amazing!!!" She is, but does anyone ever say anything else, including what AFI said on the show? No. You know why not? It's kind of a bad movie otherwise. And the AFI is saying it's better than, from the 80s alone, Bladerunner, Amadeus, and Do the Right Thing, among many others I could mention that aren't on the list but are notably better than Sophie's Choice.
• I like The Sixth Sense. I like it a lot. But better than Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas? Hahahahhahahahaha.
• Come to think of it, though, Forrest Gump over those three, as well as many other movies that are on there/could have been included, is horrifying.
• The Wizard of Oz and Sunset Boulevard down 4 =/
• One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest down 13 (do they hate Milos Forman all of a sudden? Is Goya's Ghosts really really terrible and they all got secret screenings?), All About Eve down 12, On the Waterfront down 11, The Graduate down 10, It's a Wonderful Life down 9, Some Like It Hot down 8 :( :( :(
• The French Connection and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid down 23? Ewww... and saddd... :(
• I like Star Wars but it really isn't that good.

Whatever?
• Most of the giant jumps/falls except the ones I mentioned.
• Citizen Kane at #1. It's a great, great movie. I wouldn't have it as my #1, but it will be there forever.

Overall, like I said: It's not an awful list, it's not an amazing list. It's got some bits of brilliance and some forehead-smacking horribleness. And hey - they're accomplished, far more than this silly blogger can say. I have my top 100 from their ballot of 400, which I'll list...eventually, but to rank it would be SO HARD. Oh, and AFI, in 2016 or whenever, please please please put Amadeus back on your list. That's all I ask for. Thanks.

Dear AFI,

I'm not here to bitch about your list too much. I mean, God forbid any movie that's not older than 30 years old/in color be any good, but besides that, it's good enough (thank God The African Queen dropped so much). However, I have noticed that Amadeus, your #53 back in 1996, is absent from the new list. Sophie's Choice, however, is on this new list. I will assume both of these were honest mistakes and spare your life.

Love,
Me.

happy birthday to the gorgeous and ridiculously talented...

...Nicole Mary Kidman. GOD, I WANT TO BE HER IN MOULIN ROUGE! SO BADLY. Minus the whole consumption dying-at-the-end thing. But besides that. I love you, Nicole!

AFI's 100 Years, 100 Movies

yes, this is probably my only opportunity for an "I LOVE YOU!" moment tomorrow night

As anyone reading this (anyone out there?) would probably know, AFI's 100 Years, 100 Movies series is being updated, and the new list will be revealed tomorrow! I am ridiculously excited. No, the AFI really doesn't make the best choices. They favor bland Best Picture winners over true originals and trailblazers (1996: Forrest Gump was #71. Pulp Fiction, 95. Ewww.). Still, if you're not at least interested, you're lying (I've got my eye on you, certain bloggers). I tried to find just a plain list of the movies and their ranking back in 1996; here's the Wikipedia page, which won't copy and paste correctly, grr. Anyway, my search made me realize just how much I hate filmsite.org, which whines about how OMG THERE ARE THREE MODERN CRIME MOVIES ON IT (yeah, at #84, 94, and 95.) AND THERE NEED TO BE MORE SILENT MOVIES OMG OMG OMG. Also, the, for lack of a better term, stupid fuckers said Amadeus could be replaced with "better movies." Yes, "stupid fuckers" are rather harsh terms, but insult Amadeus in front of me and THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. Anyway. Here are the post-1997 movies on the ballot:

American Beauty *
As Good As It Gets
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery -
The Aviator
A Beautiful Mind * (ew?)
Being John Malkovich -
Boogie Nights
Brokeback Mountain
Chicago
Crash
Erin Brockovich
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -
Fight Club -
Finding Nemo
Gladiator
Good Night, and Good Luck
Good Will Hunting
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban -
Hotel Rwanda
The Hours
The Insider -
L. A. Confidential
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring *
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King *
Lost in Translation
The Matrix -
Memento -
Million Dollar Baby * (this will probably replace Unforgiven)
Moulin Rouge! -
Mystic River
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl -
Ray
Requiem for a Dream -
Rushmore -
Saving Private Ryan *
Shakespeare in Love
Shrek
Sideways
The Sixth Sense
Spider-Man 2 -
There’s Something About Mary -
Three Kings -
Titanic *
Traffic

I put dashes next to the movies that have no chance of making it onto the top 400, because they are just far too weird for AFI. I starred the ones with the very best chances. I'm amazed Three Kings even freaking made it onto the ballot. I would cry of happiness if Lost in Translation or Eternal Sunshine made it onto the list, but I doubt either of them will. Still, my third or so favorite movie on there, American Beauty, will make it onto the list, and quite high, I'm hoping. Saving Private Ryan will be on the list, and quite high, because they are so wet for Spielberg (a note: I love Spielberg. A post in defense of Spielberg is coming soon, because today at work I was reading his Wikipedia article [I work so hard], and the "criticism" section pissed me off so goddamn much. It reminds me of the reason why I refuse to interact with my fellow bloggers. But I'll get into that in another entry. But anyway, the AFI loves him EVEN MORE. Like, if they ever heard someone dissing him, they would KILL THAT PERSON.). Titanic will be the highest debut. At least one of the Lord of the Rings movies will be on there (Return of the King having the highest likelihood), but please God not two/three because I don't want that to clog the list. If Crash is on there I will be thrilled and laugh a lot, especially if it is above Brokeback Mountain (or if the latter isn't even on the list!).

As far as the movies that are on the list...
Things that will probably do better: Goodfellas, Schindler's List (there's no way it's getting ranked below The Graduate now), Pulp Fiction, Annie Hall, The Godfather Part II, Amadeus better go up in the rankings you assholes, Network because it's become more than just a great movie, it's become bizarrely prophetic, anything Eastwood because since 1996, he's gone from being Legendary Actor, Okay Director with One Really Really Good Movie to The Greatest Director Of Our Time (And By That, We Mean Ever). Though if Unforgiven drops off the list totally and Million Dollar Baby is on it fairly high up, I won't be surprised.
Things that will probably fall in the rankings: The Graduate (boohoo), Dances with Wolves, Giant, Tootsie (waaaah), The Sound of Music, The African Queen (this is the same case as The Graduate - ranked incredibly high, but nobody talks about it!)

Coming tomorrow: my ballot based on the 400 movies, for what it would be worth. And of course, bitchy commentary on the new list, and much more complaining about stupid filmsite.org.

* Entry disclaimer: I can't say I really like the Lord of the Rings movies, but I recognize that they are great-to-good movies.

Whaaaat???

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/spacey%20im%20finished%20with%20acting_1034158
How did I not read about this before? Like I've said before, since 1999 and (not totally coincidentally, I think) his second Oscar, his career hasn't really been the greatest, but... I don't care. His 1990s work alone deserves him a place in the pantheon. He was like Pacino or Nicholson in the 70s (I fuckin' said it, deal with it). Even now, there is the occasional hint at what he was before - The Life of David Gale, Superman Returns... I kept waiting for his big comeback. And now, I guess, it's not gonna come. I'll always support theater and people doing what they feel is necessary, but I'm gonna miss Lester Burnham, Kevin.

Broadway...

Yes, I've seen all the shows currently on Broadway, at least occurring to my latest Playbill. Sad/weird. Here they are ranked, from best to worst:

Truly Amazing Theater.
Company
Avenue Q

Great.
Jersey Boys
Hairspray
Rent
The Lion King
Spamalot
The Drowsy Chaperone
The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
A Chorus Line

Good/Respectable.
Spring Awakening
Grey Gardens
Chicago
Les Miserables (a great musical, but the current incarnation has no heart. Though I haven't seen it with Lea Salonga yet)
LoveMusik
Legally Blonde
Beauty and the Beast (earlier in its run, it would have been higher up. But it's really run out of steam.)

Meh.
Curtains
110 in the Shade (yeah, I ended up buying tickets anyway.)
The Color Purple
The Pirate Queen
Wicked
Mary Poppins

Don't Waste Your Money!
The Phantom of the Opera (WHY WON'T IT CLOSE)
Mamma Mia!
Tarzan

Try and beat me.

http://shoottheglass.net/quizzes/quiz.php?quiz=29

27/40, including ones the site marked "wrong" because I did things like write "The Coen brothers" instead of "Ethan and Joel Coen." Fun!

Still debatably my favorite Bill Murray line reading

"That is one nutty hospital."

Kirsten Dunst

...is, in fact, a hugely talented actress when she wants to be. I'm watching Eternal Sunshine right now and marveling over how good she is. She might be better than Carrey (there's no way she's better than Winslet, but, like, extremely few performances are). The twist in Eternal Sunshine is so great. Why? Because nobody ever talks about it. Why? Because the movie has so many other positive aspects, it doesn't need to rely on the twist.

(this post is in spite of the fact that she dumped Jake Gyllenhaal for being "too boring" or whatever. That's just dumb. But her acting isn't.)

My Top Cate Performances

Seriously, do I hate her? Or do I love her? AAAGHHH!!!
(People really need to stop saying she's "due" for an Oscar for The Golden Age. SHE JUST WON ONE TWO YEARS AGO.)

1. Elizabeth
2. The Gift (I am so serious)
3. The Good German
4. Veronica Guerin
5. Coffee and Cigarettes

Yay for Peter Bradshaw.

The real disappointment is Emily Blunt as the Brit bitch who works opposite Andy: the one actor here who really does look as if she could work in fashion. But she is strained and awkward and has none of the drop-dead-sexy hauteur she showed us in My Summer of Love. Embarrassingly, she is made to say "loo" to show off some real limeyspeak. Perhaps she can be grateful she wasn't given bad teeth.

http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,1888063,00.html

I'll say it again: No, Emily Blunt isn't bad. But, neither is she worthy of hosannahs, any particular sort of praise, an Oscar nom, or, especially, an Oscar WIN. And oh, how I grow tired of her smug, dead-eyed face. Seeing as she's going to be in virtually every film over the next few years, I really hope she doesn't ruin them. Sigh.

ScarJo's Cinematic Sluttery.

honestly? SHE'S PROBABLY USED TO IT.

So I was reading some posts on a movie forum (not IMDb) that's primarily based around movie trivia. They were playing a game, "Been There, Done Them," (hee) based on who's had sex with who in movies. They'd list 3 actors'/actresses' names and the next person would have to name the actor/actress who had had, errr, "relations" with them in whatever movies they had been, whether explicit or implied. Someone listed four actors (gasp) and the next person was like "has one person really slept with FOUR PEOPLE in movies?" Well, by that standard, Scarlett Johansson is a serious whore:

Cillian Murphy - Girl with a Pearl Earring
Giovanni Ribisi - Lost in Translation (these answers were acceptable on the thread, since they are married. Yes, it is presented as a loveless marriage, but it's pretty damn safe to assume they probably slept together in the past.)
Gabriel Macht - A Love Song for Bobby Long (I believe. I haven't seen this movie in a while, and all I really remember was that ScarJo was great and the movie was crap. I'm pretty sure they ended up lovers, though)
Topher Grace - In Good Company
Ewan McGregor - The Island (awkward sex scene!)
Matthew Goode & Jonathan Rhys Myers - Match Point
Hugh Jackman - Scoop
Josh Hartnett & Aaron Eckhart - The Black Dahlia
Christian Bale & Hugh Jackman - The Prestige (that's twice for Hugh, YOU LUCKY BITCH.)

That means she's slept with, at least, ten (not counting Jackman's double or Macht because I'm not 100%, or her attempt to seduce Billy Bob Thornton in The Man Who Wasn't There) men on screen. Also, I haven't seen American Rhapsody, Eight Legged Freaks, The Perfect Score, or A Good Woman. I'm pretty sure she gets her mack on in The Perfect Score, but in A Good Woman she probably adds many more numbers to her little black book.

Just briefly looking at her filmography, Kate Winslet's a big whore too. I mean, she's "had relations" with 13-15 men, including such hotties as James Gandolfini (Romance and Cigarettes), Harvey Keitel (Holy Smoke!), Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine), and Geoffrey Rush (Quills).

I don't know what point I was trying to make, at all. Maybe just that every actress is a whore... in their filmography.

I cannot wait for this movie!

I'm praying that The Savages gets Little Miss Sunshine-level success. Even if it's not good, it's got La Linney and PSH, who I have decided I love as well (seriously, anyone that hates him is like "he's ugly!" "I don't like to see him on my screen!" Suck it, I love George Clooney and Ewan McGregor too, for sure, but I'm glad not everyone looks like them. It's the Hilary Swank issue again.). LOOK AT THIS PICTURE! They are so cute.

PS - Look through PSH's pictures on IMDb. He's wearing that jacket at at least 3 different events.

La Linney.

Debatably, my favorite actress.

1. You Can Count on Me
2. P.S.
3. The Squid and the Whale
4. The Truman Show
5. Kinsey
6. The Life of David Gale
7. The House of Mirth
8. Love Actually
9. Mystic River
10. Primal Fear (the only one of her performances that's not great)

I CANNOT WAIT for The Savages. I love Laura!!

Actors and Actresses I Don't Care For.

...and why. Because what's better than bitching?

Warren Beatty - Comes across as incredibly arrogant on screen, even in his good performances. Plus, his wife. Ew.
Gael Garcia Bernal - Incredibly overrated, both in terms of looks and talent. I'm sick of people calling him The Next Big Thing or The Best Actor of the New Millennium or whatever.
Orlando Bloom - Sure, he's good-looking. Tons of actors are. Most actors, however, can, you know, act. Orlando Bloom, for the most part, can't. I hate the cry of the fans: "he's been given bad roles!!!" Plenty ofactors, in history, have been given bad or poorly-written roles and they've managed to still be awesome. It's not likely that Orlando ever will be.
Adrien Brody - Pretty much sucks in everything that's not The Pianist, and even in that he was the least of the nominees.
Jim Carrey - His brand of manic comedy just really gets on my nerves. Even in his very good stuff, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, he turns me off.
Johnny Depp - I just talked about this. He has talent, but he hasn't used it since a brief role in Before Night Falls and before that, the last time was 1995 (Dead Man). I cannot stand Pirates (or his performance in those movies), I cannot stand his outfits at award shows (yeah, we get that you're oh so much better than all of us. Now put on a normal suit like everyone else there.), and I REALLY CANNOT STAND the fact that he's playing Sweeney Todd.
Vincent Gallo - He's just a repulsive human being. No, I've never met him, but he made a film that basically consisted of him being adored and fellated by women. He auctioned off his sperm on E-Bay along with some pretty repulsive remarks on who could buy it. I think I can assume that he's disgusting.
Richard Gere - Creepy, and not very talented.
Mel Gibson - He never was a very talented actor (and I really don't like the movies he directed), but now, let's face it, the whole Jew thing really isn't helping at all.
Anthony Hopkins - Sometimes utterly fantastic (uh...Silence of the Lambs much?!?!?). Most of the time, especially lately, utterly crap.
Buster Keaton - Meh. Silent comedy does nothing for me.
Harvey Keitel - You creep me out. And I need to stop seeing your penis. It's weird.
Ben Kingsley - Great in most things, but he really isn't challenging himself too terribly much lately (Bloodrayne??!!??!!). And, I despise his big Oscar-winning film, Gandhi, and think he's overrated in it (though indeed good).
Kevin Kline - Actually, I have no idea why I don't like him. I'm really into theater, but...I don't know. He just rubs me the wrong way.
Jared Leto - Usually a bad actor, and he comes off as creepy and greasy.
Cillian Murphy - Creepy, and he's never really been great in anything I've seen him in.
Gary Oldman - Creepy. His choice of characters often does not help this.
Sean Penn - Good actor, but an obnoxious blowhard. And I think comparing him to Brando is ridiculous.
Keanu Reeves - Yeah, pretty much what everyone else says. He just isn't a very good actor. I mean, when you watch him on screen, he shows that he's trying really, really hard. It just doesn't work.
Jason Schwartzman - He was great in Rushmore. But beyond that, I really need proof that he can actually act and isn't getting by because he's...you know...a Coppola. He was absolutely terrible in Marie-Antoinette, I Heart Huckabees, and Shopgirl.
Peter Sellers - A fantastic actor. He just makes me go eh?
Christian Slater - He is the definition of creepy. Heathers proved this fact.
David Spade - Hate his voice and smugness (you've got nothing to be smug about, you're talentless) and "acting."
James Spader - So creepy, and not that great an actor.
Donald Sutherland - He is a really really great actor. But...have you ever looked at pictures of him? I THINK HE'S GOING TO EAT MY SOUL. I'M REALLY SERIOUS.
Quentin Tarantino - He is a great director, but he is a horrible actor. He's the only thing I even come close to disliking in the divine Pulp Fiction.
Luke Wilson - Blandy McBlandster.
Owen Wilson - Pretty talentless, but notably better than his brother.

Joan Allen - She scares me a little. I think she's a good actress, but very overrated. Oh, and she was totally Razzie-worthy in The Upside of Anger.
Patricia Arquette - I don't know, she just seems very bland. I know she was going to take over Uma's role in Kill Bill when Uma became pregnant, but thank God that didn't happen.
Annette Bening - I just can't stand her acting. Yeah, I liked her in American Beauty but she REALLY HAS been doing that performance her entire life. And it's not like godly Kate Winslet, who plays many variations on the same character (bohemian free spirit) in many different ways. Every performance of hers is like, basically the same - and unbearable. Cannot stand The Bening.
Thora Birch - For God's sake, play a character that smiles every now and then! She's bearable in supporting roles (like American Beauty, but even then the praise for her work is odd to me), but when she had to carry the movie in Ghost World...no.
Cate Blanchett - Meh. She is a great actress, even though I think most of her Oscar nominations come from her lesser performances (Elizabeth aside). But...she's just...so cold. So studied. She needs to stop being in every movie. She was great in Babel (I know people were saying otherwise, but I thought she was indeed actually very good), but come on. Many actresses would have loved to have that role. For Cate it was probably just like, "whatever. Something else to do." And yes, I know, Meryl Streep could be accused of the same thing. It's just their...presence or something. Don't you want to hang out with Meryl? You would never want to hang out with Cate.
Emily Blunt - What are you, new? I recently went to her message board on IMDb - no, I wasn't going to bash her, I have better things to do with my time. But I found something incredibly horrifying. There was some topic discussing peoples' favorite actresses. And almost everyone had Emily as their #1, above, like, Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet and Glenn Close. Someone had Julianne Moore as their #1 (Emily was #2, of course) and actually apologized for it. More than that, someone bashed that person for it. Okay, it's an Emily Blunt board. I get that people are going to be fans. But...she's been in like 2 movies! How does that in any way, shape, or form make her more talented than Meryl, Kate, Julianne, Glenn... I can't stand her stupid smug face any more.
Helena Bonham-Carter - I usually don't find her impressive, and add to that the fact that she's married/engaged to/dating (for years and years and years) Tim Burton...
Laura Dern - She creeps me out. A lot.
Sally Field - Abrasive, but I loooove her in Norma Rae.
Eva Green - I think she's scary-looking, but guys find her attractive. Fine. Naked does not equal good actress (PS - She's said she's never getting naked again guys, so haha. Good luck pretending she's a good actress now). her performance in The Dreamers was heralded as the "best ever!!!" or "best of the new millennium!!!" by many people on various forums. To say the least, it isn't. Plus, bitch doesn't know how to dress herself.
Anne Hathaway - She seems very sweet, and she always looks very put-together. I don't dislike her as much as I used to. But, she's talentless. She usually isn't given very much to go with, I'll give her that. Even when she's given great parts, though, she's terrible. It brought me giggles of delight when the ensembles of The Devil Wears Prada and Brokeback Mountain all got lauded and awarded...EXCEPT FOR ANNE. It was kind of amazing.
Kate Hudson - I'm not the biggest fan of her Almost Famous work, but I'm not going to pretend she was bad in it. She just wasn't great. However, since then, she's been trying to prove, really hard, that even one good performance was a fluke.
Angelina Jolie - She's really bland now, and she's never been a particularly good actress (she was very, very, very obvious in Girl, Interrupted). That said, she is absolutely astounding in Gia.
Keira Knightley - She was just great in Pride and Prejudice but, Bend it Like Beckham and Love Actually aside (and the latter might just be an extension of my loo-hooove for the film), she's never even been good. It's kind of insulting that she has an Oscar nomination and Scarlett Johansson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kirsten Dunst, and other young actresses who are far far far more talented don't. Plus, anyone that thinks she's hot frightens me.
Jessica Lange - Blonde. Boring.
Juliette Lewis - She just rubs me the wrong way. Meh.
Madonna - We've all stopped pretending Madonna can act now, right?
Anna Paquin - She was indeed great in the performance that got her the Oscar...when she was what, 11, 12? She hasn't been great in anything since then. I'm really hoping Margaret is good and she doesn't kill it.
Meg Ryan - She used to be great, and wonderful to watch. However, she just stopped trying.
Winona Ryder - Boring, and rarely ever good. And just to reiterate: holy sweet Jesus I hate Heathers.
Susan Sarandon - She's a good actress, but she has yet to blow me away in any role like I probably should be by someone considered one of the greatest actresses ever. She isn't worthy of the legendary status she enjoys.
Chloe Sevigny - She's been really good, in Boys Don't Cry and The Last Days of Disco. But she can be really terrible too, and I can't stand the smug attitude and sense of superiority she seems to have. And not for anything, but I can't believe she'd do that on screen.
Jessica Simpson - Does she even count? I read it somewhere else (I think Go Fug Yourself) that in The Dukes of Hazzard (which I saw...sadly enough...), she had the worst Southern accent the person watching it had ever heard; said viewer then pointed out that Jessica was from the South and just needed to talk. I am 100% in accordance with whoever this person is. Plus, let's face it: her being all over the news was annoying. To be fair, though, she seems to be at least trying to stay out of the tabloids now, so I'm not as annoyed by her as I used to be.
Barbara Streisand - Oh please. Like her ego doesn't come through in every performance she's ever given.
Tilda Swinton - Cold, cold, cold, and needs to be in non-horrible movies. Plus, did you ever read her "The State of Cinema" address or whatever it was? Holy shit. Get over yourself!
Audrey Tautou - Ooh, she's got giant eyes. That doesn't mean she's a good actress.
Naomi Watts - She's incredibly overrated. She's only ever been good four times: Mulholland Dr. (I'll admit it, though: easily one of the best performances ever), The Ring (and even then, it was more just-above-serviceable), I Heart Huckabees, and The Painted Veil. The rest of the time, she tends to veer toward the terrible. Her performance in 21 Grams is bleeeghhhh. Possibly one of, if not the, worst female Oscar nominees of the 2000s. I worry about her health though.
Ziyi Zhang - Ziyi gets great, great work. But the quality of her work in her films varies greatly. Great: Crouching Tiger and 2046. Meh: Hero and House of Flying Daggers. Ewwww: Memoirs of a Geisha.


Oh my God, that was so... negative. I really need to go hug a kitten or something.

I just watched the Atonement trailer.

...for the first time. I know, I know. Wow, Keira Knightley looks really bad. And I loved her in Pride and Prejudice. Did I ever mention that one time I sat next to Ian McEwan on a sofa? No? Aren't I awesome? (Or not)

Naomi, I say this for your own good.

Hon? You worked with David Lynch and Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu. That's not good for anyone's health. Then you were on the set of I Heart Huckabees, which as we all know now, wasn't exactly the most fun place to be in the world. And, I know it's old news, but did you ever look at the man who knocked you up? Yes, Liev Schreiber is pretty hot. Unfortunately, he's also the most terrifying man on the entire planet.

"I say this to help you!" -look, I had to go all Judi Dench on you.

Lindsay Lohan

I just realized why, despite it all, I still like her. And that is: Mean Girls. Really, watching it now it's kind of sad. It is her life (except her life now probably has a lot more drugs).

This is perfect.

I know; at first, I didn't like it, either. But then I realized, it's scary perfect. It'll be analyzed for years. Great ending to a great show.
(That said, if they make a movie or more episodes, I will SCREAM because it will DESTROY this ending.)

Grading the Tony Awards.

...or at least, the performances. The show itself gets an F for the abomination that was Best Lead Actor in a Musical (why did that have to be the upset???), obviously.

110 in the Shade - Audra McDonald is a goddess. I almost bought tickets to this...but I'm going to Spain in the fall and I really need to save my money. I'm kind of glad I didn't buy the tickets. Audra was fantastic and I heart me some John Cullum, but the song was really bad. Still, since it was all about Audra... B-

A Chorus Line - I wish they were actually singing, and it's not like they were SPECTACULAR, but they were pretty great. I adore this show. B+

Company - I love Raul, but it was bullshit that NOBODY else was on stage with him. That said, except for "MOCK ME WITH PRAISE!!!!" which was a little "okay, you like to emphasize that line. we get it," he was masterful, of course (and even the "mock me" can be excused because that auditorium is FUHREAKING HUGE and the TV cameras were placed about 2 inches from his face). I hope the Tony voters feel really, really stupid after that. B+

Curtains - Uh, well...shrug. People are saying the choreography should have won? Oh my goodness NO. It consisted of everyone standing in a semi-circle around David Hyde Pierce (GRRRRR.), and then when they had random lines, they would step out and say something. The song was dull. I love David Hyde Pierce, but just to reiterate: HE SHOULDN'T HAVE WON A TONY. C-

Fantasia (from The Color Purple) - Damn, bitch can sing. Her acting was pretty good, too, but I can see why Jennifer Hudson was Effie and not her. B

Grey Gardens - Zzz. Zzz. Why is everyone going crazy for this show? I can't say I've seen it but if that's what Ebersole is like, errr, Audra or Donna any day. D+

Jersey Boys - *shrug* I looove this show, so it was good to see them there. That said...I'm not really sure why they were there, and the dancing of one of them was REALLY off. But they sounded great, and I just think they're fantastic. B/B-

Mary Poppins - Boring and totally forgettable. Whoever plays Mary Poppins is awful. Why was there a creepy (faux) naked guy dancing with a little boy? Ugh. D

Spring Awakening - At least it was energetic, but I hate every song except "The Bitch of Living." Also, the dancing of one of the girls was WAYYYY OTT. Also also (heh?), what was the point of singing "Totally Fucked" if you couldn't say "fucked"? We get it, your show is edgy, but you already proved that with the far superior "Bitch of Living." And dude, your show has the lyrics "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." The Tony-winning lyrics "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." C

The Screen Directory...

...it's a website with random top 10s/100s/15s. Here is their list of the top 15 contemporary actors and actresses, with what they chose as their best performance (for some reason, they only included the best performances for the top 10):

Actors
1. Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
2. Edward Norton (Fight Club)
3. Sean Penn (The Falcon and the Snowman)
4. Christian Bale (The Machinist)
5. Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond)
6. Johnny Depp (Donnie Brasco)
7. Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind)
8. Denzel Washington (Training Day)
9. Jack Nicholson (The Shining)
10. Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)
11. Kevin Spacey
12. Ralph Fiennes
13. Tom Hanks
14. Geoffrey Rush
15. Paul Giamatti

Actresses
1. Cate Blanchett (Elizabeth)
2. Nicole Kidman (The Hours)
3. Kate Winslet (Jude)
4. Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby)
5. Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
6. Renee Zellweger (Cold Mountain)
7. Juliette Binoche (Three Colors: Blue)
8. Jennifer Connelly (Requiem for a Dream)
9. Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener)
10. Maggie Gyllenhaal (Secretary)
11. Charlize Theron
12. Rachel McAdams
13. Julianne Moore
14. Toni Collette
15. Naomi Watts

I'm not sure if Philip Seymour Hoffman is the #1 contemporary actor, but I can't deny that he has a great body of work and I like him a great deal. I just rewatched Boogie Nights and damned if he doesn't break my heart into a gajillion pieces in that film. Edward Norton has been amazing since his debut (Death to Smoochy and such excepted); my only problem with his placement on this list is the fact that they say Fight Club is his best performance. He's great and I nominate him for 1999, but it's like, his fifth or sixth best.

I've never really gotten Sean Penn, though I won't deny he's a really good actor. I think it's ridiculous that people say he "overacted" in Mystic River. It's been set up that he's a pretty volatile man, and he JUST LOST HIS DAUGHTER. How would you react? I've never heard of The Falcon and the Snowman, though. Maybe I should check it out. I would like to add, though, that he was awful in I Am Sam and his Oscar nomination was embarassing. Christian Bale is so fantastic and I'm still amused and delighted by the fact that he was in Newsies, but his best performance isn't The Machinist, it's obviously American Psycho.

Leonardo DiCaprio can be very hit or miss. As he gets older, though, he's definitely tipping more toward "hit." And holy shit, he hot. It's really easy to root for him, because he seems incredibly intelligent and, especially as of late, classy. His best performance is definitely The Departed, though. Johnny Depp. ALL SHOULD KNOW OF MY HATRED FOR JOHNNY DEPP. I hate his wackiness, I hate the fact that he works with Tim Burton all the freaking time (I love Ed Wood and Corpse Bride though. I can admit it), I hate the fact that people think he's the most gorgeous man to ever walk the earth, I hate the fact that he seems to never think any award shows are worth changing out of flannel for, and I HATE ("the fact" should be here somewhere...) CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AND THE ENTIRE PIRATES FRANCHISE (perhaps I shouldn't judge...I still haven't seen the third one...but I doubt it is SO GOOD that it will erase the horrible-ness of the other two). He has talent, but the last time he used it was 2000 in his great cameo in Before Night Falls; said talent is certainly not present in Pirates. So, I clearly don't like his inclusion on this list. His best performance (and best movie by a mile) is Ed Wood.

It's not popular to, but I adore both Denzel and Russell. Yay American Gangster! They are both totally brilliant at the best of times, which is often. Denzel slums in crap too much and Russell is obnoxious, but I think they're both great. The performances chosen for them are only their second-best, however: Denzel's best is Malcolm X and Russell's, The Insider. All four performances, however, are amazing.

It's really unfair for Jack to be competing with these young upstarts (hee, I used a funny word) when he was already a legend by the beginning of the '90s. Still, at least he's trying in movies, which is more than can really be said for DeNiro or Pacino. I like him a lot in The Shining, but his best performance is eeeeasily One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, no contest. Much like Sean Penn, I can recognize Joaquin's talent (though I don't think he has as much talent as Sean...), but he doesn't really do it for me... I also wasn't very fond of him in Gladiator, unlike, uh, the rest of the world. He was much better in Quills that same year. He was also great in Walk the Line but Reese Witherspoon was better. YOU HEARD ME BITCHES.

Kevin Spacey deserves a spot in the pantheon for his '90s run. Henry & June, The Ref, Swimming with Sharks, The Usual Suspects, L.A. Confidential, Hurlyburly, American Beauty, and I'm assuming Se7en but I've never seen it. Unfortunately, since 1999 his resume has looked like: crap, crap, crap, self-indulgent crap, crap, crap he directed, crap, crap. That said, it might not be as crappy as I once thought: I enjoyed him in Superman Returns and thought he was actually great in The Life of David Gale, though that movie was a disaster. Ralph Fiennes is godly. If he doesn't win an Oscar someday, there's no justice at all anywhere.

I still love Tom Hanks, fuck all the haters. He's very guilty of coasting on his charisma and reputation at times, but I still think he's great, and it's always a treat when he's in films. He's just very easy to watch and connect to (though he did suck in The Da Vinci Code, I'm not denying it). Geoffrey Rush is another one that does nothing for me. Paul Giamatti needs to clean himself up, fer chrissakes, but he's a really good actor. He's totally amazing in Sideways.

As for the women: Cate, you make me go "meh." Yes, you are a really good actress. But, you need to stop being in every movie, and you need to start engaging me emotionally at some point. She got bashed for her appearance in Babel, but I actually thought she was great. I don't know if it was her role, but I actually felt for her. Also, people need to stop cumming all over her in The Aviator, she was only okay at best. I'd comment that she always plays (incredibly various) variations on "strong, smart woman," but then I'd remember that I'm obsessed with Kate Winslet, who always plays (incredibly various) variations on "bohemian free spirit." I wouldn't put Cate atop this list, but I can't deny that she belongs there, and Elizabeth is indeed her best work. Nicole, on the other hand, is fantastic. Oh, she has burned me so many times, but I keep coming back. Why? Because I have To Die For, Eyes Wide Shut, Moulin Rouge!, The Others, The Hours, Dogville, Birth, and many others. She is fantastic in The Hours (the performance isn't really worthy of the OMG BEST EVER hosannahs it gets or the ridiculous backlash that almost all Oscar winners get), but her best performance is definitely in Dogville.

As I mentioned before, I am obsessed with Kate Winslet. She's both technically proficient and totally obviously in love with her craft. While she is fantastic in Jude, it is nowhere near her best work. That is clearly Eternal Sunshine. Hilary Swank is unfairly bashed (OMG! an actress that doesn't fit our standards of beauty. LET'S BASH HER), but she doesn't belong at #4. She's much better in Boys Don't Cry than Million Dollar Baby, though. I adore Reese Witherspoon, and I think people who say she can't act haven't seen any of her movies. At all. The Man in the Moon, Freeway, Pleasantville, Election (!!!), Legally Blonde, Vanity Fair, Walk the Line. I think Election's her best work, but she is fantastic in Walk the Line too. And yeah...you bet your ass she deserved that Oscar over Charlize and Felicity's ACTING!!! and Judi Dench's sleepwalking (Keira Knightley was good, but not as good). You go, girl.

I'm so glad some people still like Renee Zellweger. It's like, once she won her Oscar, people forgot everything that came before it (I really liked her in Cold Mountain but that's besides the point...). Dude, Bridget Jones' Diary! I don't even care that it would have been the PERFECT role for Kate Winslet, because Renee was absolutely fantastic. Nurse Betty! Down with Love! Jerry Maguire! Chicago! One True Thing! Even Cold Mountain itself! Yay Renee! I'm also glad to see some love for the extremely underrated Juliette Binoche on this list. She's fantastic.

Jennifer Connelly can be awesome, and she can be horrible (see: her Oscar-winning performance). I'm incredibly glad they chose Requiem for a Dream as her best work; as I've mentioned before, I think it's the best performance of the new millennium. It's stunning, heart-SHATTERING work. But, besides that and House of Sand and Fog, she makes me shrug. Rachel Weisz gave one of the best performances I've ever seen (for serious!) in The Constant Gardener, but I'm not sure just that and The Fountain, plus a whole hell-load of CRAP, mean she should be on the list over several other options. I heart Maggie, maybe for this picture (how drunk is Kate? So drunk) alone. Seriously, though: she gives off this weird vibe but it really works for her. She is like Zooey Deschanel, though with a better body of work (nothing she's done is as singularly good as Zooey's performance in All the Real Girls, though, but Maggie's worth is almost always really good) and she's easier to like.

I'm lazy and it's late so I'm going to run through the rest. Charlize was amazing in Monster, but other than that, she doesn't really deserve to be on the list. I like Rachel McAdams and all, but she annoys me. Rachel! EVERYONE likes you. You're really talented. You could be a total star (a star like, a Reese or maybe even a Cate, not a Lindsay for godssake's), but you only deign to star in like one movie a year. And it's usually not a very good movie. AT LEAST SCARLETT JOHANSSON IS TRYING!!! From like 94-02, Julianne Moore is uhhhmazing; after that, save for Children of Men, she's terrible. I hope she reverses that with her 2007 movies very much. Though, like Kevin Spacey, she deserves a place on the list for her '90s (and early '00s) choices. Toni Collette is amazing and could only be more amazing by being in every movie ever made and thus increasing their fantastic-ness. Naomi Watts is unbelievable in Mulholland Dr., quite great in The Painted Veil, deliciously amusing in I Heart Huckabees, and then really meh beyond that. Don't even get me started on her performance in 21 Grams.

So, there you have it. What have I gotten from this list? I like some, I don't like some, LAURA LINNEY IS UNDERRATED BY EVERYONE. Thank you, and good night. Despite what the timestamp here says, it is 2:41 AM and I require sleep.

The Tonys piss me off more than the Oscars.

Dear Tonys,

Please fuck yourselves, thanks.

Not love, me.

Oh, Brad... (oh...DAMMIT!) I'm glad... (oh, JANET!)

So I'm watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And I'm reminded that, even though he's really boring now, GODDAMN BRAD PITT CAN BE SO HOT SOMETIMES.

Also, wow, how awkward was it for Vince Vaughn to be in this movie? But I love him in it. Like, maybe Best Supporting Actor nom for 2005 love. Hey, it's not like there's anyone better, that year was so shit in this category.

Oh and the title of this entry? "Dammit Janet" from Rocky Horror.

Happy birthday, lovely lady.

...and the man in this picture is pretty lovely too.

1. Cold Mountain (easily one of the best cameos ever)
2. Leon: The Professional
3. Garden State
4. Closer (at its best, this performance would probably be #2 on this list, but let's play it safe)
5. Beautiful Girls
6. V for Vendetta
7. needless to say, in last place, the Star Wars series

Can't wait for My Blueberry Nights and Paris je t'aime and Goya's Ghosts and The Other Boleyn Girl and the other 150000 movies she's going to be in over the next year or so.

Also, it's some weird guy who likes to dress like a pirate's birthday. Like I care.

You might be pretentious if

every high schooler likes this movie!
except...you know...not

...you're 16, and your 25 favorite movies are the following:

1. Leaving Las Vegas
2. Moulin Rouge!
3. The Dreamers
4. The Edukators
5. Buffalo '66
6. Dogville
7. Breaking the Waves
8. La dolce vita
9. Love Me If You Dare
10. Cries and Whispers
11. Elephant
12. Bande a part
13. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
14. Belle du jour
15. Before Sunrise
16. An Affair to Remember
17. The Sweet Hereafter
18. Almost Famous
19. Titanic
20. The Virgin Suicides
21. The Piano
22. The English Patient
23. Punch-Drunk Love
24. In the Mood for Love
25. Paper Moon

I'm sorry, the only movies any actual 16-year-old should have on their favorites list that's on this list are Titanic, Moulin Rouge!, and Almost Famous. Maaaaybe The Virgin Suicides and Punch-Drunk Love or Before Sunrise if you were a real weirdo in high school. It's certainly not a bad list (though I can't stand The Dreamers or Buffalo '66 or Almost Famous, and I have serious problems with Breaking the Waves, the rest of the movies that I've seen on the list are in fact respectable), it's just terribly snobby and alienating for a 16-year-old. And I can assure you: no teenager in the entire history of humankind has ever watched The English Patient all the way through. And anyone in general who has Breaking the Waves on their "favorites" list makes me seriously question their status as a member of humanity. If this person really has a movie about sad, desperate alcoholism as their #1 movie of all time at 16 years old, then well, more power to them. I'm just saying, it's a little unlikely. Be yourself. If your favorite movie is Zoolander, your favorite movie is Zoolander. Fuck the haters.

IMDb, you amuse me so very much.